Because I want to guarantee my daughter a life of therapy...

Grumpy is convinced he's on candid camera. Or some secret show where people watch him all day and laugh. Kind of like the cruel and mean version of The Truman Show. He's pretty sure that I ask him to do things just so this fictitious audience can have their laughs for the day. Really it's not a bad idea. Aside from watching hours of him flying pretend planes complete with sound effects, an audience would quite enjoy a day in the life of Grumpy.

But I can't put him on camera. I am pretty sure that if our daily lives were recorded we'd be charged with "causing the insanity of a minor" or something like that. Someone would come to our house. They would see that we really do sort of torture our child in that "We are your parents and we don't care how awful we are" kind of way. She is bound to need years of therapy just to get past her pubescent years.

I was joking the other day about what I would say if I made a list of common phrases heard in our house. It made me realize that maybe we aren't normal. Not that being normal is all its cracked up to be. But still...maybe we could be a little less ...crazy?

Poor Brat. She has to spend at least a small portion of her day trying to convince her dad that she is not a lesbian. It never seems to work for her. In reality it's just funny to see her repeat it over and over. Don't look at me like that. What good are the preteen and teen years if we can't have a little fun.

But it did dawn on me that there are a lot of people in my life I might not want to show up at the house unexpectedly. They might not quite understand our humor. Some may think we were horrible for joking about homosexuality with our 11 year old daughter. To them I would have to say...suck it. Even she giggles about it.

Don't think it's one sided. Brat calls Grumpy a girl all the time. It's just not as funny because he doesn't defend himself. Besides we all know he's a bit feminine.