Friday, December 3, 2010

The Christmas Card we selected from Shutterfly!

Joy And Happiness Christmas 5x7 folded card
Make a statement with custom Christmas cards at Shutterfly.
View the entire collection of cards.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Shutterfly's Christmas Cards Rock My Socks...Seriously...

I admit it, I have been slack about Christmas cards for like...ever. So I decided this year I was going to do Christmas cards. I had the image in my head. I would have Brat in front of the tree in a Santa hat. I went so far as to buy her a scarf/top set I saw for the photo. I was SERIOUS that this Christmas card would happen.

Along with a photo of Brat, I planned to take individual photos of each of the 3 animals in a Santa hat. I actually purchased a santa hat for the animals. This card was in the works.

Have you ever tried to keep a Santa hat on a chihuahua, yorkie and a cat?? It was a quick photo session. Sophie was resigned to suffer.

Peanut was eager to be done.

Sebastian wondered why he had anything on his head at all.

Cute huh?

The vision in my head was all four of them individually and then the words Ho Ho Ho. Surely I could find that. Sadly, in my search I have discovered that it is truly hard to find cards that accommodate four photos. They have 3, 5, 6, even 8. But 4 seems to be an odd number.

This isn't true with Shutterfly's Christmas Photo Cards. Searching through their site I found numerous cards that were made for four photos. I spent hours playing with each one trying to decide which one I liked best.

I will say that they did have a Ho Ho Ho card. It was, however, for 3 photos. So I either had to get rid of an animal or move on. That's okay because I found several that I liked. I think I have decided on the Joy and Happiness 5X7 Folded Card. I like the simple message. It doesn't include from the *** family which always sounds so not like me. It wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and brings about what I wish for them. Joy and Happiness. Best of all, it is a folded card so I can write inside it. Perfect when your loved ones live 900 miles away!

My favorite part is that Shutterfly is actually less expensive than most everywhere I checked. I mean I could get a set from the drug store but the designs were not the same high quality and I didn't just love them. For a nice card that I'm proud to send out, the prices are very good.

Being me, I had to browse the rest of their site. Because of course I had heard about them but had never really surfed the site. I realized I've been missing a lot.

I am actually consider having one of their personal photo calendars made as gifts for Christmas. I know several who would love them and I have a lot of pictures.

I might pick out a notepad or two for myself. I love notepads and use them often.

So I highly recommend you browsing the Shutterfly site. It is filled with many gift ideas and loads of holiday cards to choose from!


Sunday, September 26, 2010

Where's Waldo....

Sometimes my life feels like those crazy Where's Waldo pictures. It's all chaos and I am looking for this one particular thing amid a frenzy of activity.

No I didn't die. No I didn't give up on my blog, although it may seem that way. No I didn't forget how to log in and post.

What I did do was follow a goal of mine forever. I took my love of writing and turned it into a job as a freelance writer. The good news is that I am doing something everyday that I am really good at and I make a bit more money than I made before doing something I was only semi good at. The good news is that I can officially say I am a writer.

The bad news is that I am nowhere near writing what I want to write. I write content for web pages, articles about products, articles for online publications, and who knows what else its for. I just write it, I don't ask questions. Often I'm given a set of words and told how long it needs to be and viola I come up with an entire page of information.

It isn't glamorous or exciting, but it is a step in the right direction. However it leaves me wiped out. So I've neglected anything considered fun. Well that's about to change. I've decided to incorporate real life into my life as well.

So watch out world, the Queen is back. And I will be as sarcastic and crazy as ever.


Friday, July 16, 2010

I changed your diapers without bitching and you will do the same for me...

I have a theory. I gave birth to Brat. I changed her diapers. I was spit up on. I was peed on. I was pooed on. I was thrown up on. I held her when she was scared. I made sure she didn't run into traffic. I made sure she was fed. I braved the unknown and baked cookies at Christmas with her. I took her to multitudes of appointments. I sat on the bleachers when she cheered. I was in the audience when she sang in the talent show. I was there. Taking care of her. I will continue to do so until she no longer needs it. Even past the point of her wanting me around.

Turnabout is fair play. When I'm old and I need diapers. When I need spongebaths and my ass wiped and someone to feed me...she damn well better be there. Period.

And she KNOWS this.

We have established that if she's a world famous singer she can hire someone to be home with me while she travels...but I digress..

So today we had duel doctor appointments. Meaning I scheduled Brat and myself back to back. Well there was this lady with her elderly father in the waiting room. He asked to go to the bathroom. She chewed him a new ass. Yelled at the top of her lungs how he didn't need to go. Told him he had just gone on their way there. Screamed that he was like a 'fucking two year old' and to find something to keep himself busy.


This is how you treat the parent who raised you?

I cringed every time her mouth opened. I seriously wanted to knock her down.

So I did what any good mother and homeschool parent would do. I used it as a learning opportunity. I looked at Brat and said:

"When I'm old and need you to help me, if you EVER treat me like that, I will either beat your ass or pay someone else to do it for me"

I think she got the message.


Friday, May 21, 2010

Because I want to guarantee my daughter a life of therapy...

Grumpy is convinced he's on candid camera. Or some secret show where people watch him all day and laugh. Kind of like the cruel and mean version of The Truman Show. He's pretty sure that I ask him to do things just so this fictitious audience can have their laughs for the day. Really it's not a bad idea. Aside from watching hours of him flying pretend planes complete with sound effects, an audience would quite enjoy a day in the life of Grumpy.

But I can't put him on camera. I am pretty sure that if our daily lives were recorded we'd be charged with "causing the insanity of a minor" or something like that. Someone would come to our house. They would see that we really do sort of torture our child in that "We are your parents and we don't care how awful we are" kind of way. She is bound to need years of therapy just to get past her pubescent years.

I was joking the other day about what I would say if I made a list of common phrases heard in our house. It made me realize that maybe we aren't normal. Not that being normal is all its cracked up to be. But still...maybe we could be a little less ...crazy?

Poor Brat. She has to spend at least a small portion of her day trying to convince her dad that she is not a lesbian. It never seems to work for her. In reality it's just funny to see her repeat it over and over. Don't look at me like that. What good are the preteen and teen years if we can't have a little fun.

But it did dawn on me that there are a lot of people in my life I might not want to show up at the house unexpectedly. They might not quite understand our humor. Some may think we were horrible for joking about homosexuality with our 11 year old daughter. To them I would have to say...suck it. Even she giggles about it.

Don't think it's one sided. Brat calls Grumpy a girl all the time. It's just not as funny because he doesn't defend himself. Besides we all know he's a bit feminine.


Sunday, May 16, 2010

Can I bum a cigarette.....

So I left off with Nikki on my adventures of the world wide webtv. Man I loved that thing. But what sucked was that I had one. For the whole house. One little webtv and keyboard. Granted Brat was a baby so she didn't need it. But me and Grumpy sharing? Let's put it this way....we don't have a table right now, but there are 3 computers in our house. We DO.NOT.SHARE.

So I ventured out of that newbie chat room for webtv and I discovered a whole new world. I tried going in the local room but man were there a bunch of jackasses there. So I kept exploring. Then late one night I found a nifty little room called Happily Married. What an oxymoron. Seriously.

This group was a crazy bunch of folks. But they were welcoming and friendly. I didn't know when I started there that there were 3 distinct groups. The late night group which is who I first met. The morning group. And the daytime group. Very few people crossed over. You were among one group.

Well my first interaction was the late night group. So that's where I stayed for the most part. I introduced Grumpy to it and he became as attached to this room as I did.

I did crossover though. I became one of "those people". I ventured into various hours of the day.

Looking back I wonder what attracted me to most of those people. They weren't exactly normal. Or sane. Which may be the answer to my question. For a time in my life, I felt I couldn't do without them. Funny to think about now as I talk to very few of them on any kind of basis.

But we had cyber weddings, truth or dare, cybering...though that was part of truth or dare most times....a newsletter that grumpy started and I took over and redid and then it fizzled. I mean it was a whole life that existed in this little black box.

But nothing will ever make me forget that one day. I was out of cigarettes and money wasn't there for more. I was needing one bad. And I was chatting about it. And how bad I needed a cigarette. When this newbie that I didn't even know offered me a cyber cigarette. Well hell if it worked for weddings and divorces why the hell wouldn't it work for smoking. So we started talking.

That was 10 years ago. My daughters whole life time almost. And she is STILL my best friend. We talk daily. We know everything about each other. We've been through separations, divorces, babies, jobs, lack of jobs, good stuff, bad stuff. We've never met. Though I swear we will someday. But if I thought Nikki was a friend....Well that was NOTHING compared to this.

No matter how many times we've moved, no matter who was or wasn't in our never changed anything. When I lived at my grandmas, we sat up all night on the phone thanks to five dollar calling cards and watched CMT. When I travelled back and forth....we talked the whole way. She's the sole reason I got a headset for my cell phone. When Brat was diagnosed Bipolar it was her that I went to. No matter what it is...I know I can talk to her. Just ask her. Just the other night we discussed the inside of a vagina. Please don't ask.

I'm going to copy and paste what she said when we were discussing this very thing. It says it way better than I ever could.

"imagine, we always have someone somewhere, who weve never even met, but we always worry about one another and keep in touch no matter how crazy life is, through a billion moves and life changes weve been there for eachother, even without ever having met face to face....without the internet, neither of us would be who we are, and a lot of it was because of our friendship, as we walked eachother through the bad spots and rooted the other on through the good spots
in my entire life, Ive never had a friend thats lasted as long as you, and we can talk about anything, without shame or judgement"

That my friends is the truest friendship I've ever known.

And no matter what else happens in life. How we might lose touch for a while. We always find each other. And we always have 89. Aliens. And sooo much more.

Love ya Lynn!

I want your sex....

Remember the songs we grew up to? The stuff that was on the radio all the time. The videos we watched on MTV back when they actually showed videos. We had Madonna's Like a Virgin, George Michael's I want your sex, Samantha Fox with Touch Me and then for the really wild ones There was oooh me so horny.

So explain to me how a generation who embraced sexuality in our every day lives via music, grew up to raise kids who know so very little about their own bodies?? And how did we become so uptight about things that we view a little girl in a halter top or bikini as being "sexual".

I have mentioned before I answer questions by teens. I am serious people, our kids do not know ANYTHING about the good OR bad of sex. They don't know how to avoid being pregnant. They don't know that a kiss or a grope doesn't mean he loves them. They don't know ANYTHING. And its our fault.

And now we are punishing the little kids. Little girls. Innocent. Wouldn't know what provacative means. They can't dance or wear clothes that reveal skin. I'm surprised we don't reinstate the full body swimsuits of the olden days.

Ya see recently a few things have come to my attention. People are quick to make generalizations. I've seen kids who were doing an innocent yet time consuming activity referred to as provocative and sexual. I've seen people say that their parents should lose them. What were they doing you ask? They were dancing. They were also 7. They had no clue how adults perceived their dance moves. And *gasp* their belly buttons were showing.


This is why I have to inform teenagers every day that yes if you stand upside down in the bathtub but didn't use a condom you can still get pregnant.

But that's not what I fear most. I realize these kids are in danger of STD's and early pregnancies. That's a given. But that's not my biggest fear. Because at least I know they will eventually learn that stuff.

What I'm scared of is that we are raising a bunch of kids who are going to be afraid of their own sexuality. Ashamed of their bodies. Remember our parents? Grandparents? How they wouldn't even kiss or hug in front of us? Do we want that life for our kids? Yes there are limits. And it's on us to set them. But make them fair. Don't ruin the lives of these pure innocent kids.

Because self esteem and love of oneself and ones body....those things can not be replaced. And it takes years of therapy to repair them. Trust me, I know.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

To DO: Quit making so many lists

I am addicted to lists. Everything I do/plan has to be written out in list form. And I never run out of lists. I'm amazed that I don't organize my sex life into a to do list. It is just a small part of what makes me anal. When we were spring cleaning I had a very detailed list. Each night I'd cross off what we completed and completely rewrite the list for the next day.

It drives grumpy insane.

With homeschooling I've found it comes in handy to be a little obsessive compulsive. It makes my days go smoother when I have a list of assignments for the week already written.

I even make lists when I send Grumpy to the store. Which is like...all the time. That way he can't say he didn't remember something. Although he still does. But now I can come back with "BUt I made a list"

But how do you know when your list making is crossing a line? When it's mother's day and you set your daughter free in the dollar store with cash. And you open your gift and find 2 notepads, 4 pens and a preprinted to-do list.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my gift. Grumpy does not. He sees it as more torture as I plan the daily events of our life.

Poor Grumpy. Brat has started it as well. She's planning a sleepover. She has a notebook with guest list, food lists, game lists, movie lists, lists of what songs to play and on and on. She tells us daily how she's too busy for something because she only has 2 weeks to plan her party.

Grumpy is set for a life of misery. Pretty soon he will have a bathroom schedule.


Friday, May 7, 2010

The tried and true fitness plan

It's hard to believe as I write this that its been almost 10 years since I discovered the internet...10 years...almost my daughter's entire lifetime. And here I sit...hooked as always.

It was a summer day in Wisconsin when I first ventured online. I was of the poor variety, so my first taste test was on a webtv. For those who do not know what that is....feel lucky. It hooks up to your tv and phone line. You pay a monthly fee and you get internet access. Not full fledged computer access. Pages had to webtv friendly. And you could not download anything. There was no hard drive. But oh how I loved that webtv.

I ventured into a webtv for beginners chat room and that started what would ultimately change my life.

In that chat room I met Nikki. I'm using her real name because if for some reason she ever found this blog, I'd love to hear from her.

Nikki was purely awesome. We clicked almost right away and we chatted constantly. Nikki loved to dance and was going through a divorce. Her theme song was Believe by Cher. We created our own infomercial. Yes I'm a dork and I'm about to prove it.In our chatting we truly discovered the use of the acronym LMAO. But it struck us one day....can you REALLY laugh your ass off?

That's the beginning of our informercial. It was called Laugh Your Ass Off with Nikki. We had our speech down pat. What better way to lose weight than to do so laughing??

If it were indeed possible, I would have had the flattest ass in America. Because Nikki truly kept me laughing.

One day I was lucky enough to be traveling through Knoxville, and Nikki happened to live in Knoxville. So we met at a Waffle House. It was my one brief meeting with her. And she was just as awesome in person.

Somehow over the years Nikki and I lost touch. I ventured on to other chat rooms. One that would become a staple in my life for several years. I met other people both online and off. But I will always remember Nikki.

When I look back and picture those early days of internet, I imagine Nikki dancing around her house to Believe while talking to me on the phone.

And hopefully today she is sitting somewhere laughing her ass off.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

I need a 12 step program...

I'm a sucker for contests. I am always entering them, though I rarely win a damn thing. But when the prize is a book....and not just any book but a book that has been labeled as funny....i'm so in! I love to read. My extremely large "to read" pile proves that. It also proves I don't often have the time to read. But that's okay. I will find time here and there.

Well Aunt Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka is doing a giveaway....for a great book she highly recommends. And since she is full of awesomeness and I value her opinion....and well since I'm a follower by nature and have to do what everyone else is doing...I am jumping on the bandwagon to enter her contest. And a quick blurb...if you've never read her MUST.START.NOW.

So for an extra entry I could show my life in pictures and then for an additional one, I can blog about who I would nominate for the nobel prize of awesomeness. Well you won't be getting pictures. I hate pictures of me. I refuse to have a whole post about pictures of me. Yuck.

So on to the next chance. Who would I nominate for the nobel prize of awesomeness? Well that's simple.

Al Gore.

What? Isn't he the one who invented the internet??

Well Okay....then whoever invented the internet. I seriously am addicted to the internet. I need a 12 step program. I tried one, but I lost it on the first step: Turn off the computer.

Really what could be more full of awesome than the internet?? I mean really? But since I guess I need to share my goes honor of the 12 step program I need, I will list 12 reasons why the inventor of the internet is my hero.

1.) I met one of my best friends in a chat room many moons ago. We have never met, but she is one person I can share anything with and vice versa. She's always there for me.

2.) I belong to a wonderful group of ladies. The Sisterhood of the Fancy Britches. These ladies go beyond awesome. Recently one of our sisters lost everything in the Nashville floods. As of right now, our group has raised almost $700 for her.

3.) Blogs. Need I say more? I mean I couldn't possibly get this much information from others around the globe without the internet!

4.) Facebook....the best way to communicate with family without having to actually interact.

5.) Email...I can do almost all of my contacting people via email. No need for phone calls. Great for a person who has phone issues!

6.) Who needs to have a phone book laying around? I mean my mom had an obsession with saving phone books. I'm the opposite. I hate them. Now I don't need them. I have google!

7.) Yahoo Messenger....because my mom didn't call me she can IM me too!

8.) Miss American Idol?? Want to know how everyone did? Just hop on the computer and watch the episode. Put it on, turn the monitor around and lay on the bed watching your favorite shows. Not that I do just sayin

9.) Shopping! I get much better deals on books on Amazon than I can get in the store! And then there is ebay. And what if I know I need to run to walmart and get something but I need to compare prices between other stores? I can do it all online!

10.) You can work from home...if you are like me, you can answer sex questions from teenagers who obviously know NOTHING for pennies a piece. Oh the joy.

11.) Craigslist....its like a giant online yard sale!! I've gotten many things from them and sold even more. I love it. I can list what I have and I don't have to set it up, price it and sit outside all day hoping people come!

12.) and finally.....photosharing...I get pics from all my friends and costly prices....and I can share the latest pic of Brat with whomever I choose. And if I just want prints to hang up...I upload them to the store and pick them up an hour later. Awesome!

So my award for the Nobel Prize of Awesomeness goes to either Al Gore or the guy who really invented the internet!


Because I can't be awesome all the time

When I was a girl I knew how my life would go. I knew exactly who I'd be and where I'd end up. I was going to be a writer/teacher because yes I loved Laura Ingalls Wilder that much. I was going to marry my dream man. I would have the white picket fence and the house full of kids. Did I mention I was going to be a writer. Writing was in my blood. I spent all my free time writing stories. I wrote the beginnings of my first novel when I was like the ripe old age of 11. And damn was it good.

Then life happened. I got married. I had a child. I never became rich...or even middle class. Hell I don't even think I qualify for poor. My white picket fence turned into a nice little mobile home that needs an assload of work. And if you count Brat's personalities and friends that are always here, I did get my house full of kids. I skipped the baking cookies after school because honestly it's best for the environment if I don't venture too close to the oven.

But none of that saddens me. I don't miss what I don't have. I don't long for more most days. Of course on an occasional day I might think of how nice the perfect little house would be. But I'm content with my home.

But the writer part. That makes me want to cry. I devoted so much of my childhood and teen years to writing. To expressing all my thoughts in stories and poems. In preparing for the future I knew I would have.

Yet I never did it. I rarely find myself writing anymore. Not for lack of desire. It's for lack of time.

Then it hit me. If I can find time to sit on facebook and find out cousin Johnny is mowing his lawn....why can't I find time to write?

Truth be known...others took that away from me. They criticized every time I wrote something because I was real. And honest. And it touched too close to home. It made people angry.

Well screw them. I may not always be the most awesome person on the planet. I have bad days. But writing is what is real to me. So screw the haters. It's easy to say that since I don't think I've given them the link to my blog. But even if they find it, screw them.

Starting this week, I am finding me again. I am going to start writing again.

And when I have the money of John Grisham and Nicholas Sparks...lets see how they like me now.

I don't have a clue what I will write. But I will make time for it every day.

It might be nice if I started here huh?


Sunday, May 2, 2010

I need you to take out someone for me...if you're know...busy

I admit it. I'm a self proclaimed mafia war junkie. For those who have no clue what Mafia Wars is, it's a facebook application. Instead of growing stupid plants and tending a garden, you rob people, beat their ass and sometimes kill them.

It's all in the fun. And I enjoy the challenges.

But even good things can go too far. And now they have.

You can get SMS alerts when your Mafia needs you.

Really?? It has come to this. I'm sitting down to dinner with my cell phone alerts me to a text...I read it and jump up to go help someone in a battle on a pretend game on facebook?

I mean I'm all about the fun and games. But there is a line that shouldn't be crossed. And this is it.

What if you are at work? Church? Your child's school play?

I mean facebook is cool. And yes I have it on my cell phone. And I enjoy it. But SMS alerts for Mafia Wars.

Let's all get sucked in further.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Talking to the wall is sometimes more productive...

When I'm doing something, if someone asks me what I'm doing I answer. "Oh, i'm making a sandwich." or "Not much, just chatting on facebook". It's not a big mystery. I don't have some secret agenda that no one else can know about. Granted, my answers are usually boring. But boring isn't annoying to others. Boring doesn't make them want to scream and throw things at me.

Grumpy, however, he's a different story. If he's in the middle of something I hear "Nothing" or "i'll explain later" or "i'm busy" or my favorite "WHAT????"

I mean seriously.

So tonight because he jinxed us today by saying something would break tonight, the hose to our toilet busted. Oh the joys around here. Last night it was the kitchen faucet. I'm a little scared to face tomorrow.

So he's trying to rig repair it. In the bathroom. Under the toilet. In the bathroom.

So explain to me why in the middle of this process he proceeded to take my dryer out of its lovely little nook and plant it directly in the hallway.

I asked.

He said ....and I quote verbatim....."Let me do my shit and I'll explain later"

So apparently in order to repair the toilet hose in the bathroom, he needed to place the dryer in the hallway.

Only a man could come up with that. And yet he can't take two seconds to tell me why. So instead he continues on, I am perplexed and annoyed to the point of blogging about it. Because that's what I do. I get pissed and I share.

In the meantime, I'll just talk to the walls. At least they don't start moving around my appliances.


Thursday, April 22, 2010

What part of a chicken is the nugget??

I've always been a follower. Oh you want me to drink beer? Sure give me a case or two . Hmmm, smoking will make my buzz better. Well count me in folks. Always the one to do what everyone else was doing. And yes I still am. No I don't drink cases of beer anymore. But if my friends tell me that the Reester Bunny which was created by the devil himself is a perfect treat...well then I must run to Wal-Mart. Or Target. Because all the cool people go to Target.

It's gotten bad. I now want an Ipod Touch. Do I want it because I fell in love with it?? No. Because it has a feature I just HAVE to have?? Nope.

I want it because all my friends have one.

So when everyone else was watching Food, Inc and Supersize Me...and my friend in Nashville forced me allowed me to watch it...I joined the ranks of many touting how I was going to buy only organic meat. And McDonald's wasn't going to be on my menu anymore.

But I came home. And I found that organic meat doesn't agree with a poor person's budget. So I had to bypass that idea. But I stuck to the McDonald's thing, and it wasn't just because I couldn't afford the dollar menu.

Then along came Jamie Oliver. Oh how I love that man. But oh how I hate how he's changed my life. The Food Revolution is one of my favorite shows. I have learned more than I ever cared to know.

Google it folks. Mechanically separated chicken. See how nuggets are made. And Spam/Treet. And hot dogs.

It may change the way you eat. It sure has me. And its not because everyone else is doing it this time. It's because I truly care about what I'm putting into my body. For a change.

Then the same friend who wanted to turn me into a Vegan before I left Nashville decided to post a video on Facebook. It's called the four year old cheeseburger. A woman has a four year old McDonald's cheeseburger and fries in a lunchbox. They didn't break down. They have no mold. No gunk growing on them. They look like she just bought them.

We put this stuff in our bodies.

Now Brat won't even eat McDonald's. And neither will I.

So I'm on another bandwagon. hopefully one that doesn't cause me to wake up next to strangers.

And I'm praying no one shows me what is in a Taco Bell Taco.


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Guess who's back?

Well I've taken a reprieve from blogging. Not intentionally it just sort of happened that way. Homeschooling, life, frustration, stress....yea it all got the best of me. But I'm going to try to do better. I will make a conscious effort to blog. I know I have a lot to share.

So I'm in a weight loss challenge with a group of ladies. I haven't weighed myself this week yet. But as of last week I am down 10 lbs. That is truly awesome. It almost makes it worth all the expense of eating healthier.

I know this post is boring. But I did want to touch base and say I'm still here. I'm going to post more. I promise.


Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The plane didn't go down...

I wasn't taken hostage or somehow kept from the blog world by a natural disaster. I actually arrived home safe and sound a week ago.

My trip to Nashville was awesome. I met some great friends and spent time with a wonderful little girl. My Biggest Loser audition was exciting and again led me to meet more friends.

I fell in love with a book store.

I didn't see Tim McGraw.

But all in all I really enjoyed the trip. And it changed me. In major and minor ways. The most major being I quit smoking when I came back. It's a struggle. Even now, on day 6 I am struggling to not smoke. I find as I get stressed I really want one. But I'm holding steady.

It's not that I didn't want to blog. Between homeschooling Brat and getting back into the real world I managed to escape for a week, I just haven't had time or energy. But one of my many changes is with this blog. I plan to blog daily.

So be warned. I might resort to sharing stories from my life LOL.


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Attention Passengers....

I am off. Flying the big blue sky. Heading south. Hopefully heading into some warmth. Saturday is the casting call for Biggest Loser in Nashville, TN. So I am headed out first thing in the morning to stay with a friend.

I have been blessed by so many friends, family and prayers.

No matter what happens on Saturday, this will be the time my life has changed. I've already started with replacing things in our diet and making healthy meals.

And of course Jillian Michaels is trying to kill me.

So I am off for Music City. I probably won't get much of a chance to blog. But when I get back I'll tell you all about it.


Monday, March 8, 2010

Are you smarter than a fifth grader?

Brat loves that game show. She even has the DS game for it. I, however, am not a fan. But mainly because through this game I have learned that I am not, in fact, smarter than a fifth grader. And ironically, Brat is a fifth grader.

So what does this mean for me? It means that in regards to those boring school subjects I ignored took many years ago-- my child is smarter than me. Scary isn't it?

Know what makes it even more scary? I have decided to homeschool Brat. Apparently I have decided that the million things I must do, plan and keep track of were not enough. I wanted more things to figure out. More things to have to organize. More paperwork in my life.

It's been a long time coming. Brat just has needs not being met at school. Things that are important. I've watched her struggle for many years only seeing it get worse. I've realized this year that the powers that be have the communication abilities of my living room wall. I can talk all day, but when all is said and done, no one has talked back.

So I did it. I pulled her out of school. I signed up for some online classes for her. And viola...we have homeschool. I do have many ideas and plans to implement once the new wears off.

She is currently taking her math lessons.

I am sipping diet mountain dew and playing mafia wars. Don't hate. You probably are addicted to some facebook game as well. Mine just has to do with killing, earning money and dominating the world.

Maybe this won't be so scary after all. As long as Jeff Foxworthy doesn't appear and start quizzing me.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

The future American Idol auditions in the making

Brat's school has a talent show, though I use the title loosely. They call it a talent show. They even have the process of auditioning and waiting to see if you made it. Which only leaves me wondering how bad the kids were that got rejected.

Every year they narrow it down to their best. And that in itself is scary. Especially since she attends a school for the arts.

Hers was this past Tuesday. We attend. We kind of have to. Brat is always in it. And well I may sound like a bragging mom, and I probably am, but she definitely rates in the top 3-4 of the night. Of course so could I and I sound like I'm killing a cat when I sing. But seriously Brat has a beautiful voice and we are currently in the process of getting her a voice coach.

But these other kids??

Whew. In the first act they had an 8th grader play the Star Spangled Banner on electric guitar. He was really good. Which I could not say for the girl who chose to play electric guitar while singing (I think??) to a Taylor Swift song. Oh my ears.

They had several piano players that sounded like a recital of the first song you learned to play. A couple of comedy routines that I thought would never end. Several singers that scared the small children. And a few dancers that did great jobs of walking circles.

In their defense they had a couple of great singers, the staff did an awesome song as well and then they finished with a family dance routine that totally blew you away.

But the rest....I see chicken suits and Simon Cowell saying "What the bloody hell was that?" in their future.

Speaking of American in tarnation did Haley Vaughn make it onto the show? Her rendition of The Climb made my ears bleed.

I'm evil. I'm probably going to hell. But I'm taking you all with me!


Sunday, February 28, 2010

Restraining orders are overrated...

So I'm headed to a Biggest Loser open casting call. Yes I am. I have been blessed with some great friends. One is putting me up for almost a week so I can be there for the actual day and then stay in case I get a call back. And the rest joined together to provide me a plane ticket to get there and back.

So Nashville here I come. I can't even begin to explain how excited and yet nervous I am all at the same time. Mostly excited.

So in true OCD fashion, I started researching things about Nashville.

Mostly things like where Tim McGraw lives.

As scary as it seems I found out...or at least I found out where someone else who apparently is obsessed a fan says he lives.

So would it be wrong to have my friend take me by there and sit outside until he emerges?? Or is it a waste of time? I mean is he on tour? Will he even be there? Will Faith have me arrested?

Speaking of Tim. This is how my friends announced to me that they had gotten together to pay to send me to Nashville

I mean really. I was so busy drooling over looking at the picture I almost missed the message.

Do those ladies know me or what???

If I disappear after March 11, send bail money.


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Random comments from Brat....

Brat: Mom you have a girl stache

Me: Yes I know

Brat: Why don't you do something?

Me: I will, thanks for pointing it out

Brat: I have one too

Me: No you don't.

Brat: yes I do, feel this....

Me: It's fine

Brat: Can I shave it?

Me: no, you can not shave it.

Brat: But I don't want a girl stache

Me: If it gets bad I have a cream for it

Brat: You should use the cream.

brat: So the smooth away won't work?

Me: you should not use the smooth away on your lip

Awkward silence

Me: Brat, did you use the smooth away on your lip??

Brat: mayyyyyyyyyybeeeeeee


Friday, February 19, 2010

God eats mac and cheese

It's been a long day. Tomorrow is the girl scout Father Daughter dance. It's a yearly event that Brat and Grumpy go to. They walk in, sign in, have their picture taken and Brat runs off with her friends and Grumpy sits at the tables with the other dads. Such fun. Definitely worth the $15 I work hard to earn!

Every year we scour the thrift stores for the perfect dress. No I'm not paying full price for a dress she wears once until its prom. And we will see then! Today wasn't so bad. We found it at stop #2.

But oh how she wanted the straight, tight black dress with spaghetti straps. Oh how bad it fit. We went with another choice but she sure wasn't happy about it.

Then grumpy brings me ties to choose from. I look and they are red, brown, burgundy, blue....plaid, stripe, paisley....

Did I mention that his shirt is white with blue stripes and his pants are khaki? Really? Do you think those ties match? I believe God invented women so that men matched. I mean seriously. He would have worn one of those if it weren't for the fact I refused to purchase them kindly reminded him that he's not going to look like a fool representing me escorting Brat.

Speaking of God. I was in the kitchen and Brat was heating up some mac and cheese. She leaves for a minute and comes back and says how long has it been done?? I said I didn't know I wasn't paying attention.

"You were ignoring God's food? That's just wrong"

So apparently God is a fan of the Save-A-Lot brand of mac and cheese. Awesome.


Thursday, February 18, 2010

I must live under a rock

I don't get it. I seriously don't get it. Maybe my mind is warped. Maybe I need a big dose of some alternate reality to bite me in the butt. But I just. dont. get. it.

Apparently the movie The Princess and the Frog is bad. According to many Christian moms, it is not a movie they would let their child see. Oh they have one big glowing reason. It includes voodoo. Good voodoo and bad voodoo. So they are refusing to let their children watch the movie.


Now first my disclaimer before I rant. I don't think bad of anyone who chooses not to see the movie. That is your personal choice. You have a right to your opinion. I have a right to mine.

Oh and I might mention I haven't seen it yet, but I really want to.

Now back to the subject. Voodoo. Okay I can see that the idea of voodoo makes people a little nervous. It's a subject they may not want to tackle with their little one. Sure I get that. I suppose you also do not want to let your child watch the other Princess movies or Wizard of Oz for that matter. Right?

I mean witches? Do we really want our kids to think spells are okay? And don't use the line but they know its pretend. Witchcraft is not pretend. The way they play it on the movies is pretend. But witchcraft is very real.

So did you draw the line at Cinderella? Fairy Godmothers? Really? Talking animals? A pumpkin that becomes a coach?

Let's get real people.

None of the movies are all that great. For shits and giggles, lets talk about the other princess movies a bit. I'll try to keep it short.

Cinderella- A girl who is a nobody and a nothing until her fairy godmother provides her with material objects so she can go to the ball. She goes back to being nothing until the Prince comes and makes her important.

Beauty and the Beast-- A girl who agrees to become a prisoner of a man/beast just to get away from the boring that is her day to day life.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs- A woman who leaves home because of evil and ends up moving in with 7 strange guys. She becomes the maid and chef for them while they go earn the money. She is then poisoned.

Sleeping Beauty-- A woman is under a spell to sleep and can only be awakened by a kiss from her Prince.

Now are these the life lessons we want to teach our daughters? That they are no one unless they have the perfect man?

We can analyze them to death and realize how ridiculous and wrong they are on a moral level. Or we can accept that they are pretend, our girls like being a princess in their mind and we can enjoy the movie.

I want to see a Princess movie made where the lead is a ragged woman trying to mop the floor while kids run across it, with muddy feet of course, and then the dog pees on the living room carpet while she is finishing the kitchen. She cleans that up only to find dinner burning in the oven as her husband (the prince of course) walks in and says What's for dinner I'm starving. She orders a pizza, pops in some movies, cleans the mess, does the laundry, bathes the kids, gets them in bed, manages a kiss to her husband and then hides in the closet with a bottle of vodka and her laptop to blog about it all. To me....that says Princess if anything does!

Nuff said.

Editors note: after re-reading this I realized it came across as if I was targeting Christian moms. As I am a Christian mom I don't want to seem to be targeting them. It just so happens that the people I have read who are boycotting this movie do so because of their Christian values. Not all Christian moms are boycotting the movie. And even those who are aren't bad. I just don't get it.

Show me the money!

I belong to a wonderful close knit online group. These ladies are more like sisters than cyber friends. In so many aspects of my life, they have been there for years. To cheer me on, to hold me up and to cry with me. There are so many times I am not sure I would have made it without their love and support.

Now they want to kill me.

You see, beginning Monday, we have a weight loss challenge going on. So far there are 19 of us signed up. It is a 3 month challenge. We post our percentage of weight lost each Monday.

I'm very competitive.

I can't not do my best.

They've even sweetened the pot. It costs everyone $5 to join in. That is either $5 in money or a $5 amazon card code from swagbucks. The winner of the challenge gets all that.

Did I mention I like books??

So not only do I have to do my best because I'm OCD. But now I want that prize. Yes I want the weight loss more. That's what its really all about.

But cash?? Gift cards?? For the poor people, thats like super awesome.

So show me the money baby!

I feel blessed to have such a wonderful group of ladies to join this with me. To be able to share my challenges and victories with them. To know I have that support system.

They can't kill me! I'm here forever.

Hopefully several pounds lighter and several gift cards richer.

Sooooooo my losin it debut

This is my before pic. Taken a couple weeks ago. This is me at 367 lbs. I'll post a losin it post every monday.

Provided Jillian doesn't do me in.

And just for the record I had to agree not to become bulimic, anorexic or a drug addict to win. Seriously. There goes my crack plans.


There's no one else i'd rather die at the hands of...

I am a swagbucks addict. I use it all the time. I build up my bucks and trade them for Amazon gift cards. Now I'm not lucky enough to have a bunch of people under me making me bucks-- if you would like to be under me, let me know.

Wait a minute.

That's not sounding good.

Oh well. Anyways I normally save my amazon cards until I have enough to buy a few books. I like books. Better yet, I like expensive books. But I like expensive books I can't afford to buy. So I buy them with swagbucks. And don't think I'm not a bargain shopper. I buy the used books.

So I was saving my gift cards. And viola. I made an executive decision. I bought Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred DVD.

I have it on good word that she is going to royally kick my ass. I will probably die a slow and painful death at some point in the next week. The neighbors will have to call 911 because Grumpy will be too busy learning to paint his planes to realize that I just keeled over in the living room.

It's not the same as her sitting on the rails of my treadmill yelling at me. But it will have to do.

So bring it on Jillian! I am ready for you. Okay no I'm not, but if anyone is going to kill me, I'd prefer it be you!


Monday, February 15, 2010

Sorry but no I'm not her

I had visions in my head from very early on as to who I wanted to be. I knew what my life was going to look like. Okay so maybe marrying the rich man and having a maid wasn't in the cards, but the important stuff I knew.

Well I'm not her. And by that I am not saying I am not the skinny blond at the beach in the bikini with the perfect full body tan. Hey this is the internet. I can say I'm her if I want to. though in reality I am sooooo not her

I was going to be mom. And I was going to be a great mom. The mom that baked cookies all day. The mom that had 4 happy responsible, respectful, well behaved children. The mom that sat in the floor and played dolls with her daughters. The mom that took her sons to sporting events. Yes I'm OCD. My even number of kids had to also include even number of boys vs girls. In my perfect world. I was going to hug and kiss all my kids all the time. I was going to be sure they knew how much they were loved. Life was going to be perfect.


I'm not her.

I don't bake cookies all day. Mainly because it's in the best interest of everyone involved. I can't bake. I can't stress that enough. Baking is just not in my abilities. I'll even be honest and admit that I don't even cook dinner hardly ever every day.

I don't have four kids. I don't have three kids. I don't even have 2.3 kids. I have one. Now if we include her multiple personalities I am like Mrs. Duggar. But if we only count bodies, I have one child. She isn't always respectful. We are working on the responsible part. But I figure she gets it honest. And always well behaved? Yea welcome to the REAL world.

I rarely sat in the floor and played. It's just not me. I can plan a million fun things to do. And we had occasions where we did crafts or even attempted baking. But I just wasn't a play with you type of mom.

The hugs and kisses took some getting used to. I'm a strange woman. I don't find comfort in hugs and kisses. I don't enjoy cuddling. I'm just not that woman. But I did make an effort with Brat and I say it worked. She is very comfortable with hugs and kisses unlike her mom. Except she's not into hugging me much anymore.

So I'm not her. Life is not perfect. My house isn't organized the way my OCD likes which is a daily challenge in my brain. There's a mess most times. My child misbehaves and yes even in public. I don't live and a nice two story house. Dinner is often cheap and easy. And the bills aren't always paid by the due date. But they get paid. And that's the important thing.

So I've had to make my peace.

I'm not her.

And I'm okay with that


Saturday, February 13, 2010

Weapons of mass destruction...

I was right and I knew it. I shouted it from the rooftops. I preached to anyone who would listen. After all, I am a woman and that is my job correct? Because isn't it a fact that we women are determined to always be right and we pity the fool who disagrees?

So it's no shock that when I declared I would never ever ever partake of the complete and utterly insane world that is facebook "fantasy" games, I meant it. You need nails for your barn raising? You are asking the wrong chica. Want me to see your pretty fish? Nope not going to look. Raising a zoo full of endangered species? Good for you. Just don't try to sucker me in. I am a busy woman. I have jobs. I have responsibilities. I already waste enough time on Facebook trying to play super farkle because o-m-g super farkle far beats farkle catch up with family and friends. I certainly don't need a stupid phony game taking on my time. I mean seriously. I barely have time to read blogs spend with my daughter. And you want me to participate? I don't even have the time for the notifications let alone the games. That's probably why when I finally cave and go to my notifications it takes me an hour minimum to go through and click ignore. I let them build until there are 200 of them at a time.

So then tell me how this rational, sensible, busy mom ended up absolutely freaking addicted to mafia wars??? I mean I literally sit in wait until I have more energy to do more jobs. I spend millions upon millions a day in building new casinos and buying new weapons. I constantly build up my fighting skills and attack many. Although I still can't pass off trying to be a hitman yet. I've moved up like 40 levels in a week. Seriously folks, this is bad. Do you know the high I get from icing a new foe? When does a 30 something mom get the opportunity to use icing a foe in a sentence?

And I can't just go in and play. I am OCD after all. So I started with the easy level jobs and had to complete each job in levels 1,2,3 then moved up to the next level and did 1,2,3 and kept going. I HAVE to master ALL the jobs in ALL the levels. This is taking me a while. I also constantly send gifts to my mafia and receive gifts in return.

I have even considered adding strangers to my facebook just to increase my mafia. The same facebook where I share family and girl scout pictures.

Today I realized just how bad it had gotten. A relative of mine joined a group for unlimited energy for your mafia man. So I went to the group.

Step one copy this link and share it on Facebook-- Nope not gonna do it. I want my free unlimited energy but not enough to make me look like the crack addicted psycho I am.

Step two become a fan of the page-- Well I MIGHT do that. Let's move along and see.

Step three- go this site to download the hack

So I go to the site. It wants to make sure I am a human so it makes me choose a quiz. I chose which twilight character are you. Hey might as well show my mental age here right? So I took the quiz. Well it wanted me to sign up to get the results.

Nope. Don't sign up for things.

Ok here's your link. Click to download.

My brain is going nuts. Noooooooo don't do it. Noooooooooo its a trap. Never ever ever click links to download stupid stuff like this. Do you not like your computer at all??? Come on back away slowly.

I clicked.

Sorry there was a problem with the download

Please stop it. You are seriously going to regret this. back away now and clean your computer. Pleaseeeeeeee.

Click again.

Sorry there was a problem with the download

Ok I give up. See I know computers. Not as well as grumpy. But I am well aware after years of being addicted a user, that you NEVER EVER click on one of those links.

Three hours later I'm cleaning the spyware off my computer.

All I wanted was free energy.

But hey, my notifications stay clean now. And with the exception of my mafia, I still click ignore.


Thursday, February 11, 2010

The many transformations....

Today was my day off. A self proclaimed day off. In other words, I decided I needed a day for me. So yesterday I went and picked up a bunch of craft stuff. And today was officially craft day. Now let me stress that I have NEVER painted anything before. Except maybe the basement I painted for 2 years in my old house and still only got 3/4 done. That aside, painting is new to me. Especially painting crafts. But I'm on a mission. And today was my test run.

I will say that one of the projects isn't horrible for a first time. The other...well let's just say it took many transformations before I finally admitted it sucked.

Then I made a neat little snack craft for Brat's class. They damn well better appreciate it after I sat for 2 hours on the floor making them.

Here are some photos.

My supplies are ready:

Then I had the templates I created in Paint Shop

Did you know if you pencil in the back then it works like carbon paper? You can trace the pattern! Thanks Lynn for that awesome tip!!

And now we have project one...affectionately called POS! LOL. It had many different looks before I threw my hands up and said damn I can't get it!

Look 1: that was bout we paint over it??

Ewwww no. I have a better idea....

I can NOT paint freakin circles....I give up

On to project 2....the template has been transferred:

Not perfect but far better than &*&^$&&* otherwise known as project 1.

Yes I know my border is messed up....remember its FIRST TIME.

Project 2 finished....its a picture holder that hangs on the wall!

Brat liked it!

Now for the school treats....I got this idea from A Little Tipsy and thought it was super cute...but holy wow at how expensive it turned out to be!

All in all it was a good day off. I only cussed a few times at project 1. And now I know what I need to improve for my next attempt.