Can a baby have a mid-life crisis?

In terms of age, this blog is a baby. It has barely been around a few weeks. In blog years, that is absolutely nothing. Yet I'm having a mid-life crisis. Part of it is caused by the fact that in the real world, I'm going through some mental crap. Part of it is just indecision.

I started this blog with an idea in my mind of what I wanted it to be. Then I got obsessively reading other blogs. Then I started doing carnivals and memes. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a follower like that. I do stuff just because everyone else is doing it. Yes if all my friends jumped off a cliff I'd probably do it too.

But in all this I somehow lost my train of thought. What I want to be. Where I want this blog to go. I know that I love mommy blogs. But I don't just want to be another mommy blog. I have a vision. But achieving that vision takes a little thought. And my brain is mush.

So bear with me. I'm coming to terms with which direction I want this blog to go in. In the meantime just be patient. My mid-life crisis won't include a 20 something man, a convertible and low rise jeans. I promise.

Writer's Workshop-- Man I Rock!

I saw this on another blog I read DAILY, Postcards From Insanity, and thought I'd really like to do this. It is a fun blog carnival/meme/workshop created and hosted by Mama Kat (another blog I always read). Well damn. You had to do nothing and you just got two AWESOME blog recommendations from me :)

Okay now on to the writer's workshop. We had to choose a question. I toyed with a couple but I decided to go with:
Describe what you would change about yourself if you could.

Well that is simple. Nothing. I ROCK. I mean I am the Queen of awesome. Just forget that my blog is all about change. I need to change nothing.

OK moments over. Let us move on.

Society has created an epidemic. No matter what age they are or how they look, act and feel-- if you show me a female I will show you someone who wants to change something about herself. We are never good enough. Our looks. Our actions. Our feelings. Our parenting. The fact we don't parent. We are always looking for ways to improve. How often do we see the men in our lives trying to change themselves? We are lucky when the men in our lives change clothes and put on clean ones. Seriously. Yet as women we all feel that we are lacking something. I mean I created an entire blog of how I want to change. I know so many women both online and off who are totally awesome. Yet they want to change things about themselves. I am no exception. I just think it's very sad that no woman I know can actually say I rock. I am awesome.

According to society, I should be considered lazy and slacking because my hair is showing gray. Because my house isn't spotless I am a bad housekeeper. I need to lose weight because I'm careless. When I make frozen stouffer's lasagna I'm a bad cook. I should crawl out of bed every day and put on heels and makeup. Mozy my way to the kitchen to make up pancakes and eggs. Get Brat up and dressed for school in only the highest quality clothes. Get her out the door, tidy up my already clean house. From there I should run my errands, pay the bills and get my hair done. When I'm done with that I should come home, clean again just because that's what I should do and begin my homemade recipe for dinner. After serving up my family a great meal I can do dishes, play with Brat, sew an outfit, bake some cookies and clean one more time. Then I can finally take my heels off and settle down for a few hours sleep.

If I don't do this according to the standards society has set, I am somehow slacking in my duties and life. My parenting is bad because instead of some structured activity with Brat, I choose to kick her butt at Mario Kart. I'm a lousy housekeeper because I chose to catch the latest Hannah Montana episode instead of vacuuming or washing dishes. Since I work from home, if I allow her to go play alone, then well I'm just not a good mother. I am not an attractive woman because I have extra weight on me or because my hair is turning gray. I need to be presentable. I need to take care of myself.

But what society doesn't take into account is that instead of spending 24/7 worrying about all the things I'm not doing, I am living. Did I make cookies at Christmas? Sure. Betty Crocker ones with Brat and her BFF. And to be honest, they made them. I supervised. But it was the best day! Is my house clean? Probably not. But between working and living...time runs out. Do I need to lose weight? of course. But do you know how many men need to lose a few pounds? Quite a few. But how many are actually trying?

I'm not saying we shouldn't always strive to be our best. I'm not saying we don't make mistakes. We all do. I make a ton. When my daughter said someone pushed her at school, her dad told her to shove them on their ass. Is that good parenting? Probably not the best choice of advice. But we love her. And she knows it.

So when faced with the question of what I'd like to change about myself...well the part of me that feels less than would answer everything. I'd love to work on every aspect of my life. To improve my looks, my weight, my health, my finances, my parenting, just everything.

But the part of me that knows while I let myself go just a tad, I've spent the past 11 years getting to know and enjoy the company of one of the most awesome girls on the planet....well she'd say nothing. I don't need to change a thing. I rock. I am awesome!

I'll take a double

There are days that drive me to drink. If of course I had any liquor in the house. Or any money to purchase any. I may have to learn how to make moonshine or something just for days like this. I mean really? What is up with the universe today.

I knew it was going to be a bad day when I realized at noon that I'd shut the clock off this morning. The problem with realizing that at noon is that you also realize that pesky child is still there. Oops. Sorry teacher. Didn't mean for her to miss school today. Trust me, in the mood she's been in, I REALLY didn't mean for her to be home ALL.DAY.LONG.

Damn it all.

Yes my lazy ass stayed in bed til noon. I blame the theraflu. Technically when I realized it at noon I said to hell with it and went back to sleep. So sue me. I've been sick and life has sucked and I just slept. A lot.

So I woke up later feeling like the useless piece of garbage we are all trained to feel like if we aren't perfect. I'm a failure...blah blah. Go tell Dr. Phil. I've got bigger fish to fry. Like the fact I've got to work and come up with the money I need to go to this torture festival overnight with Girl Scouts tomorrow.

Let's not even get into the work situation. I mean the company that is my main bread and butter right now is making some very wise business decisions. FOR THEM. The rest of us just get it without so much as a kiss. They want me to work for points. Yes I said that right. POINTS. And then these points are worth...hold your breath....7/10th of a penny each. So at the end of the month, they add it up and that's what you make. And then a month later they pay you. How fucking generous.

If I wanted to work for points, I could find something much much easier and better than this thankyouverymuch. But right now I still have the option to work for my small paycheck and I do. Or I try.

Brat was in a mood today. She did a no no on the rules list. So she lost her phone for the day. Damn if she didn't do it again. Girl gets her stubborn streak from Grumpy. I'd NEVER push it to the extreme like that if you believe that, I've got a job you can have where you work for points. So she lost phone AND computer for the day. Whatever will she do without access to facebook and Sims 2.

I go later to smoke, and I'll be damned if that girl had not drug her fold out foam chair/bed thingy outside. In the snow. And she was laying on it. In a tank top and pj bottoms. What the hell? According to her, she was now a hobo with no where to live and no one to love her. So my calm cool collected self did the only thing you can do in this situation.

GET YOUR DAMN BED INSIDE THE HOUSE BY THE COUNT OF 3!!!

My neighbors love me.

It worked though. She brought the bed in. And slammed the door. And all my lights went off. Well not all. Only the living room, Brat's bedroom and half of my bedroom. Out. Gone. TV. Computers. All of it. So Grumpy heads off to the breaker box to fix it. HA. Can't be fixed. Well it can. But it's going to take an electrician.

Seriously when the previous owner told me about the TLC this place needed, she left a LOT out.

So we have half power. Of course we got the computers back up and running. I mean I'm crazy but not THAT crazy.

Works For Me Wednesday! Backwards Edition

So you probably already know that We Are That Family hosts a weekly blog carnival called Works For Me Wednesday. Normally bloggers share tips on what works for them in some way or shape. But this week it's all twisted up.

Instead of giving you a tip-- we are asking for your tips. It's the backwards edition!

So in keeping with the idea of my blog, I'm going to ask for tips on developing a life, hobbies etc.

What works for you? Do you have a girls night out? Do you craft? Do you compulsively shop? What do you do that is a way to give yourself some much needed ME time?

Wordless Wednesday.... Rock On Dude

What I did for me Wednesday!

I spend so much time doing for everyone else. I decided as part of changing into my very own human person, I would start telling what I did for me this past week. And I want you to join in with me!! Blog about what you did for yourself and then link up here. Now remember, it has to be something you do for yourself. Not the kids. Not the husband. Not the dog. Just you!

I rarely do anything for myself. I don't spend money on myself. I don't even often make decisions on meals because I want them. I am so busy doing what everyone else wants, or buying what everyone else needs, I get lost in the shuffle. Isn't that the way it always is with moms?? I mean don't get me wrong, I LOVE doing for my family. But every now and then we need a little something too. So my list may be small, but its huge at the same time.

* I went to a New Year's small gathering at my friends. Seems like no biggie. But I went against "mom guilt" to go. You know, the "what am I going to do all alone for New Year's while you are there?" I stuck to what I wanted to do!

* I ordered myself not one but THREE new books from Amazon! Best of all? I used Swagbucks to do it!

* I took plenty of long hot showers. Really guys, I LOVE my shower head. Not not like that. Hush.

* I got my hair cut. Yes I had a gift certificate, but I MADE TIME to go do it.

* I made no bake cookies a couple times. I'm in this urge to take time and make homemade stuff and I did it.


That's my small list for the week. What did YOU do for YOU??

I have a dream....

No, really, I do. It is to have a blog that is humorous while also being helpful to moms who suddenly find themselves with a kid or kids that don't quite need them as much. Who suddenly have to "get a life". Those who suddenly need "hobbies" and "friends" that do not center around the kids who are growing up way too fast. Those of us driven to drink a new reality that is called adulthood.

So I've been thinking, what can I do to promote that among my blog? And I have an idea. Now it may flop like most some of my ideas. But I'm going to give it a go.

Beginning tomorrow I will start "I did it for me Wednesday". I will start by telling what I've done for myself over the past week. I will add a nifty little linky and you can blog about what you've done for yourself this past week.

It's a start to seeing how we can be people as well as mom. Especially when mom is told at Wal-Mart "Hey when we get inside, you are my aunt".

So be thinking of what little or big things you have done for yourself in the past week!