My New Rules for Facebook

What the hell? The queen is posting? Something serious must have happened! After all, she hasn't posted in what amounts to centuries in the blogosphere.

Sorry folks. Life is taking its toll. I've had a lot to say, but I am always too tired to say it. So hey its 4:19 am and I am sitting here stewing over some recent developments...so I figure why not. Let's just get this out there.

There should be a completely new set of rules on Facebook. And they should work to make my own life simpler. And those who need to read them, should read them and go...ohhhhhh so that's how it's supposed to be. Some of it is DUH common sense kinda stuff. The rest, well let's just say recent events have led to this.

Here are my new and improved Facebook rules.

1. Let's just say this bluntly....If it's posted on Facebook it's fair game. Period. If you don't want opinions then don't post the shit. It's that simple. Because when you blast your comment as a status for all 3,456 of your closest friends to read you are in effect asking someone to comment. That is why Facebook has the comment feature. If you reply to my status, you are GUARANTEED a comment. Therefore, if you do not want to have to discuss the shit you have to say, keep it off of Facebook. Plain and simple.

2. If what you want is everyone to agree with you, join a cult, not Facebook. Chances are every friend on your list is not going to agree with what you have to say. This doesn't mean they do not like you. It means that they disagree with you. Most adults can do this maturely. If you cannot, turn off the computer and learn some basic social skills. If you do not want differing opinions and you are not among maybe 5 people on my friends list....go ahead and delete me.

3. If you are ignorant and spout of hatred, do not get pissy when people disagree or call you out on it. Drop the drama, stop acting like a victim and deal with it. You want to look like a jackass, then bend over and take it like a man.

4. If you do not want random people to judge what you say and do, and what you say and do could be considered controversial, don't post the shit on Facebook. Stop whining when someone you've never met spreads rumors about your life if you are going to write a damn novel and tell the world every messed up decision you have ever made. Keep some things to yourself. Otherwise, see jackass comment in number 3.

5. If everyone you meet stops liking you, you are likely not the victim. Get over yourself and learn how to be a grown up. There is no way that every single person on the planet could be bad and you are the sole caring individual on my friends list.

6. If you have something to say....go ahead and say it. Don't post vague messages meant to entice people to ask you what is wrong or what is good. The last time I checked only a handful people on my friends list were of the 12 and 13 age group. As an adult, you can easily say what the hell you have on your mind. If you expect me to beg for information, you are going to be disappointed.

7. Holy crow please read those silly "post this if you truly care" forwards before you post them. First off, I am RARELY going to post them. If that makes you think I don't care, then you truly do not know me. Most of them are stupid. They mean nothing. They are annoying. They clutter up my news feed and I read them 235 times in a day. Why repost? My friends have already read them a hundred times. But most importantly, please make sure that posting them doesn't make you look like a hypocrite. If you are judgmental asshole, don't post something about caring about others. If you are unemployed, don't post something about what your taxes are supporting. You look stupid. Pass it up. Ignore it. And if you post it, refer to number one.

8. For the love of all that is holy please quit posting about the troops and Casey Anthony. Both are being shoved down my throat to the point of my complete and total irritation. I am all about supporting the troops. If your spouse is in the military and you want to post....you are entitled and I don't begrudge you. If, however, you would rather eat a sweaty sock for dinner than get off your ass and get a job much less walk in a war burdened with hundreds of pounds of equipment, then please do not bitch at me for complaining when its 105 degrees because I'm not suffering the life of a soldier. And Casey is a bitch. Probably deserves to be in jail. But it's over. No matter how many porch lights you turn on or cute little trains you post, Caylee will not come back. Let it go man.

9. If you want to post information about religion, politics, human rights etc....even if it is blatantly obvious that you are choosing a side....at least make it factual...do not post propaganda that you heard from some nutcase in an attempt to make you look smart. Because there are ways to check facts. And I will. And then number one comes into play. And possibly number 2.

10. Limit the prayer requests. I am all about giving prayers and good thoughts when they are warranted. This doesn't include stubbing your toe or the smart ass you work with. If every other post is a prayer request, I tend to pass them by. I might miss an important one.

11. Don't make yourself look like a hoochie online. Especially if you have kids. For the love of God please put some clothes on. And do not pucker your lips. You look like a fool. I'd die of embarrassment if you were my mother.

12. Seventy-five percent of what I say is bullshit. I joke with everyone. Not just you. I am sarcastic. I am blunt. I am opinionated when needed. I look at Facebook as tool for connecting and having fun with friends and family. If you don't like what I say...tough cookies. I'm going to do me and I am going to do me well. Get over yourself and have a little fun.

Sticks and Stones Will Break My Bones...

but words will never hurt me...

Whoever coined that phrase was full of shit. Pardon my french. The reality is that words, when spoken by specific people, have the power to truly cause emotion. They can lift a person up and make them smile. They can pull them down and cause them pain. It's very obvious that the phrase was created before the mass effect of Facebook and the ability to read what people truly feel and believe.

Yes I have a reason for feeling this way today. And yes I am going to share it. Because I think that anyone who reads this....both of you....might gather something from understanding the true power of the words you use.

I've shared before that Brat has Asperger's Syndrome. If you don't know much about that, well that is not uncommon. It is a form of Autism, but unlike some forms it is considered high functioning. In other words, it doesn't cause the marked delays that one might see in a child with more severe Autism.

The fact is many people do not understand Autism and those that know a little about it do not understand the many forms of Autism that are on the spectrum. April is Autism Awareness Month and for me this is a time when you help bring that awareness. It's a time to open the eyes of the world to what makes my child different. What makes her who she is. A time to understand that she is not some freak that deserves to be ostracized because she is unique.

I love my daughter the way she is. I will shout that from the rooftops. There are many things about her personality that are brought on from having Autism. And yes I love those things. I should NOT have to be ashamed of that.

That does NOT mean that we have not struggled. Just because she is high functioning does not mean I have not faced the battles other moms have faced. Some of them are the same. Some are different. Even now as a preteen we face battles EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And at least twice a week she cries and wishes she did not have Autism. I should not have to sit and give proof that yes we struggle. But for the sake of this post I will. Here are just a few things we have struggled with over the years thanks to Autism.

1. She didn't speak to ANYONE except me until she was 8 years old
2. She couldn't stand loud noises as a child even toilets flushing, so going to a public bathroom required two people. One to take her outside after she was finished so the other could flush.
3. Overstimulation would cause her to melt down. THis often resulted in throwing herself into the floor and screaming wherever we were at and she would have to physically be carried out.
4. She would often run when frustrated and this included into streets. She ALWAYS had to have her hand held and you had to be cautious not to upset her.
5. She would bang her head repeatedly on the ground, even concrete, when upset.
6. She pulled her hair out by clumps
7. She couldn't tolerate some clothes and she screamed when her hair was brushed
8. As she got older she lagged behind socially
9. She lacks empathy and the ability to understand how to say the right thing...instead she blurts out whatever is on her mind and this often leads to upsetting people.
10. She has a very hard time maintaining any social relationships.
11. Personal hygiene is a DAILY struggle.
12. She is ostracized and picked on a lot and she doesn't understand that it is happening.

These are only a few of the struggles we have or are facing with Brat. All of these are the result of Autism. So YES. I have faced many of the same issues that others have faced. And every day is still a struggle. Even as a 'high functioning' person she faces a world that is foreign to many.

Just because I treasure my daughter and love her quirkiness, does not mean I am celebrating Autism. Just because I do not spend my life taking on battles that I do not have the time or energy to take on does not mean I am somehow making light of those who have done so. Yes I have raised Brat to believe that this is something she has and that it does not define her. She can be anyone she wants to be. I will not apologize for believing that. I will not apologize for raising her to believe that. Would it be better if I raised her to believe that she were doomed for life because of this? That her dreams could never come true? That she would somehow always be less than?

I am tired of being made to feel like I am less than because I don't subscribe to the doom and gloom theory. That does not mean I celebrate being Autistic. It does not mean that I would choose this for Brat. It does not mean that I wouldn't take her struggles away if I could. I HATE what she goes through.

But the fact is, there is no way to take it away from her. So I'd rather she accept it, own it and love herself in spite of it. I'd rather she believe in the ability to chase her dreams than feel like she were doomed to a life of misery. And I'm tired of people acting like I am somehow not a good mom for feeling that way. Or like I only feel that way because my daughter is high functioning and so I just don't understand.

Autism Awareness Month is a time to make people aware of this disorder. A time to show them what it is. A time, in my mind, to show them how to treat those who have it.

Apparently even those who are aware could stand to learn a little bit of that. Because as the saying goes, one thing you cannot take back is the word after it has been said.

The Queen is Going Postal

Welcome one and all. You are about to witness something that happens far to often in reality but only occasionally here on this lovely blog that I tend to ignore. The Queen Bee is about to go postal. You see there are a few topics that I feel the distinct need to rant and rave about. And since Grumpy is tired of hearing it, you shall have the pleasure.

These topics are just current things that are under my skin. If you don't care....you might want to stop reading.

1) I do not need to cure my daughter. I do not want to make her better. Yes I'd like it if she didn't have to struggle so much. But do you know why she struggles so much? Because people are ignorant. Kids are ignorant. Yes they are. But they are ignorant because their parents allow it. Because their parents are ignorant. Because they do not teach them about accepting all of the people in society, even those that are different. Yes I'm aware that my daughter is high functioning. That means she does not have some of the same issues those who are not have. And for that I understand that some parents DO want to cure their kids. They do want to make them better. I'm not saying they are wrong. Just that I am not one of them. So I would be happy if people would stop assuming that I want to change who my daughter is. The only thing I want to cure is the ignorance that surrounds mental health and autism. The ignorance that makes people think it is something she should be ashamed of. Stop posting all these statuses about how kids only want to be accepted and start actually accepting them. What you post on Facebook as a copy and paste doesn't mean shit if you continually treat my daughter like she has the plague.

2) There is absolutely NOTHING funny about mental health problems or a mental health breakdown. If one more person say WINNING I think I'm going to thrown my computer out the window and that would be bad because I need it to work. You see everyone wants to crack jokes about Charlie Sheen. However, he tested negative for drugs. But in order to believe you are somehow right and in order to realistically spout off things about being a warlock and stuff in the shape he's in one of two things is occurring. He's either high, or he's lost his marbles. Literally lost them. He exhibits all the signs of a mental health disorder. He exhibits all the signs of a mental health breakdown. That, my friends, is not funny. Unless you have lived with someone (or yourself) with mental health problems you have no clue how much they can affect your life. And you have no clue how devastating they can be. And it does not matter how many millions he has. He can't seek treatment if he doesn't realize there is a problem. HE BELIEVES HE IS RIGHT! Classic mental health disorder. NOT FUNNY. It's laughing at shit like this that creates a stigma around mental health issues and makes it hard for people who have them to function in society as a normal person. So stop the damn jokes already. Stop wishing him dead. He's a human being. He deserves to live. He deserves for someone to care enough to help him. Most of all he deserves the respect to not be made fun of for something he has no control of. And no, I'm not a Charlie Sheen fan. I am, however, a proponent of treating those with mental health problems like regular human beings.

3) The world is going to hell and I blame the republicans. Yes I do. Look at what they did in Wisconsin. I mean who really cares what those pesky people that voted you into office want. Really? They are nobody. And now here there is crap going on. And in more states. I mean suddenly voting doesn't mean shit. Except maybe when we get the chance to vote and get these jackasses out of office. Until then, it does not matter what we want. It does not matter how many people fight it. It doesn't matter what is right or wrong. Republicans are sending us to hell and it started in Wisconsin. Thanks a lot Grumpy and your land of cheese.

And there you have it. The three things on my nerves this week. And they result from the same thing. Ignorance. I wish I could close my eyes and have all ignorance erased from the world. Just for one day. So for one day I wouldn't have to bite my tongue and sit on my hands to keep from pissing people off.

Random thoughts....

It's that time again folks...random thoughts from inside the head of the Queen Bee. Brought to you by the fact that I have absolutely no flipping idea what I should post but I do know that I should post something.

As always sit back and enjoy the craziness that is a part of my brain.

* It is completely wrong that when you look at flower delivery sites the price of the flowers goes double when you want it delivered on Valentine's Day...

* Fear what could be lurking in the corner behind the microwave oven

* snow is overrated. Especially when there is 3 to 4 feet of it in your yard

* Autism isn't a death sentence. It means life will be different. It doesn't mean you have to be terrified or ashamed of it.

* If a vegetable tastes like black licorice, you should tell someone that before they take a big bite of it. Some people despise black licorice.

* Be careful what you say. The person who hears you may be the person you least meant to hurt.

* Nothing is cooler than a teen heartthrob who gets made fun of in the media participating in a commercial where he makes fun of himself. Hilarious!

* It really sucked this year living in the house with a football fan from Wisconsin

* You might be surprised what you can learn if you take the time to ask

* Choosing to work with someone in a professional manner that has the same problems your daughter has could make work quite interesting...

* It truly is possible to write 30 articles a day

* Most preteens act like jackasses and their parents dont seem to care

* I still have not succumbed to the Farmville, Cityville, Frontierville obsession.

There you have it folks.

Have a great week!

The queen of the diagnosis...

Advance warning: this post will probably not be filled with the same humor and lightheartedness of my usual ramblings. It's been a serious kind of week and I'm really just frazzled by it. You have been warned.

Brat is a strong kid. And I don't mean in the she can pick you up and toss you across the room sense of strength. Although I'd put my money on her if there was a true battle going on. She's a tough cookie.

No her strength is an internal strength that most kids do not have to deal with and many days I wish she didn't. But she rocks it like nobody's business.

It all began when she was little but it didn't come to light until she started school. That was when we got the first diagnosis. My child that talked to me nonstop apparently did not talk to anyone else. Having been mostly at home, we never really noticed anything beyond the fact she was shy. Oh there were other issues, but that's not what I'm getting at here. So with some therapy and stuff we heard the words severe and anxiety disorder and selective mutism.

Following that came the first round of medications. We saw some slight improvements but then some of her other problems became more pronounced. The therapist suspected ADHD, but I was adamant that she didn't suffer from this. Nonetheless I allowed a test run on Adderall and my life went to hell really fast for a week or so.

It was after this botched medication experiment that the words bipolar disorder became a regular part of our vocabulary. I would later be officially diagnosed the same, but this story isn't about me.

Now we added new meds and we really started seeing some changes. In second grade, Brat stood in front of the class and spoke for the very first time. I happened to walk in the school as her voice boomed from the loudspeaker while she made the morning announcements. Parent volunteers hugged me and cried. No one could believe they had heard her voice.

I should back up and say that in the beginning the therapist pointed out that Brat showed some autistic signs. however she was very social and quite intelligent at her age and those went against the traditional autistic signs. Generally autistic kids that do not speak are not prone to be in the center of a group of friends.

Back to the story. As life went on, Brat's meds went through changes and so did she. As she got older her differences from the other kids became more pronounced. She was far behind. Could this be from not speaking? We were unsure. We continued with the meds that were working and strived to help her.

She had to move schools due to becoming the kid that everyone picked on. She thrived at the new school for a couple of years and all was well. Then her differences kicked her hiney again. She wasn't picked on, but she was ignored. She was alone. She was struggling.

I ended up pulling her out to homeschool her due to lack of cooperation with the school and in the process she also underwent testing.

It was then, not too long ago, Brat received another diagnosis. She suffered from Asperger's Syndrome-- a high functioning form of autism. So now our work was in a different form.

Through all of this Brat has managed to take it well. The kids mostly just ignore her if they don't 'get it'. She has a few that tend to make her life hell. But she is pretty good at defending herself and ignoring them. Unfortunately the adults are not as easy.

Several have told her things like "kids don't get bipolar disorder". Some have eliminated contact with us due to behaviors she has had. It's just been hard on her. But she rocked being unique. She embraces her differences and wants to make a difference in the lives of others.

Sadly this past week Brat received yet another diagnosis. During a routine appointment to discuss a completely different matter, she was diagnosed with a pretty severe case of scoliosis of the spine. She has xrays this week and begins physical therapy on tuesday.

No kid can just keep taking it and never have a problem. She's had a hard time accepting that yet another thing is "wrong" with her. She went through a couple of really depressed days.

Yes she's the queen of the diagnosis, but when do we get a break? When does she get to go to a dr and they simply say all is well we will see you in a few months?

She's 12. And in her 12 years she has had to endure more stress, trouble, heartache and judgment than most adults I know.

I'm writing this because I want to take a minute to just say Damn,....this sucks. because it does. But also to give props to the girl who has faced so much and still finds the time to do amazing things. She wrote a new song this week. It's really good and I'm so proud of her.

She doesn't understand why she had to be the one to get bipolar and anxiety and autism and now scoliosis. But she knows she's strong enough to handle it. And she knows that she will be strong enough for whatever she has to face next.

It's Alive....

Or better yet...it's LIVE!

I've officially got a website. My very own. It is for my freelance writing business. I'd share it here, but would defeat the anonymity of this blog. If I go off on a marathon of words that could make a sailor blush here I don't want it to affect my business. But I'm psyched.

Now to bring in clients.

Oh how I want to make money at this.

I mean I am making money. But I can make more with my own site. At least that's the plan. So here's a big shout out to grumpy who is truly grumpy from having to work on my site today.

And here's to my new site. Which came complete with a blog. No worries. it won't replace what I never get around to posting here.

Life is good today!!

I laugh...I smile....I take drugs...

Believe me when I say the drugs make me able to laugh and smile. Or you could believe grumpy when he says I never laugh and smile. He's wrong though. I do. Just not at his lame jokes.

It's been a long week. Work has kept me busy. Life has kept me busier. Trying to determine how to juggle a full time job and homeschool is proving to be a cause for the necessity of stronger drugs. Preferably ones that add about 8 hours into my day.

Since this blog was created to outline the journey of becoming a person among the life of being a mom, I should add I've rediscovered something. I was fortunate last year when I stumbled upon the ability to become a freelance writer for an actual income. No more telling teenagers that sex causes babies for two cents a pop.

However, I had still yet to recall how much I truly love fiction writing and article writing for me. I'm exploring that now. So now I work all day and then in my free time I'm working on writing stuff for me. So in essence, I'm always working.

When my first bestselling novel hits the shelves it will all be worth it. Ha Ha.

In the meantime I'm working on a short story for a contest. If I win it will be published in a well known magazine. That would rock my socks.

Now if I can just get the doctor to prescribe more hours in the day.