Showing posts with label Brat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brat. Show all posts

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Size really does matter!

It's been a long day. A really long day. I should have reserved my drinking relaxing for tonight. But the queen is broke and the closest thing to alcohol in this house is some fermented bread in the pantry.

As you all know by now, Brat "became a woman" today. That's her term. Though I don't think the blood curdling screams from the bathroom were exactly woman-like. Unless of course she has looked in the mirror and realized that not only is she gray, she has wrinkles!

But we made a super discovery tonight. Size does matter. Brat kept complaining of being sore. I couldn't think why in the world she was sore. Then it dawned on me. You see (and I go into the TMI category here) I have the world's worst menstrual cycle. Absolute.Worst.Out.There! So I use the heavy duty tampons. Kotex Super Plus. They are actually quite large when compared to the others.

So I sent grumpy out to the Wal-Mart to pick up a smaller tampon. Hoping this would make the whole situation less painful for me. And I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when he called home to compare whether he should get Tampax Pearl or Playtex Gentle Glide.

We opted for Tampax. And it worked much much better. Much less crying. For both of us! I actually compared what hers and mine looked like. WOW.

So far no complaints of being sore. Fingers crossed we may survive her newfound womanhood.

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Friday, January 1, 2010

Out with the old...in with the new...

2009 was a rough year around here. So many problems. So I was super excited to see it end. After all, 2010 has to be better, right? That was my motto last night. We were at Tigger's for a small New Year's Eve celebration. Her and Mater (husband), Me, Grumpy, 3 preteen girls and a boy. Oh how our ears bled with the screams as Justin Bieber took the stage. WOW.

So whenever anyone said Happy New Year, Tigger's response was "What is so happy about it??" And my standard reply was "It's not 2009. 2009 is OVER"

So I came home slightly buzzedrelaxed. Played online just a bit and headed for bed. It was a good night. And when I woke up it was a whole new not just year but DECADE. A big chance to improve. I didn't set the clock with the mindset I'd wake up when I wanted to. I should have known that was too much to hope for.

So today Brat leans down beside me. "Mom? Mom?"

"huh?" I tried to appear coherent.

"Mom, I started my period"

Back up! WHAT????? You did WHAT????

Yep folks. That's right. In with the NEW. And you would have to KNOW Brat to know how absolutely AWFUL this was. Talk about over emotional!! So of course I got up. We had the talk about pads vs tampons. But to be honest there is NO WAY Brat could use pads. NO WAY! She's not concerned enough with things like that. It would be a disaster at school. So in our talk we opted for tampons.

Luckily I had a few.

What did I get myself into??? The first time took a total of an hour to complete. She was a wreck. Lots of tears were shed. And she cried too. Yelling. Screaming. Cursing. And she asked me the age old question every woman wants to know that time of the month.

Why don't boys have to go through this??

Simple answer. They can't handle it. I mean Brat is difficult enough. I can't imagine Grumpy on the rag. He'd be curled up in the fetal position on the bed with tears in his eyes repeating "When will it end???" and rocking back and forth. I mean he gets a head cold and the world must stop. Imagining him with cramps, mood swings and having to use tampons makes me laugh.

Tigger's respone?

"Well you are the one who said 2010 would be so great. That'll teach ya to think"

Sooo how did you celebrate your New Year's Day??? Was it as eventful as mine?


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Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Wordless Wednesday... scary stuff





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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Random Comments from Brat...

Every now and then we have a comment said by Brat that can not go unnoticed. While many are completely out there and totally inappropriate....they send us into fits of laughter. So I will start documenting those comments as they happen. For this post I'm going to add the two funniest comments from this week....

"My friend said Santa wasn't real. He was just your parents. But I told her it couldn't be my parents because my parents are poor"

"What are balls? Nevermind I'll google it"


Yes folks. I'm raising a girl that will google balls to find out what they are. Now I must say in my defense I didn't let her google. But then that brought on the whole well what are testicles questions. Oy.

Such a potty mouth. Must have been all those Bratz dolls she played with.



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Monday, December 28, 2009

The causes revealed....

Way back many moons ago I was not paying attention in science class. And somewhere in that damn class they taught us about cause and effect. As in every thing must have a cause. So it stands to reason that there is a cause for each of these gray hairs on my head. Right?? Am I way off base here?

Well as bad as I am at talking about myself, I am equally as good at blaming others for my misfortune. So rather than a sappy meet my family post. This will be a look at the reasons I'm looking old.

But before I start let's get the disclaimer out of the way. Obviously I'm not using real names. This is because I will share many embarrasing honest facts of our lives. So to protect the insane innocent, I've given us all nicknames. And before you start bitching, no names are meant or taken offensively. They are my terms of endearment.

Now on to the causes of all my frustration and gray hairs.

First there is Brat. She is a good kid for the most part. When she isn't taken over by those raging adolescent hormones and mood swings. Now Brat has some flaws. Mainly her multiple personalities. As all children do. And sometimes I rant about those. So I'm sure you will see your share of that. But she also has some wonderful qualities. She is one of the most loving and giving children. She would take the shirt off her back and give it to a stranger if they needed it. And that isn't because of her small obsession with nudity. I've always said there are two sides to her emotional nature. She may overreact to the small stuff. But she feels on a huge level. She is also my superstar in training. She seriously wants to be a singer when she grows up. And she does have an awesome singing ability. Fortunately she goes to a great school for the arts where she is only adding to her talent. Right now her biggest interests are Singing, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift (noticing a pattern yet??), the Wii, her friends, texting and yelling at me. But I am a firm believer that children cause gray hair. After all, I didn't have them prior to her.

Next we have Grumpy. Grumpy is the lone male figure in the house. And boy is he outnumbered lucky. Not only does he have all women, but we are all bitches most of the time on occasion. But Grumpy has given me my fair share of gray hairs over the years. The small stuff like the mess made when cooking. I mean really? Do we seriously need hamburger grease on the ceiling?

The only one allowed to have her real name (and only because I'm not creative enough to come up with something for her) is Sophie. Sophie is the ultimate of spoiled lap dog. And it's not the Queen Bee spoiling her. Overall she's quiet. Except when my friend visits. And technically she hasn't given me much grief. But since she's spoiled rotten, and well since she lives here, she made the list.

Now there are others that help add to the gray hairs on a regular basis. This doesn't mean I don't love them. Just that they give me grief through the days. I am sure you will get to know them along our trip. But since they aren't permanent residents, they aren't included here.

See, who says school doesn't pay off. I'm not aging. I have been forced to go gray.

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