When Did My Hair Turn Gray

My New Rules for Facebook

2011-07-31T04:17:00.003-04:00

What the hell? The queen is posting? Something serious must have happened! After all, she hasn't posted in what amounts to centuries in the blogosphere.

Sorry folks. Life is taking its toll. I've had a lot to say, but I am always too tired to say it. So hey its 4:19 am and I am sitting here stewing over some recent developments...so I figure why not. Let's just get this out there.

There should be a completely new set of rules on Facebook. And they should work to make my own life simpler. And those who need to read them, should read them and go...ohhhhhh so that's how it's supposed to be. Some of it is DUH common sense kinda stuff. The rest, well let's just say recent events have led to this.

Here are my new and improved Facebook rules.

1. Let's just say this bluntly....If it's posted on Facebook it's fair game. Period. If you don't want opinions then don't post the shit. It's that simple. Because when you blast your comment as a status for all 3,456 of your closest friends to read you are in effect asking someone to comment. That is why Facebook has the comment feature. If you reply to my status, you are GUARANTEED a comment. Therefore, if you do not want to have to discuss the shit you have to say, keep it off of Facebook. Plain and simple.

2. If what you want is everyone to agree with you, join a cult, not Facebook. Chances are every friend on your list is not going to agree with what you have to say. This doesn't mean they do not like you. It means that they disagree with you. Most adults can do this maturely. If you cannot, turn off the computer and learn some basic social skills. If you do not want differing opinions and you are not among maybe 5 people on my friends list....go ahead and delete me.

3. If you are ignorant and spout of hatred, do not get pissy when people disagree or call you out on it. Drop the drama, stop acting like a victim and deal with it. You want to look like a jackass, then bend over and take it like a man.

4. If you do not want random people to judge what you say and do, and what you say and do could be considered controversial, don't post the shit on Facebook. Stop whining when someone you've never met spreads rumors about your life if you are going to write a damn novel and tell the world every messed up decision you have ever made. Keep some things to yourself. Otherwise, see jackass comment in number 3.

5. If everyone you meet stops liking you, you are likely not the victim. Get over yourself and learn how to be a grown up. There is no way that every single person on the planet could be bad and you are the sole caring individual on my friends list.

6. If you have something to say....go ahead and say it. Don't post vague messages meant to entice people to ask you what is wrong or what is good. The last time I checked only a handful people on my friends list were of the 12 and 13 age group. As an adult, you can easily say what the hell you have on your mind. If you expect me to beg for information, you are going to be disappointed.

7. Holy crow please read those silly "post this if you truly care" forwards before you post them. First off, I am RARELY going to post them. If that makes you think I don't care, then you truly do not know me. Most of them are stupid. They mean nothing. They are annoying. They clutter up my news feed and I read them 235 times in a day. Why repost? My friends have already read them a hundred times. But most importantly, please make sure that posting them doesn't make you look like a hypocrite. If you are judgmental asshole, don't post something about caring about others. If you are unemployed, don't post something about what your taxes are supporting. You look stupid. Pass it up. Ignore it. And if you post it, refer to number one.

8. For the love of all that is holy please quit posting about the troops and Casey Anthony. Both are being shoved down my throat to the point of my complete and total irritation. I am all about supporting the troops. If your spouse is in the military and you want to post....you are entitled and I don't begrudge you. If, however, you would rather eat a sweaty sock for dinner than get off your ass and get a job much less walk in a war burdened with hundreds of pounds of equipment, then please do not bitch at me for complaining when its 105 degrees because I'm not suffering the life of a soldier. And Casey is a bitch. Probably deserves to be in jail. But it's over. No matter how many porch lights you turn on or cute little trains you post, Caylee will not come back. Let it go man.

9. If you want to post information about religion, politics, human rights etc....even if it is blatantly obvious that you are choosing a side....at least make it factual...do not post propaganda that you heard from some nutcase in an attempt to make you look smart. Because there are ways to check facts. And I will. And then number one comes into play. And possibly number 2.

10. Limit the prayer requests. I am all about giving prayers and good thoughts when they are warranted. This doesn't include stubbing your toe or the smart ass you work with. If every other post is a prayer request, I tend to pass them by. I might miss an important one.

11. Don't make yourself look like a hoochie online. Especially if you have kids. For the love of God please put some clothes on. And do not pucker your lips. You look like a fool. I'd die of embarrassment if you were my mother.

12. Seventy-five percent of what I say is bullshit. I joke with everyone. Not just you. I am sarcastic. I am blunt. I am opinionated when needed. I look at Facebook as tool for connecting and having fun with friends and family. If you don't like what I say...tough cookies. I'm going to do me and I am going to do me well. Get over yourself and have a little fun.

Sticks and Stones Will Break My Bones...

2011-04-03T16:30:00.003-04:00

but words will never hurt me...

Whoever coined that phrase was full of shit. Pardon my french. The reality is that words, when spoken by specific people, have the power to truly cause emotion. They can lift a person up and make them smile. They can pull them down and cause them pain. It's very obvious that the phrase was created before the mass effect of Facebook and the ability to read what people truly feel and believe.

Yes I have a reason for feeling this way today. And yes I am going to share it. Because I think that anyone who reads this....both of you....might gather something from understanding the true power of the words you use.

I've shared before that Brat has Asperger's Syndrome. If you don't know much about that, well that is not uncommon. It is a form of Autism, but unlike some forms it is considered high functioning. In other words, it doesn't cause the marked delays that one might see in a child with more severe Autism.

The fact is many people do not understand Autism and those that know a little about it do not understand the many forms of Autism that are on the spectrum. April is Autism Awareness Month and for me this is a time when you help bring that awareness. It's a time to open the eyes of the world to what makes my child different. What makes her who she is. A time to understand that she is not some freak that deserves to be ostracized because she is unique.

I love my daughter the way she is. I will shout that from the rooftops. There are many things about her personality that are brought on from having Autism. And yes I love those things. I should NOT have to be ashamed of that.

That does NOT mean that we have not struggled. Just because she is high functioning does not mean I have not faced the battles other moms have faced. Some of them are the same. Some are different. Even now as a preteen we face battles EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And at least twice a week she cries and wishes she did not have Autism. I should not have to sit and give proof that yes we struggle. But for the sake of this post I will. Here are just a few things we have struggled with over the years thanks to Autism.

1. She didn't speak to ANYONE except me until she was 8 years old
2. She couldn't stand loud noises as a child even toilets flushing, so going to a public bathroom required two people. One to take her outside after she was finished so the other could flush.
3. Overstimulation would cause her to melt down. THis often resulted in throwing herself into the floor and screaming wherever we were at and she would have to physically be carried out.
4. She would often run when frustrated and this included into streets. She ALWAYS had to have her hand held and you had to be cautious not to upset her.
5. She would bang her head repeatedly on the ground, even concrete, when upset.
6. She pulled her hair out by clumps
7. She couldn't tolerate some clothes and she screamed when her hair was brushed
8. As she got older she lagged behind socially
9. She lacks empathy and the ability to understand how to say the right thing...instead she blurts out whatever is on her mind and this often leads to upsetting people.
10. She has a very hard time maintaining any social relationships.
11. Personal hygiene is a DAILY struggle.
12. She is ostracized and picked on a lot and she doesn't understand that it is happening.

These are only a few of the struggles we have or are facing with Brat. All of these are the result of Autism. So YES. I have faced many of the same issues that others have faced. And every day is still a struggle. Even as a 'high functioning' person she faces a world that is foreign to many.

Just because I treasure my daughter and love her quirkiness, does not mean I am celebrating Autism. Just because I do not spend my life taking on battles that I do not have the time or energy to take on does not mean I am somehow making light of those who have done so. Yes I have raised Brat to believe that this is something she has and that it does not define her. She can be anyone she wants to be. I will not apologize for believing that. I will not apologize for raising her to believe that. Would it be better if I raised her to believe that she were doomed for life because of this? That her dreams could never come true? That she would somehow always be less than?

I am tired of being made to feel like I am less than because I don't subscribe to the doom and gloom theory. That does not mean I celebrate being Autistic. It does not mean that I would choose this for Brat. It does not mean that I wouldn't take her struggles away if I could. I HATE what she goes through.

But the fact is, there is no way to take it away from her. So I'd rather she accept it, own it and love herself in spite of it. I'd rather she believe in the ability to chase her dreams than feel like she were doomed to a life of misery. And I'm tired of people acting like I am somehow not a good mom for feeling that way. Or like I only feel that way because my daughter is high functioning and so I just don't understand.

Autism Awareness Month is a time to make people aware of this disorder. A time to show them what it is. A time, in my mind, to show them how to treat those who have it.

Apparently even those who are aware could stand to learn a little bit of that. Because as the saying goes, one thing you cannot take back is the word after it has been said.

The Queen is Going Postal

2011-03-14T18:41:00.004-04:00

Welcome one and all. You are about to witness something that happens far to often in reality but only occasionally here on this lovely blog that I tend to ignore. The Queen Bee is about to go postal. You see there are a few topics that I feel the distinct need to rant and rave about. And since Grumpy is tired of hearing it, you shall have the pleasure.

These topics are just current things that are under my skin. If you don't care....you might want to stop reading.

1) I do not need to cure my daughter. I do not want to make her better. Yes I'd like it if she didn't have to struggle so much. But do you know why she struggles so much? Because people are ignorant. Kids are ignorant. Yes they are. But they are ignorant because their parents allow it. Because their parents are ignorant. Because they do not teach them about accepting all of the people in society, even those that are different. Yes I'm aware that my daughter is high functioning. That means she does not have some of the same issues those who are not have. And for that I understand that some parents DO want to cure their kids. They do want to make them better. I'm not saying they are wrong. Just that I am not one of them. So I would be happy if people would stop assuming that I want to change who my daughter is. The only thing I want to cure is the ignorance that surrounds mental health and autism. The ignorance that makes people think it is something she should be ashamed of. Stop posting all these statuses about how kids only want to be accepted and start actually accepting them. What you post on Facebook as a copy and paste doesn't mean shit if you continually treat my daughter like she has the plague.

2) There is absolutely NOTHING funny about mental health problems or a mental health breakdown. If one more person say WINNING I think I'm going to thrown my computer out the window and that would be bad because I need it to work. You see everyone wants to crack jokes about Charlie Sheen. However, he tested negative for drugs. But in order to believe you are somehow right and in order to realistically spout off things about being a warlock and stuff in the shape he's in one of two things is occurring. He's either high, or he's lost his marbles. Literally lost them. He exhibits all the signs of a mental health disorder. He exhibits all the signs of a mental health breakdown. That, my friends, is not funny. Unless you have lived with someone (or yourself) with mental health problems you have no clue how much they can affect your life. And you have no clue how devastating they can be. And it does not matter how many millions he has. He can't seek treatment if he doesn't realize there is a problem. HE BELIEVES HE IS RIGHT! Classic mental health disorder. NOT FUNNY. It's laughing at shit like this that creates a stigma around mental health issues and makes it hard for people who have them to function in society as a normal person. So stop the damn jokes already. Stop wishing him dead. He's a human being. He deserves to live. He deserves for someone to care enough to help him. Most of all he deserves the respect to not be made fun of for something he has no control of. And no, I'm not a Charlie Sheen fan. I am, however, a proponent of treating those with mental health problems like regular human beings.

3) The world is going to hell and I blame the republicans. Yes I do. Look at what they did in Wisconsin. I mean who really cares what those pesky people that voted you into office want. Really? They are nobody. And now here there is crap going on. And in more states. I mean suddenly voting doesn't mean shit. Except maybe when we get the chance to vote and get these jackasses out of office. Until then, it does not matter what we want. It does not matter how many people fight it. It doesn't matter what is right or wrong. Republicans are sending us to hell and it started in Wisconsin. Thanks a lot Grumpy and your land of cheese.

And there you have it. The three things on my nerves this week. And they result from the same thing. Ignorance. I wish I could close my eyes and have all ignorance erased from the world. Just for one day. So for one day I wouldn't have to bite my tongue and sit on my hands to keep from pissing people off.

Random thoughts....

2011-02-13T15:05:00.003-05:00

It's that time again folks...random thoughts from inside the head of the Queen Bee. Brought to you by the fact that I have absolutely no flipping idea what I should post but I do know that I should post something.

As always sit back and enjoy the craziness that is a part of my brain.

* It is completely wrong that when you look at flower delivery sites the price of the flowers goes double when you want it delivered on Valentine's Day...

* Fear what could be lurking in the corner behind the microwave oven

* snow is overrated. Especially when there is 3 to 4 feet of it in your yard

* Autism isn't a death sentence. It means life will be different. It doesn't mean you have to be terrified or ashamed of it.

* If a vegetable tastes like black licorice, you should tell someone that before they take a big bite of it. Some people despise black licorice.

* Be careful what you say. The person who hears you may be the person you least meant to hurt.

* Nothing is cooler than a teen heartthrob who gets made fun of in the media participating in a commercial where he makes fun of himself. Hilarious!

* It really sucked this year living in the house with a football fan from Wisconsin

* You might be surprised what you can learn if you take the time to ask

* Choosing to work with someone in a professional manner that has the same problems your daughter has could make work quite interesting...

* It truly is possible to write 30 articles a day

* Most preteens act like jackasses and their parents dont seem to care

* I still have not succumbed to the Farmville, Cityville, Frontierville obsession.

There you have it folks.

Have a great week!

The queen of the diagnosis...

2011-01-23T19:53:00.002-05:00

Advance warning: this post will probably not be filled with the same humor and lightheartedness of my usual ramblings. It's been a serious kind of week and I'm really just frazzled by it. You have been warned.

Brat is a strong kid. And I don't mean in the she can pick you up and toss you across the room sense of strength. Although I'd put my money on her if there was a true battle going on. She's a tough cookie.

No her strength is an internal strength that most kids do not have to deal with and many days I wish she didn't. But she rocks it like nobody's business.

It all began when she was little but it didn't come to light until she started school. That was when we got the first diagnosis. My child that talked to me nonstop apparently did not talk to anyone else. Having been mostly at home, we never really noticed anything beyond the fact she was shy. Oh there were other issues, but that's not what I'm getting at here. So with some therapy and stuff we heard the words severe and anxiety disorder and selective mutism.

Following that came the first round of medications. We saw some slight improvements but then some of her other problems became more pronounced. The therapist suspected ADHD, but I was adamant that she didn't suffer from this. Nonetheless I allowed a test run on Adderall and my life went to hell really fast for a week or so.

It was after this botched medication experiment that the words bipolar disorder became a regular part of our vocabulary. I would later be officially diagnosed the same, but this story isn't about me.

Now we added new meds and we really started seeing some changes. In second grade, Brat stood in front of the class and spoke for the very first time. I happened to walk in the school as her voice boomed from the loudspeaker while she made the morning announcements. Parent volunteers hugged me and cried. No one could believe they had heard her voice.

I should back up and say that in the beginning the therapist pointed out that Brat showed some autistic signs. however she was very social and quite intelligent at her age and those went against the traditional autistic signs. Generally autistic kids that do not speak are not prone to be in the center of a group of friends.

Back to the story. As life went on, Brat's meds went through changes and so did she. As she got older her differences from the other kids became more pronounced. She was far behind. Could this be from not speaking? We were unsure. We continued with the meds that were working and strived to help her.

She had to move schools due to becoming the kid that everyone picked on. She thrived at the new school for a couple of years and all was well. Then her differences kicked her hiney again. She wasn't picked on, but she was ignored. She was alone. She was struggling.

I ended up pulling her out to homeschool her due to lack of cooperation with the school and in the process she also underwent testing.

It was then, not too long ago, Brat received another diagnosis. She suffered from Asperger's Syndrome-- a high functioning form of autism. So now our work was in a different form.

Through all of this Brat has managed to take it well. The kids mostly just ignore her if they don't 'get it'. She has a few that tend to make her life hell. But she is pretty good at defending herself and ignoring them. Unfortunately the adults are not as easy.

Several have told her things like "kids don't get bipolar disorder". Some have eliminated contact with us due to behaviors she has had. It's just been hard on her. But she rocked being unique. She embraces her differences and wants to make a difference in the lives of others.

Sadly this past week Brat received yet another diagnosis. During a routine appointment to discuss a completely different matter, she was diagnosed with a pretty severe case of scoliosis of the spine. She has xrays this week and begins physical therapy on tuesday.

No kid can just keep taking it and never have a problem. She's had a hard time accepting that yet another thing is "wrong" with her. She went through a couple of really depressed days.

Yes she's the queen of the diagnosis, but when do we get a break? When does she get to go to a dr and they simply say all is well we will see you in a few months?

She's 12. And in her 12 years she has had to endure more stress, trouble, heartache and judgment than most adults I know.

I'm writing this because I want to take a minute to just say Damn,....this sucks. because it does. But also to give props to the girl who has faced so much and still finds the time to do amazing things. She wrote a new song this week. It's really good and I'm so proud of her.

She doesn't understand why she had to be the one to get bipolar and anxiety and autism and now scoliosis. But she knows she's strong enough to handle it. And she knows that she will be strong enough for whatever she has to face next.

It's Alive....

2011-01-18T01:27:00.002-05:00

Or better yet...it's LIVE!

I've officially got a website. My very own. It is for my freelance writing business. I'd share it here, but would defeat the anonymity of this blog. If I go off on a marathon of words that could make a sailor blush here I don't want it to affect my business. But I'm psyched.

Now to bring in clients.

Oh how I want to make money at this.

I mean I am making money. But I can make more with my own site. At least that's the plan. So here's a big shout out to grumpy who is truly grumpy from having to work on my site today.

And here's to my new site. Which came complete with a blog. No worries. it won't replace what I never get around to posting here.

Life is good today!!

I laugh...I smile....I take drugs...

2011-01-16T18:26:00.002-05:00

Believe me when I say the drugs make me able to laugh and smile. Or you could believe grumpy when he says I never laugh and smile. He's wrong though. I do. Just not at his lame jokes.

It's been a long week. Work has kept me busy. Life has kept me busier. Trying to determine how to juggle a full time job and homeschool is proving to be a cause for the necessity of stronger drugs. Preferably ones that add about 8 hours into my day.

Since this blog was created to outline the journey of becoming a person among the life of being a mom, I should add I've rediscovered something. I was fortunate last year when I stumbled upon the ability to become a freelance writer for an actual income. No more telling teenagers that sex causes babies for two cents a pop.

However, I had still yet to recall how much I truly love fiction writing and article writing for me. I'm exploring that now. So now I work all day and then in my free time I'm working on writing stuff for me. So in essence, I'm always working.

When my first bestselling novel hits the shelves it will all be worth it. Ha Ha.

In the meantime I'm working on a short story for a contest. If I win it will be published in a well known magazine. That would rock my socks.

Now if I can just get the doctor to prescribe more hours in the day.

Brought to you by the letter..............

2011-01-10T15:26:00.000-05:00

What is wrong that so many of our letters are being blatantly discriminated against? It's an injustice. They just sit there, in the alphabet, waiting to be used in a nice little (Or big) word. Some people use them elegantly, others...not so much. But they are there. To use.

Words were created with letters. For example the word word has four letters. It has W- O- R and for good measure it ends with D.

What...that word also has FOUR letters. W- H- A- T.

Not WUT. Not WAT.

You see where I'm going with this right?

Why has H been discriminated against? The same could be said for the T in JUST. Again a four letter word.

Someone, somewhere is to blame. They have butchered our language. It was already the most messed up language in the world. Now people are making us sound like a bunch of uneducated hillbillies.

It's hard enough to see Brat's friends do this. I want to correct them all. Point out that speaking like that only makes you look stupid. But all the kids are doing it and I'm the old lady so I'd be the stupid one.

Besides...they might think my ellipses look funny and they don't comment on that.

But when people my own age begin talking like this I want to bitch slap them. I realize its the thing to do. Back when I was first on the internet I probably did all the 'things to do' as well. But geeez...its annoying.

Besides, soon there will be an uprising. H and T will want their place back in our words. They will stage an uprising. They will employ a group to fight for their equal rights and knowing our luck the Rev. Jesse Jackson will jump in on it.

Save me the headache. Quit talking like a moron.

Please and thank you.

Just another Manic Monday.....

2011-01-08T03:05:00.001-05:00

and Tuesday through Friday as well.

Wow this has been a busy week. I really intended to keep up with the blog, but I have been super busy with that crazy little thing called work.

I'm so tired I'm envious of the birds falling out of the sky because they can rest. Whew.

I don't have anything witty or enticing to say today so I guess I will do a quick and disjointed update of my scattered thoughts:

* Brat has scheduled us for like 14 hour school days. If she adds any more subjects she won't finish the year until 2014.
* When everyone in the house is too busy to clean, it begin to looks as though the Goodwill exploded and left the rejected items.
* By the time Grumpy gets my website up, I will be too old to write anymore
* By the time we get Brat's website up she will be past the age limit to use it
* I can write really powerful songs in my mind when I've slept less than 5 hours in 2 days, but chances are by morning I've forgotten them
* Brat can make herself gargle while she sings...its kind of odd yet unique
* Brat can write some pretty awesome songs for a 12 year old girl....though she might need to learn to write music unless she expects everyone who tries to sing them to have telepathy
* Summer makes up for winter in Michigan. Summer makes up for winter in Michigan. Summer makes up for winter in Michigan. Maybe if I keep repeating I'll believe it.
* I'm almost over losing my poems....almost
* If I leave the Christmas stuff up for one more week does that make me extra spirited or extra hillbilly?

Well thats my random thoughts for today. Tune in next time where we hope to be back with your regularly scheduled comedy.

I'm naked....and everyone can see it

2011-01-02T23:17:00.002-05:00

If you still read this blog after my long hiatus, bless you, and you may have noticed that it's looking a little funny. My background has disappeared along with all my little buttons.

See I host my images on a personal webspace I've had for years. I use it simply for hosting my images and holding onto things I didn't want to lose track of....such as poetry I had written and didn't want to lose if my computer crashed.

This isn't just free space. I PAY for this space. Needless to say I don't check it regularly. And since I've been away from the blogosphere for a bit, I didn't realize my attire was gone and I was showing the world my pure naked glory.

So I thought maybe I was due for a payment. It happens. I tend to never realize payments are due until after the fact. So I went to the website to check.

It's nowhere to be found.

I thought maybe it was just an outage. They have them often, but its cheap hosting and I don't have to have a domain name, so I put up with it. So I did a little investigation.

Turns out they've been MIA for several weeks. The company and owner isn't returning emails, phone calls or any other communication. Some people have 10,000 page websites on the server. I merely had a lot of images, some irreplaceable photos and a few poems I had written and do not have anywhere else.

It appears I've lost it all.

It was not a good start to my day. I know it seems small, but I don't handle losing things well. This is why I placed those things on this service I paid for. So I wouldn't lose them.

Good news is I have backups of all my blog images. Better news is I am working on developing a website which will give me hosting for my images.

Bad news is, until its all set up I will continue to be naked. And it won't replace those items I lost.

2011.....not going well so far

The longest New Year's Resolution in history....

2011-01-02T02:28:00.003-05:00

So I decided to keep my New Year's resolution simple. I didn't want some long drawn out list. So I shortened it to one word.

Consistency.

Yes you read that right. Consistency. I decided that for 2011, I was going to be consistent in more than just bitching about what isn't done correctly and playing Super Mario Bros on the Wii.

Everything I needed to do in my life-- increase my earnings, become financially stable, lose weight, eat healthier, be a better teacher....all of it boils down to being more consistent in the things I begin and attempt. If I put half the effort into what I try that I put into capturing that damned Princess I would get somewhere.

So I kept it simple. 2011 would be the year of consistency.

So we are sitting outside on New Year's Eve because it was unseasonably warm here in the Frozen Tundra. And Brat begins to tell her resolutions. And Grumpy looks at me.

So I say consistency. Then I start explaining how I can be a better teacher by being more consistent in getting prepared to teach and how I can lose weight by becoming more consistent in how I exercise and eat right. And then I went into a long explanation of how if I get my website set up and start attracting clients I can improve my writing and my income which would also lead to financial stability. And how I can blog more often and try to have more time for myself.

So I went on for a few minutes.

Grumpy looked at me and said "You said a simple word and I thought you had a simple resolution. You then turned it into the most confusing and complicated resolution I have ever heard anyone give"

So see, I've already started. Rambling. It's consistent.

The Christmas Card we selected from Shutterfly!

2010-12-03T22:11:00.001-05:00

Joy And Happiness Christmas 5x7 folded card

Make a statement with custom Christmas cards at Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Shutterfly's Christmas Cards Rock My Socks...Seriously...

2010-12-02T04:03:00.007-05:00

I admit it, I have been slack about Christmas cards for like...ever. So I decided this year I was going to do Christmas cards. I had the image in my head. I would have Brat in front of the tree in a Santa hat. I went so far as to buy her a scarf/top set I saw for the photo. I was SERIOUS that this Christmas card would happen.

Along with a photo of Brat, I planned to take individual photos of each of the 3 animals in a Santa hat. I actually purchased a santa hat for the animals. This card was in the works.

Have you ever tried to keep a Santa hat on a chihuahua, yorkie and a cat?? It was a quick photo session. Sophie was resigned to suffer.

Peanut was eager to be done.

Sebastian wondered why he had anything on his head at all.

Cute huh?

The vision in my head was all four of them individually and then the words Ho Ho Ho. Surely I could find that. Sadly, in my search I have discovered that it is truly hard to find cards that accommodate four photos. They have 3, 5, 6, even 8. But 4 seems to be an odd number.

This isn't true with Shutterfly's Christmas Photo Cards. Searching through their site I found numerous cards that were made for four photos. I spent hours playing with each one trying to decide which one I liked best.

I will say that they did have a Ho Ho Ho card. It was, however, for 3 photos. So I either had to get rid of an animal or move on. That's okay because I found several that I liked. I think I have decided on the Joy and Happiness 5X7 Folded Card. I like the simple message. It doesn't include from the *** family which always sounds so not like me. It wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and brings about what I wish for them. Joy and Happiness. Best of all, it is a folded card so I can write inside it. Perfect when your loved ones live 900 miles away!

My favorite part is that Shutterfly is actually less expensive than most everywhere I checked. I mean I could get a set from the drug store but the designs were not the same high quality and I didn't just love them. For a nice card that I'm proud to send out, the prices are very good.

Being me, I had to browse the rest of their site. Because of course I had heard about them but had never really surfed the site. I realized I've been missing a lot.

I am actually consider having one of their personal photo calendars made as gifts for Christmas. I know several who would love them and I have a lot of pictures.

I might pick out a notepad or two for myself. I love notepads and use them often.

So I highly recommend you browsing the Shutterfly site. It is filled with many gift ideas and loads of holiday cards to choose from!

Where's Waldo....

2010-09-26T18:54:00.002-04:00

Sometimes my life feels like those crazy Where's Waldo pictures. It's all chaos and I am looking for this one particular thing amid a frenzy of activity.

No I didn't die. No I didn't give up on my blog, although it may seem that way. No I didn't forget how to log in and post.

What I did do was follow a goal of mine forever. I took my love of writing and turned it into a job as a freelance writer. The good news is that I am doing something everyday that I am really good at and I make a bit more money than I made before doing something I was only semi good at. The good news is that I can officially say I am a writer.

The bad news is that I am nowhere near writing what I want to write. I write content for web pages, articles about products, articles for online publications, and who knows what else its for. I just write it, I don't ask questions. Often I'm given a set of words and told how long it needs to be and viola I come up with an entire page of information.

It isn't glamorous or exciting, but it is a step in the right direction. However it leaves me wiped out. So I've neglected anything considered fun. Well that's about to change. I've decided to incorporate real life into my life as well.

So watch out world, the Queen is back. And I will be as sarcastic and crazy as ever.

I changed your diapers without bitching and you will do the same for me...

2010-07-16T17:40:00.002-04:00

I have a theory. I gave birth to Brat. I changed her diapers. I was spit up on. I was peed on. I was pooed on. I was thrown up on. I held her when she was scared. I made sure she didn't run into traffic. I made sure she was fed. I braved the unknown and baked cookies at Christmas with her. I took her to multitudes of appointments. I sat on the bleachers when she cheered. I was in the audience when she sang in the talent show. I was there. Taking care of her. I will continue to do so until she no longer needs it. Even past the point of her wanting me around.

Turnabout is fair play. When I'm old and I need diapers. When I need spongebaths and my ass wiped and someone to feed me...she damn well better be there. Period.

And she KNOWS this.

We have established that if she's a world famous singer she can hire someone to be home with me while she travels...but I digress..

So today we had duel doctor appointments. Meaning I scheduled Brat and myself back to back. Well there was this lady with her elderly father in the waiting room. He asked to go to the bathroom. She chewed him a new ass. Yelled at the top of her lungs how he didn't need to go. Told him he had just gone on their way there. Screamed that he was like a 'fucking two year old' and to find something to keep himself busy.

Seriously?

This is how you treat the parent who raised you?

I cringed every time her mouth opened. I seriously wanted to knock her down.

So I did what any good mother and homeschool parent would do. I used it as a learning opportunity. I looked at Brat and said:

"When I'm old and need you to help me, if you EVER treat me like that, I will either beat your ass or pay someone else to do it for me"

I think she got the message.

Because I want to guarantee my daughter a life of therapy...

2010-05-21T02:39:00.003-04:00

Grumpy is convinced he's on candid camera. Or some secret show where people watch him all day and laugh. Kind of like the cruel and mean version of The Truman Show. He's pretty sure that I ask him to do things just so this fictitious audience can have their laughs for the day. Really it's not a bad idea. Aside from watching hours of him flying pretend planes complete with sound effects, an audience would quite enjoy a day in the life of Grumpy.

But I can't put him on camera. I am pretty sure that if our daily lives were recorded we'd be charged with "causing the insanity of a minor" or something like that. Someone would come to our house. They would see that we really do sort of torture our child in that "We are your parents and we don't care how awful we are" kind of way. She is bound to need years of therapy just to get past her pubescent years.

I was joking the other day about what I would say if I made a list of common phrases heard in our house. It made me realize that maybe we aren't normal. Not that being normal is all its cracked up to be. But still...maybe we could be a little less ...crazy?

Poor Brat. She has to spend at least a small portion of her day trying to convince her dad that she is not a lesbian. It never seems to work for her. In reality it's just funny to see her repeat it over and over. Don't look at me like that. What good are the preteen and teen years if we can't have a little fun.

But it did dawn on me that there are a lot of people in my life I might not want to show up at the house unexpectedly. They might not quite understand our humor. Some may think we were horrible for joking about homosexuality with our 11 year old daughter. To them I would have to say...suck it. Even she giggles about it.

Don't think it's one sided. Brat calls Grumpy a girl all the time. It's just not as funny because he doesn't defend himself. Besides we all know he's a bit feminine.

Can I bum a cigarette.....

2010-05-16T14:00:00.003-04:00

So I left off with Nikki on my adventures of the world wide webtv. Man I loved that thing. But what sucked was that I had one. For the whole house. One little webtv and keyboard. Granted Brat was a baby so she didn't need it. But me and Grumpy sharing? Let's put it this way....we don't have a table right now, but there are 3 computers in our house. We DO.NOT.SHARE.

So I ventured out of that newbie chat room for webtv and I discovered a whole new world. I tried going in the local room but man were there a bunch of jackasses there. So I kept exploring. Then late one night I found a nifty little room called Happily Married. What an oxymoron. Seriously.

This group was a crazy bunch of folks. But they were welcoming and friendly. I didn't know when I started there that there were 3 distinct groups. The late night group which is who I first met. The morning group. And the daytime group. Very few people crossed over. You were among one group.

Well my first interaction was the late night group. So that's where I stayed for the most part. I introduced Grumpy to it and he became as attached to this room as I did.

I did crossover though. I became one of "those people". I ventured into various hours of the day.

Looking back I wonder what attracted me to most of those people. They weren't exactly normal. Or sane. Which may be the answer to my question. For a time in my life, I felt I couldn't do without them. Funny to think about now as I talk to very few of them on any kind of basis.

But we had cyber weddings, truth or dare, cybering...though that was part of truth or dare most times....a newsletter that grumpy started and I took over and redid and then it fizzled. I mean it was a whole life that existed in this little black box.

But nothing will ever make me forget that one day. I was out of cigarettes and money wasn't there for more. I was needing one bad. And I was chatting about it. And how bad I needed a cigarette. When this newbie that I didn't even know offered me a cyber cigarette. Well hell if it worked for weddings and divorces why the hell wouldn't it work for smoking. So we started talking.

That was 10 years ago. My daughters whole life time almost. And she is STILL my best friend. We talk daily. We know everything about each other. We've been through separations, divorces, babies, jobs, lack of jobs, good stuff, bad stuff. We've never met. Though I swear we will someday. But if I thought Nikki was a friend....Well that was NOTHING compared to this.

No matter how many times we've moved, no matter who was or wasn't in our lives...it never changed anything. When I lived at my grandmas, we sat up all night on the phone thanks to five dollar calling cards and watched CMT. When I travelled back and forth....we talked the whole way. She's the sole reason I got a headset for my cell phone. When Brat was diagnosed Bipolar it was her that I went to. No matter what it is...I know I can talk to her. Just ask her. Just the other night we discussed the inside of a vagina. Please don't ask.

I'm going to copy and paste what she said when we were discussing this very thing. It says it way better than I ever could.

"imagine, we always have someone somewhere, who weve never even met, but we always worry about one another and keep in touch no matter how crazy life is, through a billion moves and life changes weve been there for eachother, even without ever having met face to face....without the internet, neither of us would be who we are, and a lot of it was because of our friendship, as we walked eachother through the bad spots and rooted the other on through the good spots
in my entire life, Ive never had a friend thats lasted as long as you, and we can talk about anything, without shame or judgement"

That my friends is the truest friendship I've ever known.

And no matter what else happens in life. How we might lose touch for a while. We always find each other. And we always have 89. Aliens. And sooo much more.

Love ya Lynn!

I want your sex....

2010-05-16T01:38:00.003-04:00

Remember the songs we grew up to? The stuff that was on the radio all the time. The videos we watched on MTV back when they actually showed videos. We had Madonna's Like a Virgin, George Michael's I want your sex, Samantha Fox with Touch Me and then for the really wild ones There was oooh me so horny.

So explain to me how a generation who embraced sexuality in our every day lives via music, grew up to raise kids who know so very little about their own bodies?? And how did we become so uptight about things that we view a little girl in a halter top or bikini as being "sexual".

I have mentioned before I answer questions by teens. I am serious people, our kids do not know ANYTHING about the good OR bad of sex. They don't know how to avoid being pregnant. They don't know that a kiss or a grope doesn't mean he loves them. They don't know ANYTHING. And its our fault.

And now we are punishing the little kids. Little girls. Innocent. Wouldn't know what provacative means. They can't dance or wear clothes that reveal skin. I'm surprised we don't reinstate the full body swimsuits of the olden days.

Ya see recently a few things have come to my attention. People are quick to make generalizations. I've seen kids who were doing an innocent yet time consuming activity referred to as provocative and sexual. I've seen people say that their parents should lose them. What were they doing you ask? They were dancing. They were also 7. They had no clue how adults perceived their dance moves. And *gasp* their belly buttons were showing.

Seriously?

This is why I have to inform teenagers every day that yes if you stand upside down in the bathtub but didn't use a condom you can still get pregnant.

But that's not what I fear most. I realize these kids are in danger of STD's and early pregnancies. That's a given. But that's not my biggest fear. Because at least I know they will eventually learn that stuff.

What I'm scared of is that we are raising a bunch of kids who are going to be afraid of their own sexuality. Ashamed of their bodies. Remember our parents? Grandparents? How they wouldn't even kiss or hug in front of us? Do we want that life for our kids? Yes there are limits. And it's on us to set them. But make them fair. Don't ruin the lives of these pure innocent kids.

Because self esteem and love of oneself and ones body....those things can not be replaced. And it takes years of therapy to repair them. Trust me, I know.

To DO: Quit making so many lists

2010-05-11T19:12:00.002-04:00

I am addicted to lists. Everything I do/plan has to be written out in list form. And I never run out of lists. I'm amazed that I don't organize my sex life into a to do list. It is just a small part of what makes me anal. When we were spring cleaning I had a very detailed list. Each night I'd cross off what we completed and completely rewrite the list for the next day.

It drives grumpy insane.

With homeschooling I've found it comes in handy to be a little obsessive compulsive. It makes my days go smoother when I have a list of assignments for the week already written.

I even make lists when I send Grumpy to the store. Which is like...all the time. That way he can't say he didn't remember something. Although he still does. But now I can come back with "BUt I made a list"

But how do you know when your list making is crossing a line? When it's mother's day and you set your daughter free in the dollar store with cash. And you open your gift and find 2 notepads, 4 pens and a preprinted to-do list.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my gift. Grumpy does not. He sees it as more torture as I plan the daily events of our life.

Poor Grumpy. Brat has started it as well. She's planning a sleepover. She has a notebook with guest list, food lists, game lists, movie lists, lists of what songs to play and on and on. She tells us daily how she's too busy for something because she only has 2 weeks to plan her party.

Grumpy is set for a life of misery. Pretty soon he will have a bathroom schedule.

The tried and true fitness plan

2010-05-07T13:24:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe as I write this that its been almost 10 years since I discovered the internet...10 years...almost my daughter's entire lifetime. And here I sit...hooked as always.

It was a summer day in Wisconsin when I first ventured online. I was of the poor variety, so my first taste test was on a webtv. For those who do not know what that is....feel lucky. It hooks up to your tv and phone line. You pay a monthly fee and you get internet access. Not full fledged computer access. Pages had to webtv friendly. And you could not download anything. There was no hard drive. But oh how I loved that webtv.

I ventured into a webtv for beginners chat room and that started what would ultimately change my life.

In that chat room I met Nikki. I'm using her real name because if for some reason she ever found this blog, I'd love to hear from her.

Nikki was purely awesome. We clicked almost right away and we chatted constantly. Nikki loved to dance and was going through a divorce. Her theme song was Believe by Cher. We created our own infomercial. Yes I'm a dork and I'm about to prove it.In our chatting we truly discovered the use of the acronym LMAO. But it struck us one day....can you REALLY laugh your ass off?

That's the beginning of our informercial. It was called Laugh Your Ass Off with Nikki. We had our speech down pat. What better way to lose weight than to do so laughing??

If it were indeed possible, I would have had the flattest ass in America. Because Nikki truly kept me laughing.

One day I was lucky enough to be traveling through Knoxville, and Nikki happened to live in Knoxville. So we met at a Waffle House. It was my one brief meeting with her. And she was just as awesome in person.

Somehow over the years Nikki and I lost touch. I ventured on to other chat rooms. One that would become a staple in my life for several years. I met other people both online and off. But I will always remember Nikki.

When I look back and picture those early days of internet, I imagine Nikki dancing around her house to Believe while talking to me on the phone.

And hopefully today she is sitting somewhere laughing her ass off.

I need a 12 step program...

2010-05-06T14:31:00.003-04:00

I'm a sucker for contests. I am always entering them, though I rarely win a damn thing. But when the prize is a book....and not just any book but a book that has been labeled as funny....i'm so in! I love to read. My extremely large "to read" pile proves that. It also proves I don't often have the time to read. But that's okay. I will find time here and there.

Well Aunt Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka is doing a giveaway....for a great book she highly recommends. And since she is full of awesomeness and I value her opinion....and well since I'm a follower by nature and have to do what everyone else is doing...I am jumping on the bandwagon to enter her contest. And a quick blurb...if you've never read her blog...you MUST.START.NOW.

So for an extra entry I could show my life in pictures and then for an additional one, I can blog about who I would nominate for the nobel prize of awesomeness. Well you won't be getting pictures. I hate pictures of me. I refuse to have a whole post about pictures of me. Yuck.

So on to the next chance. Who would I nominate for the nobel prize of awesomeness? Well that's simple.

Al Gore.

What? Isn't he the one who invented the internet??

Well Okay....then whoever invented the internet. I seriously am addicted to the internet. I need a 12 step program. I tried one, but I lost it on the first step: Turn off the computer.

Really what could be more full of awesome than the internet?? I mean really? But since I guess I need to share my reasons....here goes nothing...in honor of the 12 step program I need, I will list 12 reasons why the inventor of the internet is my hero.

1.) I met one of my best friends in a chat room many moons ago. We have never met, but she is one person I can share anything with and vice versa. She's always there for me.

2.) I belong to a wonderful group of ladies. The Sisterhood of the Fancy Britches. These ladies go beyond awesome. Recently one of our sisters lost everything in the Nashville floods. As of right now, our group has raised almost $700 for her.

3.) Blogs. Need I say more? I mean I couldn't possibly get this much information from others around the globe without the internet!

4.) Facebook....the best way to communicate with family without having to actually interact.

5.) Email...I can do almost all of my contacting people via email. No need for phone calls. Great for a person who has phone issues!

6.) Who needs to have a phone book laying around? I mean my mom had an obsession with saving phone books. I'm the opposite. I hate them. Now I don't need them. I have google!

7.) Yahoo Messenger....because my mom didn't call me enough...now she can IM me too!

8.) Miss American Idol?? Want to know how everyone did? Just hop on the computer and watch the episode. Put it on, turn the monitor around and lay on the bed watching your favorite shows. Not that I do that....im just sayin

9.) Shopping! I get much better deals on books on Amazon than I can get in the store! And then there is ebay. And what if I know I need to run to walmart and get something but I need to compare prices between other stores? I can do it all online!

10.) You can work from home...if you are like me, you can answer sex questions from teenagers who obviously know NOTHING for pennies a piece. Oh the joy.

11.) Craigslist....its like a giant online yard sale!! I've gotten many things from them and sold even more. I love it. I can list what I have and I don't have to set it up, price it and sit outside all day hoping people come!

12.) and finally.....photosharing...I get pics from all my friends and family....no ordering...no costly prices....and I can share the latest pic of Brat with whomever I choose. And if I just want prints to hang up...I upload them to the store and pick them up an hour later. Awesome!

So my award for the Nobel Prize of Awesomeness goes to either Al Gore or the guy who really invented the internet!

Because I can't be awesome all the time

2010-05-06T00:35:00.002-04:00

When I was a girl I knew how my life would go. I knew exactly who I'd be and where I'd end up. I was going to be a writer/teacher because yes I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder that much. I was going to marry my dream man. I would have the white picket fence and the house full of kids. Did I mention I was going to be a writer. Writing was in my blood. I spent all my free time writing stories. I wrote the beginnings of my first novel when I was like the ripe old age of 11. And damn was it good.

Then life happened. I got married. I had a child. I never became rich...or even middle class. Hell I don't even think I qualify for poor. My white picket fence turned into a nice little mobile home that needs an assload of work. And if you count Brat's personalities and friends that are always here, I did get my house full of kids. I skipped the baking cookies after school because honestly it's best for the environment if I don't venture too close to the oven.

But none of that saddens me. I don't miss what I don't have. I don't long for more most days. Of course on an occasional day I might think of how nice the perfect little house would be. But I'm content with my home.

But the writer part. That makes me want to cry. I devoted so much of my childhood and teen years to writing. To expressing all my thoughts in stories and poems. In preparing for the future I knew I would have.

Yet I never did it. I rarely find myself writing anymore. Not for lack of desire. It's for lack of time.

Then it hit me. If I can find time to sit on facebook and find out cousin Johnny is mowing his lawn....why can't I find time to write?

Truth be known...others took that away from me. They criticized every time I wrote something because I was real. And honest. And it touched too close to home. It made people angry.

Well screw them. I may not always be the most awesome person on the planet. I have bad days. But writing is what is real to me. So screw the haters. It's easy to say that since I don't think I've given them the link to my blog. But even if they find it, screw them.

Starting this week, I am finding me again. I am going to start writing again.

And when I have the money of John Grisham and Nicholas Sparks...lets see how they like me now.

I don't have a clue what I will write. But I will make time for it every day.

It might be nice if I started here huh?

I need you to take out someone for me...if you're not..you know...busy

2010-05-02T00:22:00.002-04:00

I admit it. I'm a self proclaimed mafia war junkie. For those who have no clue what Mafia Wars is, it's a facebook application. Instead of growing stupid plants and tending a garden, you rob people, beat their ass and sometimes kill them.

It's all in the fun. And I enjoy the challenges.

But even good things can go too far. And now they have.

You can get SMS alerts when your Mafia needs you.

Really?? It has come to this. I'm sitting down to dinner with my family....my cell phone alerts me to a text...I read it and jump up to go help someone in a battle on a pretend game on facebook?

I mean I'm all about the fun and games. But there is a line that shouldn't be crossed. And this is it.

What if you are at work? Church? Your child's school play?

I mean facebook is cool. And yes I have it on my cell phone. And I enjoy it. But SMS alerts for Mafia Wars.

Let's all get sucked in further.

Talking to the wall is sometimes more productive...

2010-04-28T00:21:00.002-04:00

When I'm doing something, if someone asks me what I'm doing I answer. "Oh, i'm making a sandwich." or "Not much, just chatting on facebook". It's not a big mystery. I don't have some secret agenda that no one else can know about. Granted, my answers are usually boring. But boring isn't annoying to others. Boring doesn't make them want to scream and throw things at me.

Grumpy, however, he's a different story. If he's in the middle of something I hear "Nothing" or "i'll explain later" or "i'm busy" or my favorite "WHAT????"

I mean seriously.

So tonight because he jinxed us today by saying something would break tonight, the hose to our toilet busted. Oh the joys around here. Last night it was the kitchen faucet. I'm a little scared to face tomorrow.

So he's trying to ~~rig~~ repair it. In the bathroom. Under the toilet. In the bathroom.

So explain to me why in the middle of this process he proceeded to take my dryer out of its lovely little nook and plant it directly in the hallway.

I asked.

He said ....and I quote verbatim....."Let me do my shit and I'll explain later"

So apparently in order to repair the toilet hose in the bathroom, he needed to place the dryer in the hallway.

Only a man could come up with that. And yet he can't take two seconds to tell me why. So instead he continues on, I am perplexed and annoyed to the point of blogging about it. Because that's what I do. I get pissed and I share.

In the meantime, I'll just talk to the walls. At least they don't start moving around my appliances.

What part of a chicken is the nugget??

2010-04-22T21:34:00.003-04:00

I've always been a follower. Oh you want me to drink beer? Sure give me a case ~~or two~~ . Hmmm, smoking will make my buzz better. Well count me in folks. Always the one to do what everyone else was doing. And yes I still am. No I don't drink cases of beer anymore. But if my friends tell me that the Reester Bunny which was created by the devil himself is a perfect treat...well then I must run to Wal-Mart. Or Target. Because all the cool people go to Target.

It's gotten bad. I now want an Ipod Touch. Do I want it because I fell in love with it?? No. Because it has a feature I just HAVE to have?? Nope.

I want it because all my friends have one.

So when everyone else was watching Food, Inc and Supersize Me...and my friend in Nashville ~~forced me~~ allowed me to watch it...I joined the ranks of many touting how I was going to buy only organic meat. And McDonald's wasn't going to be on my menu anymore.

But I came home. And I found that organic meat doesn't agree with a poor person's budget. So I had to bypass that idea. But I stuck to the McDonald's thing, and it wasn't just because I couldn't afford the dollar menu.

Then along came Jamie Oliver. Oh how I love that man. But oh how I hate how he's changed my life. The Food Revolution is one of my favorite shows. I have learned more than I ever cared to know.

Google it folks. Mechanically separated chicken. See how nuggets are made. And Spam/Treet. And hot dogs.

It may change the way you eat. It sure has me. And its not because everyone else is doing it this time. It's because I truly care about what I'm putting into my body. For a change.

Then the same friend who wanted to turn me into a Vegan before I left Nashville decided to post a video on Facebook. It's called the four year old cheeseburger. A woman has a four year old McDonald's cheeseburger and fries in a lunchbox. They didn't break down. They have no mold. No gunk growing on them. They look like she just bought them.

We put this stuff in our bodies.

Now Brat won't even eat McDonald's. And neither will I.

So I'm on another bandwagon. hopefully one that doesn't cause me to wake up next to strangers.

And I'm praying no one shows me what is in a Taco Bell Taco.

Guess who's back?

2010-04-21T01:21:00.002-04:00

Well I've taken a reprieve from blogging. Not intentionally it just sort of happened that way. Homeschooling, life, frustration, stress....yea it all got the best of me. But I'm going to try to do better. I will make a conscious effort to blog. I know I have a lot to share.

So I'm in a weight loss challenge with a group of ladies. I haven't weighed myself this week yet. But as of last week I am down 10 lbs. That is truly awesome. It almost makes it worth all the expense of eating healthier.

I know this post is boring. But I did want to touch base and say I'm still here. I'm going to post more. I promise.

The plane didn't go down...

2010-03-24T22:56:00.002-04:00

I wasn't taken hostage or somehow kept from the blog world by a natural disaster. I actually arrived home safe and sound a week ago.

My trip to Nashville was awesome. I met some great friends and spent time with a wonderful little girl. My Biggest Loser audition was exciting and again led me to meet more friends.

I fell in love with a book store.

I didn't see Tim McGraw.

But all in all I really enjoyed the trip. And it changed me. In major and minor ways. The most major being I quit smoking when I came back. It's a struggle. Even now, on day 6 I am struggling to not smoke. I find as I get stressed I really want one. But I'm holding steady.

It's not that I didn't want to blog. Between homeschooling Brat and getting back into the real world I managed to escape for a week, I just haven't had time or energy. But one of my many changes is with this blog. I plan to blog daily.

So be warned. I might resort to sharing stories from my life LOL.

Attention Passengers....

2010-03-11T01:51:00.003-05:00

I am off. Flying the big blue sky. Heading south. Hopefully heading into some warmth. Saturday is the casting call for Biggest Loser in Nashville, TN. So I am headed out first thing in the morning to stay with a friend.

I have been blessed by so many friends, family and prayers.

No matter what happens on Saturday, this will be the time my life has changed. I've already started with replacing things in our diet and making healthy meals.

And of course Jillian Michaels is trying to kill me.

So I am off for Music City. I probably won't get much of a chance to blog. But when I get back I'll tell you all about it.

Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

2010-03-08T14:00:00.004-05:00

Brat loves that game show. She even has the DS game for it. I, however, am not a fan. But mainly because through this game I have learned that I am not, in fact, smarter than a fifth grader. And ironically, Brat is a fifth grader.

So what does this mean for me? It means that in regards to those boring school subjects I ~~ignored~~ took many years ago-- my child is smarter than me. Scary isn't it?

Know what makes it even more scary? I have decided to homeschool Brat. Apparently I have decided that the million things I must do, plan and keep track of were not enough. I wanted more things to figure out. More things to have to organize. More paperwork in my life.

It's been a long time coming. Brat just has needs not being met at school. Things that are important. I've watched her struggle for many years only seeing it get worse. I've realized this year that the powers that be have the communication abilities of my living room wall. I can talk all day, but when all is said and done, no one has talked back.

So I did it. I pulled her out of school. I signed up for some online classes for her. And viola...we have homeschool. I do have many ideas and plans to implement once the new wears off.

She is currently taking her math lessons.

I am sipping diet mountain dew and playing mafia wars. Don't hate. You probably are addicted to some facebook game as well. Mine just has to do with killing, earning money and dominating the world.

Maybe this won't be so scary after all. As long as Jeff Foxworthy doesn't appear and start quizzing me.

The future American Idol auditions in the making

2010-03-06T01:07:00.002-05:00

Brat's school has a talent show, though I use the title loosely. They call it a talent show. They even have the process of auditioning and waiting to see if you made it. Which only leaves me wondering how bad the kids were that got rejected.

Every year they narrow it down to their best. And that in itself is scary. Especially since she attends a school for the arts.

Hers was this past Tuesday. We attend. We kind of have to. Brat is always in it. And well I may sound like a bragging mom, and I probably am, but she definitely rates in the top 3-4 of the night. Of course so could I and I sound like I'm killing a cat when I sing. But seriously Brat has a beautiful voice and we are currently in the process of getting her a voice coach.

But these other kids??

Whew. In the first act they had an 8th grader play the Star Spangled Banner on electric guitar. He was really good. Which I could not say for the girl who chose to play electric guitar while singing (I think??) to a Taylor Swift song. Oh my ears.

They had several piano players that sounded like a recital of the first song you learned to play. A couple of comedy routines that I thought would never end. Several singers that scared the small children. And a few dancers that did great jobs of walking circles.

In their defense they had a couple of great singers, the staff did an awesome song as well and then they finished with a family dance routine that totally blew you away.

But the rest....I see chicken suits and Simon Cowell saying "What the bloody hell was that?" in their future.

Speaking of American Idol.....how in tarnation did Haley Vaughn make it onto the show? Her rendition of The Climb made my ears bleed.

I'm evil. I'm probably going to hell. But I'm taking you all with me!

Restraining orders are overrated...

2010-02-28T01:30:00.005-05:00

So I'm headed to a Biggest Loser open casting call. Yes I am. I have been blessed with some great friends. One is putting me up for almost a week so I can be there for the actual day and then stay in case I get a call back. And the rest joined together to provide me a plane ticket to get there and back.

So Nashville here I come. I can't even begin to explain how excited and yet nervous I am all at the same time. Mostly excited.

So in true OCD fashion, I started researching things about Nashville.

Mostly things like where Tim McGraw lives.

As scary as it seems I found out...or at least I found out where someone else who apparently is ~~obsessed~~ a fan says he lives.

So would it be wrong to have my friend take me by there and sit outside until he emerges?? Or is it a waste of time? I mean is he on tour? Will he even be there? Will Faith have me arrested?

Speaking of Tim. This is how my friends announced to me that they had gotten together to pay to send me to Nashville

I mean really. I was so busy ~~drooling over~~ looking at the picture I almost missed the message.

Do those ladies know me or what???

If I disappear after March 11, send bail money.

Random comments from Brat....

2010-02-24T23:54:00.002-05:00

Brat: Mom you have a girl stache

Me: Yes I know

Brat: Why don't you do something?

Me: I will, thanks for pointing it out

Brat: I have one too

Me: No you don't.

Brat: yes I do, feel this....

Me: It's fine

Brat: Can I shave it?

Me: no, you can not shave it.

Brat: But I don't want a girl stache

Me: If it gets bad I have a cream for it

Brat: You should use the cream.

brat: So the smooth away won't work?

Me: you should not use the smooth away on your lip

Awkward silence

Me: Brat, did you use the smooth away on your lip??

Brat: mayyyyyyyyyybeeeeeee

God eats mac and cheese

2010-02-19T23:44:00.003-05:00

It's been a long day. Tomorrow is the girl scout Father Daughter dance. It's a yearly event that Brat and Grumpy go to. They walk in, sign in, have their picture taken and Brat runs off with her friends and Grumpy sits at the tables with the other dads. Such fun. Definitely worth the $15 I work hard to earn!

Every year we scour the thrift stores for the perfect dress. No I'm not paying full price for a dress she wears once until its prom. And we will see then! Today wasn't so bad. We found it at stop #2.

But oh how she wanted the straight, tight black dress with spaghetti straps. Oh how bad it fit. We went with another choice but she sure wasn't happy about it.

Then grumpy brings me ties to choose from. I look and they are red, brown, burgundy, blue....plaid, stripe, paisley....

Did I mention that his shirt is white with blue stripes and his pants are khaki? Really? Do you think those ties match? I believe God invented women so that men matched. I mean seriously. He would have worn one of those if it weren't for the fact I ~~refused to purchase them~~ kindly reminded him that he's not going to look like a fool ~~representing me~~ escorting Brat.

Speaking of God. I was in the kitchen and Brat was heating up some mac and cheese. She leaves for a minute and comes back and says how long has it been done?? I said I didn't know I wasn't paying attention.

"You were ignoring God's food? That's just wrong"

So apparently God is a fan of the Save-A-Lot brand of mac and cheese. Awesome.

I must live under a rock

2010-02-18T22:25:00.009-05:00

I don't get it. I seriously don't get it. Maybe my mind is warped. Maybe I need a big dose of some alternate reality to bite me in the butt. But I just. dont. get. it.

Apparently the movie The Princess and the Frog is bad. According to many Christian moms, it is not a movie they would let their child see. Oh they have one big glowing reason. It includes voodoo. Good voodoo and bad voodoo. So they are refusing to let their children watch the movie.

Really?

Now first my disclaimer before I rant. I don't think bad of anyone who chooses not to see the movie. That is your personal choice. You have a right to your opinion. I have a right to mine.

Oh and I might mention I haven't seen it yet, but I really want to.

Now back to the subject. Voodoo. Okay I can see that the idea of voodoo makes people a little nervous. It's a subject they may not want to tackle with their little one. Sure I get that. I suppose you also do not want to let your child watch the other Princess movies or Wizard of Oz for that matter. Right?

I mean witches? Do we really want our kids to think spells are okay? And don't use the line but they know its pretend. Witchcraft is not pretend. The way they play it on the movies is pretend. But witchcraft is very real.

So did you draw the line at Cinderella? Fairy Godmothers? Really? Talking animals? A pumpkin that becomes a coach?

Let's get real people.

None of the movies are all that great. For shits and giggles, lets talk about the other princess movies a bit. I'll try to keep it short.

Cinderella- A girl who is a nobody and a nothing until her fairy godmother provides her with material objects so she can go to the ball. She goes back to being nothing until the Prince comes and makes her important.

Beauty and the Beast-- A girl who agrees to become a prisoner of a man/beast just to get away from the boring that is her day to day life.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs- A woman who leaves home because of evil and ends up moving in with 7 strange guys. She becomes the maid and chef for them while they go earn the money. She is then poisoned.

Sleeping Beauty-- A woman is under a spell to sleep and can only be awakened by a kiss from her Prince.

Now are these the life lessons we want to teach our daughters? That they are no one unless they have the perfect man?

We can analyze them to death and realize how ridiculous and wrong they are on a moral level. Or we can accept that they are pretend, our girls like being a princess in their mind and we can enjoy the movie.

I want to see a Princess movie made where the lead is a ragged woman trying to mop the floor while kids run across it, with muddy feet of course, and then the dog pees on the living room carpet while she is finishing the kitchen. She cleans that up only to find dinner burning in the oven as her husband (the prince of course) walks in and says What's for dinner I'm starving. She orders a pizza, pops in some movies, cleans the mess, does the laundry, bathes the kids, gets them in bed, manages a kiss to her husband and then hides in the closet with a bottle of vodka and her laptop to blog about it all. To me....that says Princess if anything does!

Nuff said.

Editors note: after re-reading this I realized it came across as if I was targeting Christian moms. As I am a Christian mom I don't want to seem to be targeting them. It just so happens that the people I have read who are boycotting this movie do so because of their Christian values. Not all Christian moms are boycotting the movie. And even those who are aren't bad. I just don't get it.

Show me the money!

2010-02-18T16:43:00.000-05:00

I belong to a wonderful close knit online group. These ladies are more like sisters than cyber friends. In so many aspects of my life, they have been there for years. To cheer me on, to hold me up and to cry with me. There are so many times I am not sure I would have made it without their love and support.

Now they want to kill me.

You see, beginning Monday, we have a weight loss challenge going on. So far there are 19 of us signed up. It is a 3 month challenge. We post our percentage of weight lost each Monday.

I'm very competitive.

I can't not do my best.

They've even sweetened the pot. It costs everyone $5 to join in. That is either $5 in money or a $5 amazon card code from swagbucks. The winner of the challenge gets all that.

Did I mention I like books??

So not only do I have to do my best because I'm OCD. But now I want that prize. Yes I want the weight loss more. That's what its really all about.

But cash?? Gift cards?? For the poor people, thats like super awesome.

So show me the money baby!

I feel blessed to have such a wonderful group of ladies to join this with me. To be able to share my challenges and victories with them. To know I have that support system.

They can't kill me! I'm here forever.

Hopefully several pounds lighter and several gift cards richer.

Sooooooo my losin it debut

This is my before pic. Taken a couple weeks ago. This is me at 367 lbs. I'll post a losin it post every monday.

Provided Jillian doesn't do me in.

And just for the record I had to agree not to become bulimic, anorexic or a drug addict to win. Seriously. There goes my crack plans.

There's no one else i'd rather die at the hands of...

2010-02-18T00:31:00.001-05:00

I am a swagbucks addict. I use it all the time. I build up my bucks and trade them for Amazon gift cards. Now I'm not lucky enough to have a bunch of people under me making me bucks-- if you would like to be under me, let me know.

Wait a minute.

That's not sounding good.

Oh well. Anyways I normally save my amazon cards until I have enough to buy a few books. I like books. Better yet, I like expensive books. But I like expensive books I can't afford to buy. So I buy them with swagbucks. And don't think I'm not a bargain shopper. I buy the used books.

So I was saving my gift cards. And viola. I made an executive decision. I bought Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred DVD.

I have it on good word that she is going to royally kick my ass. I will probably die a slow and painful death at some point in the next week. The neighbors will have to call 911 because Grumpy will be too busy learning to paint his planes to realize that I just keeled over in the living room.

It's not the same as her sitting on the rails of my treadmill yelling at me. But it will have to do.

So bring it on Jillian! I am ready for you. Okay no I'm not, but if anyone is going to kill me, I'd prefer it be you!

Sorry but no I'm not her

2010-02-15T17:21:00.000-05:00

I had visions in my head from very early on as to who I wanted to be. I knew what my life was going to look like. Okay so maybe marrying the rich man and having a maid wasn't in the cards, but the important stuff I knew.

Well I'm not her. And by that I am not saying I am not the skinny blond at the beach in the bikini with the perfect full body tan. Hey this is the internet. I can say I'm her if I want to. ~~though in reality I am sooooo not her~~

I was going to be mom. And I was going to be a great mom. The mom that baked cookies all day. The mom that had 4 happy responsible, respectful, well behaved children. The mom that sat in the floor and played dolls with her daughters. The mom that took her sons to sporting events. Yes I'm OCD. My even number of kids had to also include even number of boys vs girls. In my perfect world. I was going to hug and kiss all my kids all the time. I was going to be sure they knew how much they were loved. Life was going to be perfect.

Not.

I'm not her.

I don't bake cookies all day. Mainly because it's in the best interest of everyone involved. I can't bake. I can't stress that enough. Baking is just not in my abilities. I'll even be honest and admit that I don't even cook dinner ~~hardly ever~~ every day.

I don't have four kids. I don't have three kids. I don't even have 2.3 kids. I have one. Now if we include her multiple personalities I am like Mrs. Duggar. But if we only count bodies, I have one child. She isn't always respectful. We are working on the responsible part. But I figure she gets it honest. And always well behaved? Yea welcome to the REAL world.

I rarely sat in the floor and played. It's just not me. I can plan a million fun things to do. And we had occasions where we did crafts or even attempted baking. But I just wasn't a play with you type of mom.

The hugs and kisses took some getting used to. I'm a strange woman. I don't find comfort in hugs and kisses. I don't enjoy cuddling. I'm just not that woman. But I did make an effort with Brat and I say it worked. She is very comfortable with hugs and kisses unlike her mom. Except she's not into hugging me much anymore.

So I'm not her. Life is not perfect. My house isn't organized the way my OCD likes which is a daily challenge in my brain. There's a mess most times. My child misbehaves and yes even in public. I don't live and a nice two story house. Dinner is often cheap and easy. And the bills aren't always paid by the due date. But they get paid. And that's the important thing.

So I've had to make my peace.

I'm not her.

And I'm okay with that

Weapons of mass destruction...

2010-02-13T02:28:00.000-05:00

I was right and I knew it. I shouted it from the rooftops. I preached to anyone who would listen. After all, I am a woman and that is my job correct? Because isn't it a fact that we women are determined to always be right and we pity the fool who disagrees?

So it's no shock that when I declared I would never ever ever partake of the complete and utterly insane world that is facebook "fantasy" games, I meant it. You need nails for your barn raising? You are asking the wrong chica. Want me to see your pretty fish? Nope not going to look. Raising a zoo full of endangered species? Good for you. Just don't try to sucker me in. I am a busy woman. I have jobs. I have responsibilities. I already waste enough time on Facebook trying to ~~play super farkle because o-m-g super farkle far beats farkle~~ catch up with family and friends. I certainly don't need a stupid phony game taking on my time. I mean seriously. I barely have time to ~~read blogs~~ spend with my daughter. And you want me to participate? I don't even have the time for the notifications let alone the games. That's probably why when I finally cave and go to my notifications it takes me an hour minimum to go through and click ignore. I let them build until there are 200 of them at a time.

So then tell me how this rational, sensible, busy mom ended up absolutely freaking addicted to mafia wars??? I mean I literally sit in wait until I have more energy to do more jobs. I spend millions upon millions a day in building new casinos and buying new weapons. I constantly build up my fighting skills and attack many. Although I still can't pass off trying to be a hitman yet. I've moved up like 40 levels in a week. Seriously folks, this is bad. Do you know the high I get from icing a new foe? When does a 30 something mom get the opportunity to use icing a foe in a sentence?

And I can't just go in and play. I am OCD after all. So I started with the easy level jobs and had to complete each job in levels 1,2,3 then moved up to the next level and did 1,2,3 and kept going. I HAVE to master ALL the jobs in ALL the levels. This is taking me a while. I also constantly send gifts to my mafia and receive gifts in return.

I have even considered adding strangers to my facebook just to increase my mafia. The same facebook where I share family and girl scout pictures.

Today I realized just how bad it had gotten. A relative of mine joined a group for unlimited energy for your mafia man. So I went to the group.

Step one copy this link and share it on Facebook-- Nope not gonna do it. I want my free unlimited energy but not enough to make me look like the crack addicted psycho I am.

Step two become a fan of the page-- Well I MIGHT do that. Let's move along and see.

Step three- go this site to download the hack

So I go to the site. It wants to make sure I am a human so it makes me choose a quiz. I chose which twilight character are you. Hey might as well show my mental age here right? So I took the quiz. Well it wanted me to sign up to get the results.

Nope. Don't sign up for things.

Ok here's your link. Click to download.

My brain is going nuts. Noooooooo don't do it. Noooooooooo its a trap. Never ever ever click links to download stupid stuff like this. Do you not like your computer at all??? Come on back away slowly.

I clicked.

Sorry there was a problem with the download

Please stop it. You are seriously going to regret this. back away now and clean your computer. Pleaseeeeeeee.

Click again.

Sorry there was a problem with the download

Ok I give up. See I know computers. Not as well as grumpy. But I am well aware after years of being ~~addicted~~ a user, that you NEVER EVER click on one of those links.

Three hours later I'm cleaning the spyware off my computer.

All I wanted was free energy.

But hey, my notifications stay clean now. And with the exception of my mafia, I still click ignore.

The many transformations....

2010-02-11T19:17:00.000-05:00

Today was my day off. A self proclaimed day off. In other words, I decided I needed a day for me. So yesterday I went and picked up a bunch of craft stuff. And today was officially craft day. Now let me stress that I have NEVER painted anything before. Except maybe the basement I painted for 2 years in my old house and still only got 3/4 done. That aside, painting is new to me. Especially painting crafts. But I'm on a mission. And today was my test run.

I will say that one of the projects isn't horrible for a first time. The other...well let's just say it took many transformations before I finally admitted it sucked.

Then I made a neat little snack craft for Brat's class. They damn well better appreciate it after I sat for 2 hours on the floor making them.

Here are some photos.

My supplies are ready:

Then I had the templates I created in Paint Shop

Did you know if you pencil in the back then it works like carbon paper? You can trace the pattern! Thanks Lynn for that awesome tip!!

And now we have project one...affectionately called POS! LOL. It had many different looks before I threw my hands up and said damn I can't get it!

Look 1:

K...so that was bad....how bout we paint over it??

Ewwww no. I have a better idea....

I can NOT paint freakin circles....I give up

On to project 2....the template has been transferred:

Not perfect but far better than &*&^$&&* otherwise known as project 1.

Yes I know my border is messed up....remember its FIRST TIME.

Project 2 finished....its a picture holder that hangs on the wall!

Brat liked it!

Now for the school treats....I got this idea from A Little Tipsy and thought it was super cute...but holy wow at how expensive it turned out to be!

All in all it was a good day off. I only cussed a few times at project 1. And now I know what I need to improve for my next attempt.

Yes I promise it's edible...

2010-02-06T01:03:00.000-05:00

It was about a year and a half ago. I was going through one of my phases of desiring to be like these super cool moms who bake the most awesome desserts. Brat was having a birthday.

On my new bender of blog reading, I learned of Bakerella. She is like the Martha Stewart of baked goods. And she was taking the internet by storm. It was through a group of my cyber friends that I first learned of this Goddess and her super easy Cupcake pops.

I loved them. So I decided that I would make these awesome treats for Brat to take to school for her birthday. I mean wouldn't that make her the most loved kid in class? Her mom would forever be known as the one who brought that fantabulous dessert. So what could be the problem?

Oh yea, I can't bake. And even worse, I can't decorate what I baked wrong in the first place. But how hard could these super desserts be?

I started with the cake as instructed. And I must say it was thicker than 1 cm so I was off to a better start than most baking jobs I undertook.

Going good so far. It looks like a cake. It smells like a cake. Now I just have to make little balls. Even I can do that right? I mean I've made meatballs and such. It can't be too bad.

I definitely call that a success. Super easy. What on earth was I worried about? I mean I made the cake (from a mix) and I made the balls. I was rockin this baking job. Next step...cover them with chocolate and put them on their sticks.

At this point my confidence was soaring. Brat was going to have the best birthday treat in class ever. Mama was on a roll. Baking was now my friend. All I had left to do was cover them in white chocolate and then sprinkle them. I had bought styrofoam to place them in. Like a little cupcake pop bouquet.

What?? You mean I can get to the end and screw them up??? I mean putting a little white chocolate on them is TOO DAMN HARD??? Seriously?

Apparently so....

But don't get me wrong. Brat was remembered. My cupcake pops were most definitely remembered at least through the year. But not for the reason I would have liked. It seems that I got a hair in one. And that one happened to be the one her crush chose.

Now do you see why I say I can't bake?

Because self torture is so exciting...

2010-01-28T22:10:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a drastic step toward "changing" me. Hey maybe my slogan should be hope and change -- think they are copyrighted?? ..anyways back to thought. I've thought a lot about this and I've decided I want to give it a go. I am auditioning for Biggest Loser.

I know what you are thinking. What on earth would make me want to torture myself with the extreme side of weight loss? Well, life. Because mine is valuable. At least to me and I'm pretty sure to Brat though she'd never admit it.

I have a serious weight problem. And because of that I also have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes. I get winded walking in Wal-Mart and I LOVE to shop. So for the skinny bitch inside screaming to get out, I'm going to give it a shot.

I know I'm up against many. But it can't be worse odds than playing the lottery. Or starting a blog and hoping to get readers.

If I make it, I hope Jillian whips my ass into shape. I hope I come home with my life changed. If I don't make it....it will be on to plan b. First I have to have a plan b.

Don't worry for me fine folks. Worry for Grumpy and Brat. They would have to survive without me here. That's just plain torture.

Random comments from Brat....

2010-01-28T13:15:00.000-05:00

It's that time of the month for Brat again. And she has almost mastered it by now. But occasionally she needs a little help. So the other night she calls me in the bathroom to help. Which really was more like me sitting there coaching her and saying "you can do this" in a motivational way.

So she comes out all proud of herself. Walks in the room, looks at Grumpy and says....

"Dad I just needed mom's help a bit because I couldn't find my vaginya"

If only I had a camera attached to me at all times.

This is an emergency...please exit to the left in an orderly fashion...

2010-01-26T22:33:00.001-05:00

Have you ever had a moment where your life flashed before your eyes? If not, have you ever wondered what would go through your mind?

Well today we are sitting here doing our normal daily stuff. By that I mean ~~goofing off on the computers~~ working and stuff. It's getting close to time to pick Brat up. And I had sold something on Craigslist that I had to drop off so I had to go with Grumpy to get her. Ironically my blood sugar picked this very moment to plummet to very low levels. So I am having a Mountain Dew throwback (Which are awesome by the way) and trying to get my sugar back up. Suddenly we smell something. It's a something burning kind of smell. Like if you leave an iron on and it starts burning the ironing board. At least that's what I think I remember an iron smelling like since I'm not even sure I own one.

Back to the story. We smell this smell and well we had nothing that should have smelled that way. So we panic. Grumpy points out that he needs help to locate what is burning. So he starts down the hallway. I head to the bathroom and can't find anything. I then get into the hallway and the room starts spinning. Remember my blood sugar was low. So I fell. Grumpy continued to hunt. Not realizing I had fallen, he gives me the evil eye when he comes back and sees me sprawled in the floor. Yes dumbass I normally decide to plop my butt in the middle of the hallway and especially while I think something might be on fire in my house. Can I roll my eyes here??

So we narrowed it down to either the furnace or the electrical problems we are having. Just lovely. The smell went away right as the heater turned off so I'm leaning towards the furnace. But we had to leave. I informed Nana what was going on and handed her a fire extinguisher just in case.

Me?

Paranoid??

But as I sat there getting ready to go I looked longingly at my desk. What should I do? I mean what if something caught fire while I was gone? I'd lose everything. Maybe I should put the computer in the car? Oh and my camera? I mean what would I lose if those were gone?? I surely can't replace them. I'm too broke. And all my photos for years are on the computer.

But it would be silly to unhook it all and stick it in the car right?? Plus then I'd have to take Brat's and put hers in the car. Then Grumpy would want his. Yes folks we have multiple computers. And seriously wouldn't it look bad if we loaded up computers and cameras and left my mom here???

So I settled. I handed Grumpy Brat's phone. I mean yes I got them (blackberry) on a buy one get one deal. The drawback to that is I got no warranty. If its gone, I pay the $500+ to replace it. So I said "here take this and I'll take mine, we can't replace those." And we left.

On the way to the school I realized I never even thought of the dog.

Not Me Monday....

2010-01-25T22:00:00.000-05:00

I'm participating in MckMama's weekly NOT ME! Monday. Head over to her site to see what she and everyone else has not been doing!

I did not end up missing my scheduled volunteer hours because life had gotten the best of me. And if I had I most certainly did not sleep in way too late. And even if I had done all of that, I certainly did not lay there feeling sorry for myself until the wee hours of the morning. No way! Not Me.

I did not allow my daughter to invite a friend of a friend that she had met once and only chatted on facebook with over for a sleepover. I did not then take them and buy them pizza, movies and a video game. I did not then have the girl decide she didn't want to stay and go home. That would be terrible.

I did not then see this girl talking to my daughter about making out in the bed with her boyfriend. I did not about have a heart attack. I did not have to decide whether to ban this girl or not. I did not decide that she's going to come across this eventually and being secretive about this stuff will only entice her more. No way. That would be liberal parenting.

I did not get into a debate on politics with my relative who doesn't debate well on Facebook. I did not share how I felt about previous administrations. I did not question his theory of socialism. That would be silly.

I did not have dessert night two nights in a row instead of our one night. I did not do this because I did not totally ruin my turtle brownies. I am not bad enough of a baker to ruin boxed brownies. No way.

I did not suddenly find and become obsessed with the Knock Off Wood blog. I do not now have multiple plans for building stuff this spring/summer. I am not afraid that I will ruin it. Obviously I must be good at something since I am NOT good at baking.

I am not in a down place right now. I do not need to find a way to bounce back. I am not feeling like i'm on a drowning boat all alone. That would mean I did not have it all together. And we know I have it all together.

So what have you NOT been doing??

Oh no she didn't...

2010-01-24T22:02:00.000-05:00

You may have noticed that I've been kinda ranting and raving lately. Talking about deep stuff and all that jazz.

Well let me introduce myself. My name is Queen Bee. I'm 30 something years old and I'm bipolar. Seriously. So sometimes I feel funny. Sometimes I feel serious. And when something strikes me I write about it.

So if I seem to be ranting a lot, just go with the flow. I will eventually bounce back to how to survive the turmoil of having a pre-teen that doesn't want to be seen with me. LOL

The world is doomed...

2010-01-24T21:43:00.000-05:00

Yep you read that correctly. The world is doomed. Why? Well let me tell you a story.

I have a job. It's a work from home gig. Technically I am an "independent contractor". This just means I work for peanuts, they can lower my wage if they want, I get no benefits and I can do all this from the comfort of my sweat pants and t-shirt. Hey, we all have priorities.

Well I can't get into what my job is, what company I work with...any of that. It's part of the whole privacy agreement I signed. But I can tell you this much. I answer questions. The topics vary. But I spend a good chunk of my time talking to teenagers. Most of them young teenagers. And it scares me to see what they think they know.

I have a hard enough time when I have to explain masturbation to what appears to be a 13 year old boy. I find myself often wanting to ask where his parents are? What happened to sex education in school? And other seemingly obvious questions. But some of the questions about sex are much more serious. I get a lot of 'How do I know if I'm pregnant'. I get a lot of how to perform specific acts.

But what kills me are the questions that prove that society is failing our teens. Today I got this beauty:

"What is the best sex position so I know she won't get pregnant?"

Really? This is what our teens think? No wonder teen pregnancy rates are on the rise. No wonder two of our Ambassador Girl Scouts (Think top level seniors in High School) are toting babies to the events. Where are the parents?? What are they NOT teaching their kids.

If you are a teen and are reading this I have news for you. EVERY POSITION CAN GET YOU PREGNANT. The only guaranteed way to not get pregnant is abstinence. The second best way is condoms or other contraceptives.

I am worried about what our teens aren't learning. They know how to build bombs, surf the internet, make hearts on their facebook status and design video games. But they do not know how to prevent STD's and pregnancy. Shouldn't those things be a priority??

I blame parents first. Because ultimately it is a parent's responsibility to teach their kids how to keep themselves safe. SAFETY FOLKS. This isn't about showing them that we want them to save it for marriage. Obviously we do. But if they are going to do it, and they WILL, we want them to be safe. We teach them how to prevent accidents in the car. We don't want them to have to handle the car if they slip on ice. But IF it happens we want them to know what to do. Because safety is important. Parents bitched about sex ed classes saying it was a family matter. Then DO IT. Don't assume that little Johnny is not going to do anything wrong. Teach him. Show him values first and then follow it up with safety.

Second I blame schools. Rather than do the job they have and TEACH, they let parents dictate what they will and won't do. And that leads to not doing enough. Why do these kids believe that by hanging upside down in water while having sex they will not get pregnant? Because they haven't been taught any better.

So I am honest with Brat. Sometimes too much LOL. But I want to know that she is well aware of what can and does happen.

Guys I tell you honestly if you had to answer the questions I have to answer, you would be screaming for sex ed from the roof top. Don't think your kids are innocent. Or that they don't ask questions. They just ask them anonymously to strangers who very well could steer them wrong. Wouldn't you rather they ask you?

One of the seven deadly sins...

2010-01-23T23:50:00.000-05:00

I'm guilty of it. Envy. It colors me green more often than I'd like to admit. I see people living their lives, seems as if nothing is wrong in their life, and I envy them. I see kids who have it all together. And I'm envious of their parents.

I'm still living waiting on my dream. The whole house/white picket fence I don't necessarily need. But I'd sure like to have stability and maybe a dinner out once in a while.

What I wonder though is if this makes me a bad person. As if I'm not happy being who/where I am in life. I mean does this mean I am selfish. Or that I regret things in my life?

I don't dislike my life. I just wish to improve it. Yes there are some things I want to be different. Not because I'm selfish, but because things like paying the bills on time would be nice.

Hmmm maybe I'm thinking too deep on a Saturday night. What do you think?

It's like crack for sober people...

2010-01-23T00:17:00.000-05:00

Your life is going along at a normal pace. You get the kids off to school. You either work, clean house or hell maybe just sit on the couch with bon bons watching Days of Our Lives. You manage to cart them to the many after school activities. Somehow you throw in a dinner, baths, and possibly some tv. Normal life. You only drink ~~when the kids drive you insane~~ occasionally. You don't imagine yourself doing drugs. The clubs and wild days of your youth are behind you.

And then it happens. You first experience it slowly. It seems kind of cheesy. You are curious though. After all, everyone you know has tried it. So you do too. "Is this all there is to it?" you ask yourself often. What's the big fascination? But, my friends, that is before you get your first high. It kind of makes you giggle like a school girl. Next thing you know, you just have to include it in your day. But you are mature and responsible. You do it a little at a time. But like an alcoholic, you are sucked in. Five minutes becomes an hour. That becomes two hours.

Pretty soon the husband is taking the kids to school because you were up until 2am. Dinner is Stouffers Lasagna. Hey don't knock it. At least you splurge on the good kind. You begin to wonder if you can skip those after school activities. And before you know it...you are spending hours a day with your new love.

Yes. It is THAT bad. It is the new crack for sober people. It will grab a hold of you and not let go. It will take hours of time away from your family. You will soon reconnect with those you knew "back in the day". And it will cause you to piss off everyone you know.

It is Facebook.

Do you realize how much time I spend on Facebook? Way more than I spend on other things in my life. I can't find time to color my hair but I can sure find time to make sure "the Jones" family is doing ok. Of course I could call "Mrs. Jones" and ask. I could even visit. But no. It's much better to keep up to date with them via status updates.

Now in my defense, half of my Facebook time is spent surfing through the billion and a half notifications from Farmville, iHeart and other such irritating applications. I mean how can I know that my friend went to the dentist today and survived if I don't check in. How can I show the world that I support my mother, father, bra size, friends, troops, doctor and local mall? I MUST check in on Facebook.

At first I laughed. Oh yea, I'm really going to tell people every move that I make. Then one day I realized I had become just like them! Suddenly if I had a blister on my foot I must announce it to Facebook. But I have to be careful. My daughter is on there too. As are all her friends.

Facebook is absolutely the greatest invention on the planet. I know what my family is up to and I don't even have to interact with them!! What kind of perfection is that!!! Sometimes I find out what my mom is up to and she's temporarily residing down the hall. It's genius.

But that doesn't take away from my absolute HATRED of Farmville, Restaurant City, and all the other nonsense games that auto post every flipping thing my friends do in the game. With close to 200 friends that can get really really annoying.

But farkle and bejeweled blitz totally make up for it.

So I admit it. My name is Queen Bee and I'm a facebook addict. It's not just for teenagers anymore.

Excuse me but you are interfering with my meltdown....

2010-01-20T21:34:00.000-05:00

Grumpy has been sick. That statement alone should be enough to warrant sympathy for me. Because unlike me, when Grumpy is sick the world must stop. Suddenly it's as if the earth is going to explode from some disaster caused by the simple fact that he is of course dying of some unnatural cause.

Constipation.

That's what it was. But let me tell you it knocked him flat on the ground. Doubled over grabbing his abdomen as if something were going to fall out. Sounding as if he were giving birth to Roseanne pre-surgery.

Constipation.

I could be vomiting, leaking fluid from every orifice of my body, have my arm amputated and my leg broken and I'd still have to get up and function. But Grumpy can't take out the trash because he can't go potty.

So the trash waited. And I know many women out there would be like Why can't you take out the trash. And my answer is a big resounding "That's not my job". Yes I said it. It's a man's job to take out the trash. It's a man's job to fix the toilet. It's a man's job to shovel the driveway and scrape the ice off the car windows. If God intended for me to take out the stinky garbage, he wouldn't have created men to begin with.

Screw womens rights. All that did was end up making women have to do mens jobs. Now we have to work twice as hard as we had to work and instead of doing the manly things, men are sitting on the xbox playing Call of Duty. Whoopty Doo.

The problem though wasn't that Grumpy was sick. It was WHEN he was sick. I happen to be in the middle of a down spell for me. Which means getting up and dressed is the extent of my abilities to function normally. So in essence he ruined my ability to sit and do nothing and feel sorry for myself.

So i've given him an ulitmatum. He's allowed 2 sick days for physical or medical illness during any given month. The only other way he can have sick days if he decides to go and be labeled crazy like the rest of us.

And I intend to invest in exlax so this never happens again.

I'll take some guilt with a side of shame please....

2010-01-19T16:13:00.000-05:00

Normally on a good day I like to think of myself as optimistic. On a good day. But there is optimism and then there is stupidity. To me optimism is having hope. Feeling that things will improve. It doesn't downgrade what you are currently feeling but leads you to believe that this too shall pass.

For some reason people have adopted a new form of optimism. It urges you to quit focusing on what's got you down and start being grateful for what you do have. In theory it sounds good. But in reality....not so much. It instead makes you feel like you should have shame and guilt over feeling bad about whatever you are feeling bad about. So all this positive being thrown at you only ends up making you feel worse.

A friend of mine once told someone "Don't feel guilty for your feelings. Someone else's reality doesn't diminish your own"

That my friends is a wise statement. Your reality doesn't make mine less. The fact that millions of people are without jobs right now does not make the fact that one of my employers cut our pay by a third suck any less. The fact that many are homeless doesn't mean I should feel better about the fact I need to repair my floors and don't know where the money is coming from.

Yes I am aware that I should be thankful for a home, heat, food and a healthy child. And believe me, I volunteer at a homeless shelter daily. I know what my alternative COULD be. I know that I am very blessed. I don't deny that. I don't pretend my life is the bottom of the barrel because by far it's not.

But that doesn't change the problems I DO have. Lack of money for much needed things. Health problems. A child who struggles daily to just be accepted and liked. A semi sort of job thing that just cut my pay.

My reality is STILL reality. And I am not going to feel shame for thinking right now that it sucks. I am not going to let the fact that others have it worse make me feel guilty for hurting and being sad. I am not going to let the fact that I do have many things to be thankful for stop me from hating some of the situations of my life.

Will I get over it? Absolutely. And I'm still optimistic. I still believe there is hope. I still believe that there will be better days. But today is not one of them. And I won't apologize for that. Instead I will accept my reality. I will feel how I want to feel. I will own the truth.

Tomorrow I will again wake up grateful for the positive in my life. But I won't promise to not acknowledge the negative. Because if I ignore it, I can't possibly fix it.

Interview with Aunt Becky....

2010-01-13T14:27:00.000-05:00

Have I got another blog for you to read. I know I'm a slacker and my blog roll still isn't done. I suck like that. But you have to put down everything and head over to see Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka. This has to be one of the funniest blogs I've read. But be warned, adult language is used.

Now that being said...Aunt Becky is giving away a gift card to Amazon. Who the hell doesn't like free money??? I'm a shopper by nature, so this excites me. As part of my entry to win I am doing her interview. So here goes nothing!

1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take?

Cheese in a can is an awesome food. Who doesn't love it? But have you looked at the nutrition facts? Obviously anything that tastes that good but has that many calories is of the devil. It's a sick and twisted way to try and make my ass too big to get into Heaven.

2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS.

If I had any way to make them go away, they would already be gone. Frankly so would Tiger Woods. I am so sick of hearing about all of them. I mean really I don't give a rat's ass. Move on to something more entertaining or informative. I feel sorry for their kids. They have to actually live with those people.

3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush?

Well I get a lot of flack from close friends because I have a huge thing for Richard Gere. Yes I've heard the hamster jokes. I heard them about NKOTB too. There is always some celeb that gets that rumor. Poor Richard. Maybe I should console him.

4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be?

Well I've always wanted to write a best selling novel. But that's work. And my true honest dream would be to never have to work again and yet still have all the money I needed. I would be a shopper. Yes that would be my dream. Shop all the time. Never have to worry about money. But if we are talking about dreams you actually have to WORK at....well back to writing. I'd love to be able to sit and write.

5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you?

Of course they are wrong. The best revenge is one that brings you great satisfaction while causing pain and torture to the one who did you wrong. I'm all about the payback.

6) What is the most humiliation you’ve experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet?

Well so many people already know my biggest humiliating moment. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to share that with perfect strangers just yet. But let's just say it includes Pizza Hut (while they were open), a lot of alcohol, a jeep and some nakedness.

7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found?

I haven't really shared all that much yet as I'm a new blog. But yep I'm pretty straightforward. If you came over tonight you'd find a little messiness, some dirty laundry and my damned Christmas tree still standing bright in the window.

8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be?

The ability to never sleep. Seriously. I would get sooo much more accomplished in my life if I wasn't so damned tired all the time.

9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there?

Only if the jello has liquor in it. In which case I will always make room for jello. Otherwise, jello sucks.

10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures?

Reese's peanut butter eggs at easter. To Die For. Love them. But that's a random guilty pleasure. I don't really know. I guess staying up late so I have some wind down time without Brat wanting/needing something or making any noise.

Can a baby have a mid-life crisis?

2010-01-13T14:22:00.000-05:00

In terms of age, this blog is a baby. It has barely been around a few weeks. In blog years, that is absolutely nothing. Yet I'm having a mid-life crisis. Part of it is caused by the fact that in the real world, I'm going through some mental crap. Part of it is just indecision.

I started this blog with an idea in my mind of what I wanted it to be. Then I got obsessively reading other blogs. Then I started doing carnivals and memes. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a follower like that. I do stuff just because everyone else is doing it. Yes if all my friends jumped off a cliff I'd probably do it too.

But in all this I somehow lost my train of thought. What I want to be. Where I want this blog to go. I know that I love mommy blogs. But I don't just want to be another mommy blog. I have a vision. But achieving that vision takes a little thought. And my brain is mush.

So bear with me. I'm coming to terms with which direction I want this blog to go in. In the meantime just be patient. My mid-life crisis won't include a 20 something man, a convertible and low rise jeans. I promise.

Writer's Workshop-- Man I Rock!

2010-01-08T01:05:00.001-05:00

I saw this on another blog I read DAILY, Postcards From Insanity, and thought I'd really like to do this. It is a fun blog carnival/meme/workshop created and hosted by Mama Kat (another blog I always read). Well damn. You had to do nothing and you just got two AWESOME blog recommendations from me :)

Okay now on to the writer's workshop. We had to choose a question. I toyed with a couple but I decided to go with:
Describe what you would change about yourself if you could.

Well that is simple. Nothing. I ROCK. I mean I am the Queen of awesome. Just forget that my blog is all about change. I need to change nothing.

OK moments over. Let us move on.

Society has created an epidemic. No matter what age they are or how they look, act and feel-- if you show me a female I will show you someone who wants to change something about herself. We are never good enough. Our looks. Our actions. Our feelings. Our parenting. The fact we don't parent. We are always looking for ways to improve. How often do we see the men in our lives trying to change themselves? We are lucky when the men in our lives change clothes and put on clean ones. Seriously. Yet as women we all feel that we are lacking something. I mean I created an entire blog of how I want to change. I know so many women both online and off who are totally awesome. Yet they want to change things about themselves. I am no exception. I just think it's very sad that no woman I know can actually say I rock. I am awesome.

According to society, I should be considered lazy and slacking because my hair is showing gray. Because my house isn't spotless I am a bad housekeeper. I need to lose weight because I'm careless. When I make frozen stouffer's lasagna I'm a bad cook. I should crawl out of bed every day and put on heels and makeup. Mozy my way to the kitchen to make up pancakes and eggs. Get Brat up and dressed for school in only the highest quality clothes. Get her out the door, tidy up my already clean house. From there I should run my errands, pay the bills and get my hair done. When I'm done with that I should come home, clean again just because that's what I should do and begin my homemade recipe for dinner. After serving up my family a great meal I can do dishes, play with Brat, sew an outfit, bake some cookies and clean one more time. Then I can finally take my heels off and settle down for a few hours sleep.

If I don't do this according to the standards society has set, I am somehow slacking in my duties and life. My parenting is bad because instead of some structured activity with Brat, I choose to kick her butt at Mario Kart. I'm a lousy housekeeper because I chose to catch the latest Hannah Montana episode instead of vacuuming or washing dishes. Since I work from home, if I allow her to go play alone, then well I'm just not a good mother. I am not an attractive woman because I have extra weight on me or because my hair is turning gray. I need to be presentable. I need to take care of myself.

But what society doesn't take into account is that instead of spending 24/7 worrying about all the things I'm not doing, I am living. Did I make cookies at Christmas? Sure. Betty Crocker ones with Brat and her BFF. And to be honest, they made them. I supervised. But it was the best day! Is my house clean? Probably not. But between working and living...time runs out. Do I need to lose weight? of course. But do you know how many men need to lose a few pounds? Quite a few. But how many are actually trying?

I'm not saying we shouldn't always strive to be our best. I'm not saying we don't make mistakes. We all do. I make a ton. When my daughter said someone pushed her at school, her dad told her to shove them on their ass. Is that good parenting? Probably not the best choice of advice. But we love her. And she knows it.

So when faced with the question of what I'd like to change about myself...well the part of me that feels less than would answer everything. I'd love to work on every aspect of my life. To improve my looks, my weight, my health, my finances, my parenting, just everything.

But the part of me that knows while I let myself go just a tad, I've spent the past 11 years getting to know and enjoy the company of one of the most awesome girls on the planet....well she'd say nothing. I don't need to change a thing. I rock. I am awesome!

I'll take a double

2010-01-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

There are days that drive me to drink. If of course I had any liquor in the house. Or any money to purchase any. I may have to learn how to make moonshine or something just for days like this. I mean really? What is up with the universe today.

I knew it was going to be a bad day when I realized at noon that I'd shut the clock off this morning. The problem with realizing that at noon is that you also realize that pesky child is still there. Oops. Sorry teacher. Didn't mean for her to miss school today. Trust me, in the mood she's been in, I REALLY didn't mean for her to be home ALL.DAY.LONG.

Damn it all.

Yes my lazy ass stayed in bed til noon. I blame the theraflu. Technically when I realized it at noon I said to hell with it and went back to sleep. So sue me. I've been sick and life has sucked and I just slept. A lot.

So I woke up later feeling like the useless piece of garbage we are all trained to feel like if we aren't perfect. I'm a failure...blah blah. Go tell Dr. Phil. I've got bigger fish to fry. Like the fact I've got to work and come up with the money I need to go to this ~~torture festival~~ overnight with Girl Scouts tomorrow.

Let's not even get into the work situation. I mean the company that is my main bread and butter right now is making some very wise business decisions. FOR THEM. The rest of us just get it without so much as a kiss. They want me to work for points. Yes I said that right. POINTS. And then these points are worth...hold your breath....7/10th of a penny each. So at the end of the month, they add it up and that's what you make. And then a month later they pay you. How fucking generous.

If I wanted to work for points, I could find something much much easier and better than this thankyouverymuch. But right now I still have the option to work for my small paycheck and I do. Or I try.

Brat was in a mood today. She did a no no on the rules list. So she lost her phone for the day. Damn if she didn't do it again. Girl gets her stubborn streak from Grumpy. I'd NEVER push it to the extreme like that ~~if you believe that, I've got a job you can have where you work for points~~. So she lost phone AND computer for the day. Whatever will she do without access to facebook and Sims 2.

I go later to smoke, and I'll be damned if that girl had not drug her fold out foam chair/bed thingy outside. In the snow. And she was laying on it. In a tank top and pj bottoms. What the hell? According to her, she was now a hobo with no where to live and no one to love her. So my calm cool collected self did the only thing you can do in this situation.

GET YOUR DAMN BED INSIDE THE HOUSE BY THE COUNT OF 3!!!

My neighbors love me.

It worked though. She brought the bed in. And slammed the door. And all my lights went off. Well not all. Only the living room, Brat's bedroom and half of my bedroom. Out. Gone. TV. Computers. All of it. So Grumpy heads off to the breaker box to fix it. HA. Can't be fixed. Well it can. But it's going to take an electrician.

Seriously when the previous owner told me about the TLC this place needed, she left a LOT out.

So we have half power. Of course we got the computers back up and running. I mean I'm crazy but not THAT crazy.

Works For Me Wednesday! Backwards Edition

2010-01-06T23:51:00.001-05:00

So you probably already know that We Are That Family hosts a weekly blog carnival called Works For Me Wednesday. Normally bloggers share tips on what works for them in some way or shape. But this week it's all twisted up.

Instead of giving you a tip-- we are asking for your tips. It's the backwards edition!

So in keeping with the idea of my blog, I'm going to ask for tips on developing a life, hobbies etc.

What works for you? Do you have a girls night out? Do you craft? Do you compulsively shop? What do you do that is a way to give yourself some much needed ME time?

Wordless Wednesday.... Rock On Dude

2010-01-06T23:37:00.000-05:00

What I did for me Wednesday!

2010-01-06T23:18:00.000-05:00

I spend so much time doing for everyone else. I decided as part of changing into my very own ~~human~~ person, I would start telling what I did for me this past week. And I want you to join in with me!! Blog about what you did for yourself and then link up here. Now remember, it has to be something you do for yourself. Not the kids. Not the husband. Not the dog. Just you!

I rarely do anything for myself. I don't spend money on myself. I don't even often make decisions on meals because I want them. I am so busy doing what everyone else wants, or buying what everyone else needs, I get lost in the shuffle. Isn't that the way it always is with moms?? I mean don't get me wrong, I LOVE doing for my family. But every now and then we need a little something too. So my list may be small, but its huge at the same time.

* I went to a New Year's small gathering at my friends. Seems like no biggie. But I went against "mom guilt" to go. You know, the "what am I going to do all alone for New Year's while you are there?" I stuck to what I wanted to do!

* I ordered myself not one but THREE new books from Amazon! Best of all? I used Swagbucks to do it!

* I took plenty of long hot showers. Really guys, I LOVE my shower head. Not not like that. Hush.

* I got my hair cut. Yes I had a gift certificate, but I MADE TIME to go do it.

* I made ~~no bake~~ cookies a couple times. I'm in this urge to take time and make homemade stuff and I did it.

That's my small list for the week. What did YOU do for YOU??

I have a dream....

2010-01-05T23:59:00.000-05:00

No, really, I do. It is to have a blog that is humorous while also being helpful to moms who suddenly find themselves with a kid or kids that don't quite need them as much. Who suddenly have to "get a life". Those who suddenly need "hobbies" and "friends" that do not center around the kids who are growing up way too fast. Those of us driven to ~~drink~~ a new reality that is called adulthood.

So I've been thinking, what can I do to promote that among my blog? And I have an idea. Now it may flop like ~~most~~ some of my ideas. But I'm going to give it a go.

Beginning tomorrow I will start "I did it for me Wednesday". I will start by telling what I've done for myself over the past week. I will add a nifty little linky and you can blog about what you've done for yourself this past week.

It's a start to seeing how we can be people as well as mom. Especially when mom is told at Wal-Mart "Hey when we get inside, you are my aunt".

So be thinking of what little or big things you have done for yourself in the past week!

Comment Problem Resolved....and I'm not a follower...

2010-01-05T23:53:00.000-05:00

First off thanks so much for letting me know that my comments were not working. I appreciate it. I had no idea. I think I have resolved the problem but since my IT dept (aka Grumpy) is asleep....I'm not positive. But I tested and it worked so we should be good. Now you can comment away!!

I'm not a follower. Well in real life, I am. I tend to go along with whatever anyone else does. I call it easygoing. Tigger calls it a pain in the ass. But here in the blog world-- I am not a follower. So please don't be offended. I learned in my personal blog that when I click on follow, it went to my list and I NEVER checked that list. Instead I relied on my favorites or blogroll for that. So I'm working on my blogroll. It will include all the blogs I read regularly! Now don't get me wrong. I will probably over time, go in and follow them. Not because I will read it that way...because I will still use my handy dandy list. But because it is the decent respectable thing to do in the blog world. So please don't be offended if I am not currently 'following' you. I still read you. I read WAY TOO MANY blogs regularly. It's a bit of an obsession. But once I get the kinks worked out and my blog roll going, I will go in and officially follow my favorite blogs. And if I've commented on you or done a MeMe or Carnival of yours you are on my blog list. That I will get done. I promise. Once I have a spare day to finish it LOL

The REAL Queen Bee

2010-01-05T22:47:00.000-05:00

She rules the house. When she wants attention, you pay her attention. She is often found sitting in a lap. Lately she has been becoming more independent. Wanting her space. So many times she will be curled up somewhere near enough to someone to be together, but far enough away to be alone.

She has taken a particular disliking to the snow. You MUST shovel before she will set foot off the porch. She demands it. If not, watch out because she will not go outside. She pretty much prefers the comfort of summer and was meant to live in the deep south where it's (usually) always warm.

She loves to snuggle up in my bed and I HATE it. She moves around too much. I like it calm and still when I'm trying to ~~play games on my phone~~ sleep.

But she is the absolute QUEEN of this house. And she is one more spoiled brat.

I now introduce you to..............................................................

Sophie!

Come out come out wherever you are

2010-01-05T21:20:00.000-05:00

I have just learned that it's national Delurking Week. January 4-10 is the week that lurkers come out and say hello. Now I know I've gotten quite a few visitors. So now is the time to come out and show me that you are here.

I am contemplating what I'd like to do on this blog. Although I love them and read them daily, I don't want to just be another ~~drunk~~mommy blog. After all, my point here was what to do when you are no longer needed to be mommy all the time.

So in honor of delurking week....how about you share with me what you would like to see!

Wat da heell iz rong wif muh

2010-01-04T19:18:00.000-05:00

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. In a way I love that I can stay in touch with friends and family across the country. In a way I hate that friends and family across the country can stay in touch with me. HA! No seriously. It can and has taken up way too much time I could spend ~~reading blogs~~ working or cleaning.

But my biggest pet peeve about Facebook? It has turned todays pre-teens and teens into morons. The famous status message. Where you can tell the whole world when you have to go potty. Only the youth of today has distorted this poor status message into a world all their own. Because my daughter is a pre-teen, I have many of them on my Facebook. Which drives me nuts because ~~I have to watch what I say~~ of all their silly posts and the dreaded hated Farmville. But also because it takes me longer to decipher their status messages than I should be spending on Facebook.

And I absolutely LOATHE the new lingo. It makes my skin crawl. I want to drive to their house, slap their mama since it's illegal to slap them and point out that they take English classes for a reason.

My biggest pet peeves? Well for starters...what the sam hill is wrong with H? I mean did H commit some serious offense to render it useless? Is it really a timesaver to type Wat instead of What? Back in the days when I ~~was younger~~ chatted, we referred to that as a typo. Typonese was my first foreign language.

Then of course there's the Me situation. I don't get it. At all. Me is a simple word. Two letters. Meaning obvious. It's worked for centuries to insinuate that one was talking about himself. My is the same. Simple two letter word. Self explanatory. So why oh why did those two simple words get changed to Meh, Muh, Mah? Hello, even a two year old can say me or my. Why does a 12 or 15 year old find it so bad??

Speaking of two year olds. When did we replace the with DA. Dat (another word I hate) makes us sound stupid. Or maybe its stoopid. Who knows anymore??

While H has been eliminated, Z has gained new popularity. It has replaced that funky S in many words. Thiz, Iz, LOLZ, I could go on and on. I know itz zuppozed to look cool, but itz really not.

And Skool. Oh the irony of that.

There are more words that I don't get and most importantly can't stand. It would take all day to name them all. All I can say for sure is that all around the world, kids have dying brain cells. Or at least it appears that way when they speak. When I was a girl we had to ~~walk to school in the snow uphill both ways~~ do a lot more than chat on facebook to kill brain cells.

I, of course, have raised Brat better. She would NEVER type or talk any less than as a lady. Stop laughing if you know us. Yes I know she walks around the house saying O-M-G and I-D-K. Yes she spells it out. But she does know better than to use this foreign language on me. If she texts me or puts a status message that sounds that way, she gets a good dose of my opinion. And since pre-teens want anything except their mom's opinion, it just doesn't happen.

So I vote we ~~beat~~ convince our kids to speak properly. Or else someone needs to make a dictionary for me. Because I'm spending way too much time decoding status messages on Facebook. I could use that time to ~~play farkle~~ catch up on chores.

Getting to Know You

2010-01-04T17:25:00.000-05:00

I found this over at MannLand. And I thought it'd be a great way to share a little more about myself and learn about others. If you want to participate, just visit her blog and add your link!

1. Where were you born? I was born in Cherry Point, NC. At the marine base. But I did not stay there long at all. So I don't even count it as my "hometown"

2. Toilet paper..do you crinkle/crumple or fold it? I've done both. I don't really have a preference. But Brat...she folds it neatly. Scary that I know that.

3. What was the last movie you saw in the theater? Well it certainly wasn't New Moon. I REALLY REALLY want to see that. But the last one I saw in theaters was Hannah Montana: The Movie

4. What room to you spend the most time in besides your bedroom? The bathroom LOL

5. Would you be grossed out if you found out your husband/boyfriend/significant other hadn't brushed their teeth for 4 days and you had been snogging (kissing) them?
Yea probably

6. Do you fold your underwear? Yes I do...but it ends up messed up so why do I bother?

7. What is one goal you would like to achieve this year? I'd like to have some security and stability going on.

8. What is your favorite month/least favorite month? My favorite month is a tie...December for Christmas and July because its warm and there are no obligations. It's fun. The worst month is January. I think it's the letdown after the festivities.

Not Me Monday!

2010-01-04T14:58:00.000-05:00

The lovely MckMama started a fun tradition in Not Me Mondays. I thought I'd like to participate. So here goes.

It was not me that skipped working over the weekend while it was busy. I certainly didn't skip so that I could read blogs. No way, NOT me. I am way more responsible than that. I worked as planned.

It was not me that ran out of dinners just one day short of the money hitting the account. I most certainly did not then make Brat eat Ramen noodles until midnight when the money hit. It was NOT me that then bought a bunch of frozen junk dinner because who wants to cook at midnight?? I always provide a balanced diet for Brat.

It was not me that poured my NYE drinks. I did not make them a little stronger than I should. I did not! I am not a lush like that.

It was not me that stayed up late and slept late over winter break. I did not get our sleeping schedules all screwed up. I would never do that. I know how important a good schedule is.

It was not me that has avoided grocery shopping for days. It was not me that hasn't even made a list or planned my menu. I am on top of things. I am always prepared.

It is not me that still has Christmas decorations up. It certainly is not me that doesn't plan to take them down until next weekend. I never procrastinate like that.

It is not me that is sick. I never get sick.

It is not me that is hoping I will be too sick to go to the Girl Scout overnight event Friday. It is not me that is dreading it like a root canal. I love Girl Scouts and look forward to all events.

Queen Bee's New Year's Rockin Eve

2010-01-04T00:43:00.001-05:00

Here are some photos from our fun little NYE get together at Tiggers. Not many photos to share out of respect for the fact that they might not want their photos plastered all over the internet.

First off I tried my hand at some no bake cookie balls I found at Taste and Tell. They were sooooo pretty. Until I tackled the recipe.

Yep they were some ugly little things. But they did taste sooo good. No leftovers to bring home sadly.

Next a discreet photo of the girls as Justin Bieber sang on tv. See the overdramatic reaching for him?? Imagine the screams that flooded the house as they realized he was on. It was so ~~ear piercing~~ cute.

Finally a message from Grumpy. I think he was just mad because he admitted that with a little drinking he could possibly be caught licking Mater's face. Yes we were talking about Ellen again. Sadly for Grumpy, no one is willing to go to the bar with him now.

Hair Today, Gone Tommorow

2010-01-04T00:35:00.000-05:00

Slacker moms unite against deadlines.

Or at least that is my excuse for not posting these before/after pics sooner. Truth is, the photos are BAD. They make me look even worse than I actually do. They also add a good 50 pounds. ~~a woman can dream?~~ . So I've procrastined sharing them on the world wide web. My ~~one~~ thousands of readers might think less of me.

Seriously though, here are the before and after pics. Notice all the frizz. And you can't tell from here, but I have THICK THICK hair. I mean horribly thick. And horribly curly. Sorry about the darkness. The lighting in my bathroom sucks. And Grumpy just said "Why didn't you have me take the photos?"

Guess I needed less ~~liquor~~ relaxing that day and I might have thought of it.

BEFORE:

and,......AFTER ( I LOVE IT...even though it wasn't the original plan)

Torturing myself one goal at a time...

2010-01-03T17:03:00.000-05:00

I've spent a few days contemplating whether or not I wanted to make resolutions this year. I mean I never keep them. They are forgotten by ~~January 2nd~~ February. But at the same time, it doesn't seem natural to not make them.

So the goal here is to make resolutions that I can keep. Or at least attempt to keep. So I'm keeping it small this year. But I want to keep in line with my goals to make it into adulthood. I already have my 65 in 365.

So alas, here's my to do list of resolutions for the new year.

* Sleep More
* Work Less
* Enjoy the little moments
* Walk past the chocolate without grabbing some at least once a week
* Try my hand at physical activity-- even if its courtesy of the Wii
* Maintain a decent hair style
* Buy myself some new clothes
* Pay the bills

Seems simple right?? Maybe it will happen. I'm not holding my breath on number 4.

Dear 2010...

2010-01-02T17:30:00.001-05:00

We started the year off with a ~~disaster~~ bang. Can we tone it down now? Seriously. I think too much more excitement this early in the year may cause someone to get hurt.

I realize that the first week of 2010 involves getting back into the school routine followed by the ~~nightmare~~ fun we have at the Girl Scout overnight event. But maybe we can reserve the excitement for all of that.

So what do I want this year? Since you asked.

1. I'd like to have a little peace in my life. Maybe only work 80 hours a week instead of more.
2. How about one day I grasp the feeling of sleeping a full 8 hours and waking up. Not 4 hours because there isn't time for rest. Not 15 hours because I'm ~~depressed~~ overly tired.
3. Could you give me the ~~energy~~ time to read a few books this year.
4. I need to ~~FINALLY~~ have the opportunity to see New Moon
5. I'd like to make a grocery budget and stick to it
6. Losing about 30 pounds would be fantastic....so if you could please remove chocolate from the checkout lines at the store that'd be great
7. I'd love to bake a cookie that didn't look like he-man on crack
8. Maybe throw in some more fun outings to take Brat on that involved getting off my lazy ass and actually doing something.
9. Throwing in a really really high score on Bejeweled Blitz would be fantabulous.
10. Speaking of Facebook...could you possibly remove Farmville so that I don't get riddled with 3,456,789 requests to send a plant or whatever the hell they are wanting
11. Since we are making requests....is it possible to make it through the year without all the pre-teen drama? No? I didn't think so.
12. See the bills over there -----> I'd like to pay those
13. Vast quantities of liquor may help with all of the above
14. I'd like to see my house unpacked and organized but first we have to work on #1
15. And really...how about some quiet peaceful..non dramatic days?

See, 2010, I have been excited about your presence in my life. It meant 2009 was over. That was a bad year. But then you introduced yourself with all the drama and excitement of 2009. I don't want that!! So maybe you can pay close attention and we can work together to make this one rocking year!

Sincerely,
Queen Bee

Size really does matter!

2010-01-02T03:44:00.000-05:00

It's been a long day. A really long day. I should have reserved my ~~drinking~~ relaxing for tonight. But the queen is broke and the closest thing to alcohol in this house is some fermented bread in the pantry.

As you all know by now, Brat "became a woman" today. That's her term. Though I don't think the blood curdling screams from the bathroom were exactly woman-like. Unless of course she has looked in the mirror and realized that not only is she gray, she has wrinkles!

But we made a super discovery tonight. Size does matter. Brat kept complaining of being sore. I couldn't think why in the world she was sore. Then it dawned on me. You see (and I go into the TMI category here) I have the world's worst menstrual cycle. Absolute.Worst.Out.There! So I use the heavy duty tampons. Kotex Super Plus. They are actually quite large when compared to the others.

So I sent grumpy out to the Wal-Mart to pick up a smaller tampon. Hoping this would make the whole situation less painful ~~for me~~. And I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when he called home to compare whether he should get Tampax Pearl or Playtex Gentle Glide.

We opted for Tampax. And it worked much much better. Much less crying. For both of us! I actually compared what hers and mine looked like. WOW.

So far no complaints of being sore. Fingers crossed we may survive her newfound womanhood.

Queen Review: Betty Crocker Cookie Mix

2010-01-02T02:11:00.000-05:00

Before I start, let me say...I haven't been recruited to do reviews. I am not being paid. I didn't receive products in exchange for my review. I'm doing it for two reasons. One- if we are going to take this journey into adulthood together then I should share what works for me or what doesn't. Second- If anyone is interested in me doing reviews, I'd be more than happy to LOL. But mainly #1. I mean what kind of travel guide would I be, if I didn't share my love or hate of products.

All that said, let's get on to it. I signed up for this great site called HouseParty.com. Now I will tell more about them in another post. But it's pretty self explanatory. You sign up, you apply to host various house parties sponsored by companies, if chosen you receive a party pack with all you need for the party. I was chosen. Twice (but I'll share the second later). My first party was a Betty Crocker Cookie Dough House Party.

To be honest when I first received notice I'd be chosen I thought what crack induced coma was I in when I applied to host a cookie party. ME?? I can burn no bake cookies. I mean that's a mild way of saying my cookie skills are ~~horrible~~ not so great. But I was feeling all Christmasy and stuff so I took the challenge.

I was sooo geeked when I got my party pack in the mail. So I set it up. Weather caused it to be postponed. New date didn't work for some. Well basically after several tries we ended up with Brat and her BFF (still trying to find a name for her). But we baked cookies all day long, then enjoyed them with a game of Christmas Bingo. Followed by some wii games. It was a wonderful day.

So how was the cookie mix?? Well we tried several different kinds. We baked Peanut Butter, Sugar, Oatmeal Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Chip.

One thing I LOVED about the cookie mixes is that they were S-I-M-P-L-E to make. Even the girls at age 11 were able to completely make the dough by themselves.

They required very simple ingredients. Just eggs and butter. And when mixing, it was simply a few minutes until they were ready for the pan. This is great when making cookies with kids. They aren't very patient and are ready to get to the eating.

Now the down side? There wasn't much of one. Except for the Chocolate Chip cookies. Now I'm a chocolate chip nut. And I like my chocolate chip cookies to be really chocolate chippy. These just didn't measure up. They have a great flavor...but not enough chocolate chips. Otherwise, all the cookies were awesome. And like I said, perfect for making cookies with kids.

All that aside, even the best, easiest mix can't keep me from messing up the cookies!

7 Quick Takes Friday....

2010-01-02T00:22:00.000-05:00

Over at Conversion Diary they host a 7 Quick Takes Friday. I'm a little late getting in on it, but I'd like to give it a shot.

1. I'd like to say Happy New Year to everyone. It's been one rough year going out, but I'm grateful for all the blessings I've had. I look forward to 2010 as a year of discovery.

2. The big hair cut ended up being shorter than I'd planned on. But I like it. Much easier to fix and run which is what I do most often.

3. There is a huge difference in tampon sizes when thinking about an 11 yr old girl. So if faced with it, go for the smaller ones.

4. I'm loving every second of my new blog. It's such a great thing to have a place where I can go and share and tell my story.

5. Coming up in the next month will be my first craft project of the year as well as my beginning decorating of my new living room. I look forward to sharing that with you.

6. No matter how hard I try I can not make a cookie that looks anything like the pictures that are with the recipe. Even my NO BAKE cookies turn out horrible. But then again they have chocolate. So is really bad if you have to eat them with a spoon??

7. Sometimes I start to feel like I just can not take one more thing. Then I'm reminded of where I've been and where I have to go yet. 5 years ago my daughter spoke to no one but me. NOT ONE SINGLE SOUL. In a couple months will be her third year singing on a stage in front of 200+ members of an audience. And she will ROCK THE PLACE.

Thanks for reading my thoughts.

Out with the old...in with the new...

2010-01-01T18:47:00.000-05:00

2009 was a rough year around here. So many problems. So I was super excited to see it end. After all, 2010 has to be better, right? That was my motto last night. We were at Tigger's for a small New Year's Eve celebration. Her and Mater (husband), Me, Grumpy, 3 preteen girls and a boy. Oh how our ears bled with the screams as Justin Bieber took the stage. WOW.

So whenever anyone said Happy New Year, Tigger's response was "What is so happy about it??" And my standard reply was "It's not 2009. 2009 is OVER"

So I came home slightly ~~buzzed~~relaxed. Played online just a bit and headed for bed. It was a good night. And when I woke up it was a whole new not just year but DECADE. A big chance to improve. I didn't set the clock with the mindset I'd wake up when I wanted to. I should have known that was too much to hope for.

So today Brat leans down beside me. "Mom? Mom?"

"huh?" I tried to appear coherent.

"Mom, I started my period"

Back up! WHAT????? You did WHAT????

Yep folks. That's right. In with the NEW. And you would have to KNOW Brat to know how absolutely AWFUL this was. Talk about over emotional!! So of course I got up. We had the talk about pads vs tampons. But to be honest there is NO WAY Brat could use pads. NO WAY! She's not concerned enough with things like that. It would be a disaster at school. So in our talk we opted for tampons.

Luckily I had a few.

What did I get myself into??? The first time took a total of an hour to complete. She was a wreck. Lots of tears were shed. And she cried too. Yelling. Screaming. Cursing. And she asked me the age old question every woman wants to know that time of the month.

Why don't boys have to go through this??

Simple answer. They can't handle it. I mean Brat is difficult enough. I can't imagine Grumpy on the rag. He'd be curled up in the fetal position on the bed with tears in his eyes repeating "When will it end???" and rocking back and forth. I mean he gets a head cold and the world must stop. Imagining him with cramps, mood swings and having to use tampons makes me laugh.

Tigger's respone?

"Well you are the one who said 2010 would be so great. That'll teach ya to think"

Sooo how did you celebrate your New Year's Day??? Was it as eventful as mine?

Needles and Hair Cuts and Parties OH MY

2009-12-30T23:03:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is D-Day. The day Brat and I go have our blood work done. For me that's not so bad, or unusual. I swear they must be harvesting my blood somewhere. They sure have taken enough of it. But for Brat it's only the second time. EVER. And she is the overdramatic sort. So this has been a big worry on her mind. But Friday is New Year's Day and I don't know if the testing center is open. And Monday she returns to school. So in order to avoid having to miss the first hour of class, we are doing it tomorrow. Shhhh, I haven't told her yet.

Then we will set out on a mission. We will brave the stores. I haven't done that since last weekend. I hope the ~~annoying hoards~~ crowds of people have died down. But Brat has some more money on a gift card burning a hole in her pocket. And I have a gift certificate to get my hair done. YAY. So expect before/after pics tomorrow. Then we will pick up peanut butter and oatmeal for this awesome NYE cookie I found. Don't worry, it's no bake so the fire department won't be necessary.

Then tomorrow night we are headed to Tigger's house. They are having a small NYE party and we have been invited. YAY. I haven't been to a party since...well since I was of the age that I don't remember much of the party. This is a family party. Tinkerbell (Tigger's daughter) is a friend of Brats so she should have fun. I'm sure there will be alcohol involved, but unfortunately with pesky kids around we can't drink ourselves into a stupor to ring in the end of the year. HA. Not that I would anyway. ~~I so would~~ .

So tomorrow should be fun. I will be sure to take before/after pics of the 'new do'. And I'm going to be reviewing some things for you soon. Not that I was asked, compensated, or offered free shit to do it. But I feel it my duty to either tell you what is awesome to use or what blows chunks.

Works for Me Wednesday...stain buster...

2009-12-30T21:19:00.000-05:00

The lovely We are THAT Family blog hosts the fun Works For Me Wednesday Carnival every week. So I am here to share my Works For Me Wednesday tip.

You can not imagine the stains I my child can get on clothes. Apparently I look like I'm made of money and can just replace items at will. But unfortunately looks can be deceiving. Fortunately once, some friends shared a tip on a homemade stain remover solution. I thought well maybe it will help. Now it's not cheap. The ingredients can be pricy. But let me tell you, I once took PAINT off of an outfit. Seriously. This is the absolute most awesome stain solution I've ever used. As a matter of fact I'm going to try it in my steam cleaner to hopefully clean up these carpets.

Here's the recipe. Don't just take my word for it. TRY IT. I haven't met a stain yet I can't remove. Great now I just tempted fate.

How much of each item you use depends on what you are doing with it. I've actually increased it and used it in a washer overnight to clean couch cushion covers. Too bad it only made the rest of the couch look nasty.

1 cup Clorox 2
1 cup regular cascade powder
HOT water

Put your item in there and soak it. I usually soak overnight so its good and clean. Then wash as normal.

There you have it. My tip for the week!

Oh why not...New Year MeMe

2009-12-30T19:03:00.000-05:00

Over at Musings of a Housewife she has decided to do a New Year's MeMe. Well I never could resist peer pressure. Or surveys. So for that reason I've decided to join in. But rest assured I left my shoulder pads at home.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
I began volunteering at the office of our local homeless shelter. I have met so many wonderful people through this. I truly feel blessed. (okay sappiness over)

2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Knowing me I didn't keep a damn one of them. But I wouldn't know because I don't remember what they were. Since I do have a sick desire to torture myself with unachievable goals, I will make more this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousins had their baby boy twins in January. Little do they know what they are in for in a couple years

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Sadly I lost the person I was closest to on the planet. My wonderful grandma passed away in June.

5. What countries did you visit?
I'm lucky I can visit the Wal-Mart down the street. Which depending on the hour might be considered another country.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Money. Not enormous amounts. Unless of course you are donating, in which case, I'll take as much as you offer. But enough to cover the bills and hit Golden Corral once or twice. High hopes folks. High hopes.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory? Why?
June 10th. I lost my grandma.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I survived. Seriously, after this year that's a major accomplishment. I'm not rocking back and forth in the nuthouse waiting on my meds. And I'm not in jail for assault.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I only keep track of the failures of others. I like it that way.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I always suffer illness. It's a part of my charm.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My blackberry. Special offer. Finally got the phone I've lusted after for ever.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine. I'm not in jail am I??

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
We shall leave that question to your imagination. Yes I have to censor some things. I don't necessarily prefer it that way, but it makes my survival easier.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Did you realize they expect you to pay bills like every.freaking.month ???? Greedy bastards.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was really really really excited about moving to my new home. Then I found out the bills actually move with you. Dammit.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I'm sure it's by Miley Cyrus.

17. Compared to this same time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?

a) i'm here and that means a lot
b) about the same and that was one of my resolutions I'm sure. Guess I need to improve that this year huh?
c) right now I'm poorer. But that could change.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
There's a lot, but my biggest one is more outings and fun things with Brat.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Working. I've worked myself to insanity. It's not likely to change, but I sure can wish I'd done less of it.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home, with Nana and Brat and Grumpy. And it was nice. We made cookies. We played Press Your Luck on the Wii. Nice day.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
No but in 2008 I fell in love with Edward. No man will ever compare.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
American Idol and Grey's Anatomy. And Army Wives. And...ya know for someone who doesn't like TV I have a lot of favorite shows.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone. That wastes my energy. I'd much prefer to just piss them off.

24. What was the best book you read?
Well can I still use Twilight even though I read it in 2008? I mean Jodi Picoult was good. But NOTHING compares to Edward.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Brat. Just watching her singing progress and grow. Awwww happy mom moment.

26. What did you want – and get?
My new home. My blackberry.

27. What did you want – and not get?
Quite a bit. But I'll start with a computer from this decade. Maybe I was on the naughty list.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
It would probably be New Moon if I could actually GO SEE IT.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I didn't do a flipping thing. I'm pretty sure we had Peppridge Farm cake at home while we packed and stuff.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeausurably more satisfying?
Stable income, Edward, Stable income. Money. Yea...u get it.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
If it's not dirty, wear it.

32. What kept you sane?
Hiding in the bathroom with a bottle of liquor. Okay maybe not. I wouldn't do that. ~~I would SOOO do that~~. Seriously my friends. Especially Tigger (K FINALLY has a name on my blog) and Lavendar. My partners in criminal thoughts.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hillary Clinton. I so wanted her to be President.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
With all of our medical/mental health stuff here, health care is a biggie for me. But I promise not to bore you with my rants ~~today~~

35. Who did you miss?
My daddy. My grandpa. My grandma.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I haven't met many new people. But Tigger and I became close this year. And I did meet Bella (another fake name for a friend). Bella is awesome and it was sooo exciting to hang with her.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
What doesn't kill you, makes you need valium and tequila.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"I can almost see it, that dream I'm dreaming. But there's a voice inside my head saying you'll never reach it. Every step I'm taking, every move I'm making, feels lost with no direction. My faith is shaking"

Damn, told ya it'd be Miley.

Wordless Wednesday... scary stuff

2009-12-30T17:19:00.000-05:00

When is it too much??

2009-12-29T23:49:00.000-05:00

I realize I'm an old out of date mom. Obviously I realize this with the creation of this blog. But am I really that out of date?? Let me tell you a story.

I have this friend. We will call her Ellen. Ellen isn't a bad person. She has many good qualities. (Watch out, that's usually the lead in to talking about someone's not so good qualities). Anyways I've known Ellen since my teenage years. There's always been things about Ellen that I disagreed with. For starters her clothing. Most of it wouldn't fit around my thigh. But I digress. She's a grown woman and she can dress (or in this case it'd be easier to say NOT dress) anyway she wants to. Then of course, Ellen was always the....ummm...friendly...sort. Not that I didn't have my share of friendly times back in my youth. But I was a little more particular about who I was friendly with. For the most part. Give or take a couple of intoxicated evenings. I was never one to go to the bar and not be certain who was driving me home, if you catch my drift. But again, Ellen is a grown woman and can do what she pleases.

But Ellen had a child many years ago. And I know I was wild and crazy at one point. But when I had Brat I settled down. I might have the occasional crazy time, but they are few and far between. I just assumed that's what people did when they grew up, got married and had a family.

Now Ellen and I don't talk as much. Over the past ...oh ...10 years we've drifted further apart. Partially because of the 900 mile gap between us. I do see her when I go back home. Sometimes. And I enjoy it. Most of the time. But we just don't talk, call each other, send cards, email...whatever it is that friends do. And we certainly don't have the opportunity to go out on the town. That'd make for one more long ride home. So even though I still classify Ellen as a friend, I wouldn't count her as close anymore.

Well Ellen is my friend on Facebook. Speaking of which, don't you love Facebook? The place where all the people you hated in school can find you and you can post when you pee so they know? But back to the topic. She posts pictures. I admit the hot pink mini skirt/dress whatever with pink hair kinda took me by surprise...but most of them don't phase me. It's not like it's a shock.

Well I am noticing a trend. She posts a lot of pictures of her and friends out on the town. At least I'm presuming they are. Last set I looked at included all of them straddling a pole. Little off, but still not hugely disturbing. But the most recent ones...well I have to really wonder. You see they were out somewhere and as usual they were all hanging on top of each other. But they were doing things like sticking their tongues out and faking as if they are licking each others faces.

Now my first thought is...who does this?? Really? Ellen is older than me. And I can't for the life of me fathom a point when I'm out with my friends thinking hey let me try to lick her cheek. And if I somehow ingested massive drugs and alcohol and decided I wanted to lick their face...what would possess me to say Oh shit...let me grab my camera...hold that pose!

I can seriously see how after a few drinks when I'm feeling all invincible and sexual and me saying see this pole...i'm going to pretend I'm a pole dancer. Maybe. But licking my best friend's cheek? Not going to happen.

And then of all things you post that on facebook? So now the whole world can look at it. My thinking is Ellen or her friend or whoever posted it, was thinking hey this is cool. Let me post and see how awesomely sexy and funny my friends think I am. But what we are really thinking is...Damn what a jackass!

Now maybe I am way out of date, I thought. Maybe since obviously there was multiple people in this shot, maybe I'm a prude (i can honestly say I've NEVER been called that before) and I just don't know what a fun night on the town is. Could it be?

So tonight during my girls night out at K's with pizza and episodes of SuperNanny and Teen Mom...am I showing my age here??....I thought I'd share. And I said you know I can't imagine a point when I'd think let me grab the camera and take a picture of me licking your face.

Her response?

You would get decked.

And there my friends you have it. I'm either an out of date person with out of date friends, or this is really really weird.

You tell me. How far is too far to go when you are in your mid (me) to late (Ellen) 30's? Do you have a secret stash of photos of you licking your friends??

Random Comments from Brat...

2009-12-29T03:17:00.000-05:00

Every now and then we have a comment said by Brat that can not go unnoticed. While many are completely out there and totally inappropriate....they send us into fits of laughter. So I will start documenting those comments as they happen. For this post I'm going to add the two funniest comments from this week....

"My friend said Santa wasn't real. He was just your parents. But I told her it couldn't be my parents because my parents are poor"

"What are balls? Nevermind I'll google it"

Yes folks. I'm raising a girl that will google balls to find out what they are. Now I must say in my defense I didn't let her google. But then that brought on the whole well what are testicles questions. Oy.

Such a potty mouth. Must have been all those Bratz dolls she played with.

65 in 365

2009-12-29T02:26:00.001-05:00

Well when I decide to start changing life...I jump off the diving board into the deep end. My first real post is this! Now that's ~~crazy~~ ambitious. But let's give credit where credit is due. I found this over at Snarky Mom's blog Postcards From Insanity. Which if you are looking for another sarcastic but hysterical female perspective to life is an AWESOME blog. But back to the topic....

The point of this is to list 65 things you would like to accomplish in 365 days. I'm lucky if I change my undies 65 times in 365 days. But that's another story for another post. Right now we need goals. And goals I might actually accomplish. Because let's face it...even the mom of a preteen doesn't have time to build a rocket or solve world peace. So I must be realistic. What goals would I like to accomplish?? Well here is my list. Hopefully you will make your own. Be sure to comment and let me know.

1. Initiate a family fun day with activity twice a month
2. Teach Brat how to roller skate
3. Let's start small- Lose 30 lbs
4. Take Brat to the drive-in 3 times
5. Complete one craft or decorating project per month
6. Cut and color my hair and maintain it
7. Volunteer at the Rescue Mission
8. Quit Smoking (hey I have a year right??)
9. Go to the movies once per month
10. Go out to dinner once per month
11. Read one new book a month
12. Rent a newer release once per month and catch up on all movies I have been wanting to see
13. Walk Daily
14. Take Brat sledding
15. Go to the beach (here) 6 times
16. Replace the floors in my house
17. Replace the flooring in my house
18. Replace the toilet
19. Replace the dryer gas line
20. Try one new recipe a month
21. Cook more often
22. Set up and stick to a chore chart
23. Completely finish unpacking
24. Save towards a Disney trip
25. Help Brat pull up her grades
26. Get my diabetes, cholesterol and blood pressure all under control
27. Take a fun class in something I'd like
28. Go to NC to see family
29. Go to the beach (away from here)
30. Visit Chicago in style
31. Have a girls night out with K at least 3 times
32. Straighten Brats hair at least once a week
33. Remodel/decorate Brat's room.
34. Buy a new computer
35. Replace windows that need it
36. Actually use my filing cabinet
37. Start a savings account
38. Start Brat's savings account
39. Pay back Brat the money I owe her
40. Visit New York City (i'm getting ambitious, but its a dream!)
41. Purge the junk
42. Put all my photos in frames or albums
43. Make 12 new scrapbook pages
44. Learn to design Digi kits
45. Make disks of all digital photos
46. Get my business up and running good
47. Buy myself 3 new outfits
48. Buy myself some make-up
49. Go to Wisconsin to see family/friends
50. Go camping twice
51. Take Brat to a concert
52. Decorate for Christmas
53. Host Thanksgiving Dinner
54. Practice my non existant baking skills
55. Redecorate the bathroom
56. Redecorate the kitchen
57. Finish buying needed furniture
58. Write two chapters of the book I want to write
59. Make a budget and stick to it
60. Make myself do something for me every day
61. Clean house daily
62. Plant flowers in the spring
63. Organize my shed
64. Organize my inventory
65. Stay ahead on bills

Welcome.....

2009-12-29T02:11:00.000-05:00

Well it feels silly to jump right into the whole blog thing without a welcome post. So even though I've covered everything in the links to the right, let me take a moment to welcome you. I am the Queen Bee. For more info than that, click on the Meet the Queen button ----->

I hope you enjoy the blog. Be patient, i'm just starting.

Blogs That Help...

2009-12-29T01:45:00.000-05:00

Everyone needs something to soothe the day to day. And since I can't walk around in a drunken stupor, I've resorted to reading blogs. Now many of these may help me on my journey. Many help me save money. And the rest, well they just make me laugh. So I've organized my favorite blogs here for you by category. Better to organize now than end up organizing a mess later.

PLEASE NOTE: I wanted to set up my blog roll page, but I haven't actually added the blogs yet. This is because I have literally pages of bookmarked blogs I must sort through. So bear with me. But they are coming, I promise!

Frugal Blogs
These blogs will help you save money!

House and Home Blogs
These blogs are about anything to do with home, from decorating to well, whatever else you do at home

Craft Blogs
I'm exploring my crafty side...

Mommy Blogs
Blogs about being a mom (or dad)

Digital Scrapbooking Blogs
You can get great freebies or good deals on supplies

Blogs that are funny as hell
Need I really explain this?

Misc Blogs
These include people I know, photography, ebay blogs etc etc.

The causes revealed....

2009-12-28T23:07:00.000-05:00

Way back many moons ago I was ~~not paying attention~~ in science class. And somewhere in that damn class they taught us about cause and effect. As in every thing must have a cause. So it stands to reason that there is a cause for each of these gray hairs on my head. Right?? Am I way off base here?

Well as bad as I am at talking about myself, I am equally as good at blaming others for my misfortune. So rather than a sappy meet my family post. This will be a look at the reasons I'm looking old.

But before I start let's get the disclaimer out of the way. Obviously I'm not using real names. This is because I will share many ~~embarrasing~~ honest facts of our lives. So to protect the ~~insane~~ innocent, I've given us all nicknames. And before you start bitching, no names are meant or taken offensively. They are my terms of endearment.

Now on to the causes of all my frustration and gray hairs.

First there is Brat. She is a good kid for the most part. When she isn't taken over by those raging adolescent hormones and mood swings. Now Brat has some flaws. Mainly her multiple personalities. As all children do. And sometimes I rant about those. So I'm sure you will see your share of that. But she also has some wonderful qualities. She is one of the most loving and giving children. She would take the shirt off her back and give it to a stranger if they needed it. And that isn't because of her small obsession with nudity. I've always said there are two sides to her emotional nature. She may overreact to the small stuff. But she feels on a huge level. She is also my superstar in training. She seriously wants to be a singer when she grows up. And she does have an awesome singing ability. Fortunately she goes to a great school for the arts where she is only adding to her talent. Right now her biggest interests are Singing, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift (noticing a pattern yet??), the Wii, her friends, texting and yelling at me. But I am a firm believer that children cause gray hair. After all, I didn't have them prior to her.

Next we have Grumpy. Grumpy is the lone male figure in the house. And boy is he ~~outnumbered~~ lucky. Not only does he have all women, but we are all bitches ~~most of the time~~ on occasion. But Grumpy has given me my fair share of gray hairs over the years. The small stuff like the mess made when cooking. I mean really? Do we seriously need hamburger grease on the ceiling?

The only one allowed to have her real name (and only because I'm not creative enough to come up with something for her) is Sophie. Sophie is the ultimate of spoiled lap dog. And it's not the Queen Bee spoiling her. Overall she's quiet. Except when my friend visits. And technically she hasn't given me much grief. But since she's spoiled rotten, and well since she lives here, she made the list.

Now there are others that help add to the gray hairs on a regular basis. This doesn't mean I don't love them. Just that they give me grief through the days. I am sure you will get to know them along our trip. But since they aren't permanent residents, they aren't included here.

See, who says school doesn't pay off. I'm not aging. I have been forced to go gray.

Meet the Queen...

2009-12-28T22:34:00.000-05:00

I can write about anything and it just flows. Until now. Talking about myself is not my forte. But its a necessary evil. Kind of like child birth. Painful, but the kind of pain you ~~remember forever and still need drugs to numb~~ forget. I think I hate it so much because it reminds me of just how ~~old and boring~~ mature I've gotten over the years. Everyone misses the fun of their youth. Occasionally with the help of Captain Morgans I relive it.

I'm a 30 something woman who resides in a typical small town in the midwest. I'm the mom to an amazing, yet volatile, preteen girl. I have a part chihuahua part ~~bitch~~ yorkie. Needless to say, I have more gray hair than I'd like. Which WILL be eliminated soon. My hair is generally in a ponytail. And my clothing hasn't been updated in years. We just recently became homeowners of a quaint little fixer upper mobile home. I'm just now rediscovering friendships that don't revolve around children, hobbies that don't revolve around children, and looking like something other than what the dog left in the yard before she dashed back inside.

I cuss more than I should. I enjoy a drink ~~not nearly often enough~~ on occasion. I have my own multiple personalities that occasionally visit several times a day. I'm bluntly honest with my daughter but have to remind her that some things we don't share at school. And I absolutely hate stupid people. Yet they seem to find me at every corner.

To wrap up an accurate description of me, I'm going to show my roots. And no not the gray ones. I mean the southern ones. These two sayings accurately describe me at this point in my life:

1. If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy

2. I'm much too young to feel this damn old

Going gray is not an option...

2009-12-28T21:50:00.000-05:00

When I was a girl, I dreamed of when I was an adult. I was going to have 4 kids, a ~~rich~~ happy husband, a house with a white picket fence and I was going to bake cookies every day after school.

Instead I had one little girl with 12 personalities and a dog. My house turned into a mobile home with a covered front porch and anyone who has tasted my cookies knows that is a goal better left unaccomplished.

It didn't matter. I devoted my life to that little girl. I spent all my time with her and her friends. I became her Girl Scout leader. I volunteered at school all the time. We always had multiple children at our house. I learned how to bead hair and that I suck at Scene It- Disney Channel version. She was proud to tell the whole world I was her best friend.

Then one day my sweet little sunshine was replaced by an alien. She became...a PRETEEN. Not only do they not need me as much at school, she prefers I skip it altogether. We still have children around but they no longer want me to bead their hair and lose at games. They prefer makeovers and singing sans parent. While deep down I may still be her best friend, in public I'm her aunt.

I woke up one day and realized that I had built my life around this child and I no longer had much of an identity. If I'm not *Brat's mom, then who am I? What are my hobbies? What do I do for me? What would I LIKE to do for me? And most importantly, where the hell did all this gray hair come from??

So that's where we are today folks. I am starting on a journey. I am going from being Mom, to being ME. The fun part will be finding out who that is.

So what is this blog? This is my journey. You will see me explore changing my hair, my style, my life. You will join me as I explore hobbies and home remodeling. You will probably hear those awful stories about how annoying everyone else is. Hopefully you will find humor. And hopefully you will find inspiration to start your own journey. Whether your kids went to school, to that alien planet of teenage years or to college....we can share in the misery together. First stop-- HAIR DYE.

*Brat is not meant offensive....It's a term of endearment. Real names are not used to protect the ~~crazy~~ innocent.