Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Needles and Hair Cuts and Parties OH MY

Tomorrow is D-Day. The day Brat and I go have our blood work done. For me that's not so bad, or unusual. I swear they must be harvesting my blood somewhere. They sure have taken enough of it. But for Brat it's only the second time. EVER. And she is the overdramatic sort. So this has been a big worry on her mind. But Friday is New Year's Day and I don't know if the testing center is open. And Monday she returns to school. So in order to avoid having to miss the first hour of class, we are doing it tomorrow. Shhhh, I haven't told her yet.

Then we will set out on a mission. We will brave the stores. I haven't done that since last weekend. I hope the annoying hoards crowds of people have died down. But Brat has some more money on a gift card burning a hole in her pocket. And I have a gift certificate to get my hair done. YAY. So expect before/after pics tomorrow. Then we will pick up peanut butter and oatmeal for this awesome NYE cookie I found. Don't worry, it's no bake so the fire department won't be necessary.

Then tomorrow night we are headed to Tigger's house. They are having a small NYE party and we have been invited. YAY. I haven't been to a party since...well since I was of the age that I don't remember much of the party. This is a family party. Tinkerbell (Tigger's daughter) is a friend of Brats so she should have fun. I'm sure there will be alcohol involved, but unfortunately with pesky kids around we can't drink ourselves into a stupor to ring in the end of the year. HA. Not that I would anyway. I so would .

So tomorrow should be fun. I will be sure to take before/after pics of the 'new do'. And I'm going to be reviewing some things for you soon. Not that I was asked, compensated, or offered free shit to do it. But I feel it my duty to either tell you what is awesome to use or what blows chunks.


Works for Me Wednesday...stain buster...

The lovely We are THAT Family blog hosts the fun Works For Me Wednesday Carnival every week. So I am here to share my Works For Me Wednesday tip.

You can not imagine the stains I my child can get on clothes. Apparently I look like I'm made of money and can just replace items at will. But unfortunately looks can be deceiving. Fortunately once, some friends shared a tip on a homemade stain remover solution. I thought well maybe it will help. Now it's not cheap. The ingredients can be pricy. But let me tell you, I once took PAINT off of an outfit. Seriously. This is the absolute most awesome stain solution I've ever used. As a matter of fact I'm going to try it in my steam cleaner to hopefully clean up these carpets.

Here's the recipe. Don't just take my word for it. TRY IT. I haven't met a stain yet I can't remove. Great now I just tempted fate.

How much of each item you use depends on what you are doing with it. I've actually increased it and used it in a washer overnight to clean couch cushion covers. Too bad it only made the rest of the couch look nasty.

1 cup Clorox 2
1 cup regular cascade powder
HOT water

Put your item in there and soak it. I usually soak overnight so its good and clean. Then wash as normal.

There you have it. My tip for the week!

Oh why not...New Year MeMe

Over at Musings of a Housewife she has decided to do a New Year's MeMe. Well I never could resist peer pressure. Or surveys. So for that reason I've decided to join in. But rest assured I left my shoulder pads at home.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
I began volunteering at the office of our local homeless shelter. I have met so many wonderful people through this. I truly feel blessed. (okay sappiness over)

2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Knowing me I didn't keep a damn one of them. But I wouldn't know because I don't remember what they were. Since I do have a sick desire to torture myself with unachievable goals, I will make more this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousins had their baby boy twins in January. Little do they know what they are in for in a couple years

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Sadly I lost the person I was closest to on the planet. My wonderful grandma passed away in June.

5. What countries did you visit?
I'm lucky I can visit the Wal-Mart down the street. Which depending on the hour might be considered another country.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Money. Not enormous amounts. Unless of course you are donating, in which case, I'll take as much as you offer. But enough to cover the bills and hit Golden Corral once or twice. High hopes folks. High hopes.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory? Why?
June 10th. I lost my grandma.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I survived. Seriously, after this year that's a major accomplishment. I'm not rocking back and forth in the nuthouse waiting on my meds. And I'm not in jail for assault.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I only keep track of the failures of others. I like it that way.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I always suffer illness. It's a part of my charm.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My blackberry. Special offer. Finally got the phone I've lusted after for ever.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine. I'm not in jail am I??

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
We shall leave that question to your imagination. Yes I have to censor some things. I don't necessarily prefer it that way, but it makes my survival easier.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Did you realize they expect you to pay bills like every.freaking.month ???? Greedy bastards.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was really really really excited about moving to my new home. Then I found out the bills actually move with you. Dammit.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
I'm sure it's by Miley Cyrus.

17. Compared to this same time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?

a) i'm here and that means a lot
b) about the same and that was one of my resolutions I'm sure. Guess I need to improve that this year huh?
c) right now I'm poorer. But that could change.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
There's a lot, but my biggest one is more outings and fun things with Brat.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Working. I've worked myself to insanity. It's not likely to change, but I sure can wish I'd done less of it.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home, with Nana and Brat and Grumpy. And it was nice. We made cookies. We played Press Your Luck on the Wii. Nice day.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
No but in 2008 I fell in love with Edward. No man will ever compare.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
American Idol and Grey's Anatomy. And Army Wives. And...ya know for someone who doesn't like TV I have a lot of favorite shows.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone. That wastes my energy. I'd much prefer to just piss them off.

24. What was the best book you read?
Well can I still use Twilight even though I read it in 2008? I mean Jodi Picoult was good. But NOTHING compares to Edward.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Brat. Just watching her singing progress and grow. Awwww happy mom moment.

26. What did you want – and get?
My new home. My blackberry.

27. What did you want – and not get?
Quite a bit. But I'll start with a computer from this decade. Maybe I was on the naughty list.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
It would probably be New Moon if I could actually GO SEE IT.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I didn't do a flipping thing. I'm pretty sure we had Peppridge Farm cake at home while we packed and stuff.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeausurably more satisfying?
Stable income, Edward, Stable income. Money. Yea...u get it.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
If it's not dirty, wear it.

32. What kept you sane?
Hiding in the bathroom with a bottle of liquor. Okay maybe not. I wouldn't do that. I would SOOO do that. Seriously my friends. Especially Tigger (K FINALLY has a name on my blog) and Lavendar. My partners in criminal thoughts.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hillary Clinton. I so wanted her to be President.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
With all of our medical/mental health stuff here, health care is a biggie for me. But I promise not to bore you with my rants today

35. Who did you miss?
My daddy. My grandpa. My grandma.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
I haven't met many new people. But Tigger and I became close this year. And I did meet Bella (another fake name for a friend). Bella is awesome and it was sooo exciting to hang with her.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
What doesn't kill you, makes you need valium and tequila.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"I can almost see it, that dream I'm dreaming. But there's a voice inside my head saying you'll never reach it. Every step I'm taking, every move I'm making, feels lost with no direction. My faith is shaking"

Damn, told ya it'd be Miley.


Wordless Wednesday... scary stuff


Tuesday, December 29, 2009

When is it too much??

I realize I'm an old out of date mom. Obviously I realize this with the creation of this blog. But am I really that out of date?? Let me tell you a story.

I have this friend. We will call her Ellen. Ellen isn't a bad person. She has many good qualities. (Watch out, that's usually the lead in to talking about someone's not so good qualities). Anyways I've known Ellen since my teenage years. There's always been things about Ellen that I disagreed with. For starters her clothing. Most of it wouldn't fit around my thigh. But I digress. She's a grown woman and she can dress (or in this case it'd be easier to say NOT dress) anyway she wants to. Then of course, Ellen was always the....ummm...friendly...sort. Not that I didn't have my share of friendly times back in my youth. But I was a little more particular about who I was friendly with. For the most part. Give or take a couple of intoxicated evenings. I was never one to go to the bar and not be certain who was driving me home, if you catch my drift. But again, Ellen is a grown woman and can do what she pleases.

But Ellen had a child many years ago. And I know I was wild and crazy at one point. But when I had Brat I settled down. I might have the occasional crazy time, but they are few and far between. I just assumed that's what people did when they grew up, got married and had a family.

Now Ellen and I don't talk as much. Over the past ...oh ...10 years we've drifted further apart. Partially because of the 900 mile gap between us. I do see her when I go back home. Sometimes. And I enjoy it. Most of the time. But we just don't talk, call each other, send cards, email...whatever it is that friends do. And we certainly don't have the opportunity to go out on the town. That'd make for one more long ride home. So even though I still classify Ellen as a friend, I wouldn't count her as close anymore.

Well Ellen is my friend on Facebook. Speaking of which, don't you love Facebook? The place where all the people you hated in school can find you and you can post when you pee so they know? But back to the topic. She posts pictures. I admit the hot pink mini skirt/dress whatever with pink hair kinda took me by surprise...but most of them don't phase me. It's not like it's a shock.

Well I am noticing a trend. She posts a lot of pictures of her and friends out on the town. At least I'm presuming they are. Last set I looked at included all of them straddling a pole. Little off, but still not hugely disturbing. But the most recent ones...well I have to really wonder. You see they were out somewhere and as usual they were all hanging on top of each other. But they were doing things like sticking their tongues out and faking as if they are licking each others faces.

Now my first thought is...who does this?? Really? Ellen is older than me. And I can't for the life of me fathom a point when I'm out with my friends thinking hey let me try to lick her cheek. And if I somehow ingested massive drugs and alcohol and decided I wanted to lick their face...what would possess me to say Oh shit...let me grab my camera...hold that pose!

I can seriously see how after a few drinks when I'm feeling all invincible and sexual and me saying see this pole...i'm going to pretend I'm a pole dancer. Maybe. But licking my best friend's cheek? Not going to happen.

And then of all things you post that on facebook? So now the whole world can look at it. My thinking is Ellen or her friend or whoever posted it, was thinking hey this is cool. Let me post and see how awesomely sexy and funny my friends think I am. But what we are really thinking is...Damn what a jackass!

Now maybe I am way out of date, I thought. Maybe since obviously there was multiple people in this shot, maybe I'm a prude (i can honestly say I've NEVER been called that before) and I just don't know what a fun night on the town is. Could it be?

So tonight during my girls night out at K's with pizza and episodes of SuperNanny and Teen I showing my age here??....I thought I'd share. And I said you know I can't imagine a point when I'd think let me grab the camera and take a picture of me licking your face.

Her response?

You would get decked.

And there my friends you have it. I'm either an out of date person with out of date friends, or this is really really weird.

You tell me. How far is too far to go when you are in your mid (me) to late (Ellen) 30's? Do you have a secret stash of photos of you licking your friends??

Random Comments from Brat...

Every now and then we have a comment said by Brat that can not go unnoticed. While many are completely out there and totally inappropriate....they send us into fits of laughter. So I will start documenting those comments as they happen. For this post I'm going to add the two funniest comments from this week....

"My friend said Santa wasn't real. He was just your parents. But I told her it couldn't be my parents because my parents are poor"

"What are balls? Nevermind I'll google it"

Yes folks. I'm raising a girl that will google balls to find out what they are. Now I must say in my defense I didn't let her google. But then that brought on the whole well what are testicles questions. Oy.

Such a potty mouth. Must have been all those Bratz dolls she played with.


65 in 365

Well when I decide to start changing life...I jump off the diving board into the deep end. My first real post is this! Now that's crazy ambitious. But let's give credit where credit is due. I found this over at Snarky Mom's blog Postcards From Insanity. Which if you are looking for another sarcastic but hysterical female perspective to life is an AWESOME blog. But back to the topic....

The point of this is to list 65 things you would like to accomplish in 365 days. I'm lucky if I change my undies 65 times in 365 days. But that's another story for another post. Right now we need goals. And goals I might actually accomplish. Because let's face it...even the mom of a preteen doesn't have time to build a rocket or solve world peace. So I must be realistic. What goals would I like to accomplish?? Well here is my list. Hopefully you will make your own. Be sure to comment and let me know.

1. Initiate a family fun day with activity twice a month
2. Teach Brat how to roller skate
3. Let's start small- Lose 30 lbs
4. Take Brat to the drive-in 3 times
5. Complete one craft or decorating project per month
6. Cut and color my hair and maintain it
7. Volunteer at the Rescue Mission
8. Quit Smoking (hey I have a year right??)
9. Go to the movies once per month
10. Go out to dinner once per month
11. Read one new book a month
12. Rent a newer release once per month and catch up on all movies I have been wanting to see
13. Walk Daily
14. Take Brat sledding
15. Go to the beach (here) 6 times
16. Replace the floors in my house
17. Replace the flooring in my house
18. Replace the toilet
19. Replace the dryer gas line
20. Try one new recipe a month
21. Cook more often
22. Set up and stick to a chore chart
23. Completely finish unpacking
24. Save towards a Disney trip
25. Help Brat pull up her grades
26. Get my diabetes, cholesterol and blood pressure all under control
27. Take a fun class in something I'd like
28. Go to NC to see family
29. Go to the beach (away from here)
30. Visit Chicago in style
31. Have a girls night out with K at least 3 times
32. Straighten Brats hair at least once a week
33. Remodel/decorate Brat's room.
34. Buy a new computer
35. Replace windows that need it
36. Actually use my filing cabinet
37. Start a savings account
38. Start Brat's savings account
39. Pay back Brat the money I owe her
40. Visit New York City (i'm getting ambitious, but its a dream!)
41. Purge the junk
42. Put all my photos in frames or albums
43. Make 12 new scrapbook pages
44. Learn to design Digi kits
45. Make disks of all digital photos
46. Get my business up and running good
47. Buy myself 3 new outfits
48. Buy myself some make-up
49. Go to Wisconsin to see family/friends
50. Go camping twice
51. Take Brat to a concert
52. Decorate for Christmas
53. Host Thanksgiving Dinner
54. Practice my non existant baking skills
55. Redecorate the bathroom
56. Redecorate the kitchen
57. Finish buying needed furniture
58. Write two chapters of the book I want to write
59. Make a budget and stick to it
60. Make myself do something for me every day
61. Clean house daily
62. Plant flowers in the spring
63. Organize my shed
64. Organize my inventory
65. Stay ahead on bills



Well it feels silly to jump right into the whole blog thing without a welcome post. So even though I've covered everything in the links to the right, let me take a moment to welcome you. I am the Queen Bee. For more info than that, click on the Meet the Queen button ----->

I hope you enjoy the blog. Be patient, i'm just starting.


Blogs That Help...

Everyone needs something to soothe the day to day. And since I can't walk around in a drunken stupor, I've resorted to reading blogs. Now many of these may help me on my journey. Many help me save money. And the rest, well they just make me laugh. So I've organized my favorite blogs here for you by category. Better to organize now than end up organizing a mess later.

PLEASE NOTE: I wanted to set up my blog roll page, but I haven't actually added the blogs yet. This is because I have literally pages of bookmarked blogs I must sort through. So bear with me. But they are coming, I promise!

Frugal Blogs
These blogs will help you save money!

House and Home Blogs
These blogs are about anything to do with home, from decorating to well, whatever else you do at home

Craft Blogs
I'm exploring my crafty side...

Mommy Blogs
Blogs about being a mom (or dad)

Digital Scrapbooking Blogs
You can get great freebies or good deals on supplies

Blogs that are funny as hell
Need I really explain this?

Misc Blogs
These include people I know, photography, ebay blogs etc etc.


Monday, December 28, 2009

The causes revealed....

Way back many moons ago I was not paying attention in science class. And somewhere in that damn class they taught us about cause and effect. As in every thing must have a cause. So it stands to reason that there is a cause for each of these gray hairs on my head. Right?? Am I way off base here?

Well as bad as I am at talking about myself, I am equally as good at blaming others for my misfortune. So rather than a sappy meet my family post. This will be a look at the reasons I'm looking old.

But before I start let's get the disclaimer out of the way. Obviously I'm not using real names. This is because I will share many embarrasing honest facts of our lives. So to protect the insane innocent, I've given us all nicknames. And before you start bitching, no names are meant or taken offensively. They are my terms of endearment.

Now on to the causes of all my frustration and gray hairs.

First there is Brat. She is a good kid for the most part. When she isn't taken over by those raging adolescent hormones and mood swings. Now Brat has some flaws. Mainly her multiple personalities. As all children do. And sometimes I rant about those. So I'm sure you will see your share of that. But she also has some wonderful qualities. She is one of the most loving and giving children. She would take the shirt off her back and give it to a stranger if they needed it. And that isn't because of her small obsession with nudity. I've always said there are two sides to her emotional nature. She may overreact to the small stuff. But she feels on a huge level. She is also my superstar in training. She seriously wants to be a singer when she grows up. And she does have an awesome singing ability. Fortunately she goes to a great school for the arts where she is only adding to her talent. Right now her biggest interests are Singing, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift (noticing a pattern yet??), the Wii, her friends, texting and yelling at me. But I am a firm believer that children cause gray hair. After all, I didn't have them prior to her.

Next we have Grumpy. Grumpy is the lone male figure in the house. And boy is he outnumbered lucky. Not only does he have all women, but we are all bitches most of the time on occasion. But Grumpy has given me my fair share of gray hairs over the years. The small stuff like the mess made when cooking. I mean really? Do we seriously need hamburger grease on the ceiling?

The only one allowed to have her real name (and only because I'm not creative enough to come up with something for her) is Sophie. Sophie is the ultimate of spoiled lap dog. And it's not the Queen Bee spoiling her. Overall she's quiet. Except when my friend visits. And technically she hasn't given me much grief. But since she's spoiled rotten, and well since she lives here, she made the list.

Now there are others that help add to the gray hairs on a regular basis. This doesn't mean I don't love them. Just that they give me grief through the days. I am sure you will get to know them along our trip. But since they aren't permanent residents, they aren't included here.

See, who says school doesn't pay off. I'm not aging. I have been forced to go gray.


Meet the Queen...

I can write about anything and it just flows. Until now. Talking about myself is not my forte. But its a necessary evil. Kind of like child birth. Painful, but the kind of pain you remember forever and still need drugs to numb forget. I think I hate it so much because it reminds me of just how old and boring mature I've gotten over the years. Everyone misses the fun of their youth. Occasionally with the help of Captain Morgans I relive it.

I'm a 30 something woman who resides in a typical small town in the midwest. I'm the mom to an amazing, yet volatile, preteen girl. I have a part chihuahua part bitch yorkie. Needless to say, I have more gray hair than I'd like. Which WILL be eliminated soon. My hair is generally in a ponytail. And my clothing hasn't been updated in years. We just recently became homeowners of a quaint little fixer upper mobile home. I'm just now rediscovering friendships that don't revolve around children, hobbies that don't revolve around children, and looking like something other than what the dog left in the yard before she dashed back inside.

I cuss more than I should. I enjoy a drink not nearly often enough on occasion. I have my own multiple personalities that occasionally visit several times a day. I'm bluntly honest with my daughter but have to remind her that some things we don't share at school. And I absolutely hate stupid people. Yet they seem to find me at every corner.

To wrap up an accurate description of me, I'm going to show my roots. And no not the gray ones. I mean the southern ones. These two sayings accurately describe me at this point in my life:

1. If mama ain't happy, nobody's happy

2. I'm much too young to feel this damn old

Going gray is not an option...

When I was a girl, I dreamed of when I was an adult. I was going to have 4 kids, a rich happy husband, a house with a white picket fence and I was going to bake cookies every day after school.

Instead I had one little girl with 12 personalities and a dog. My house turned into a mobile home with a covered front porch and anyone who has tasted my cookies knows that is a goal better left unaccomplished.

It didn't matter. I devoted my life to that little girl. I spent all my time with her and her friends. I became her Girl Scout leader. I volunteered at school all the time. We always had multiple children at our house. I learned how to bead hair and that I suck at Scene It- Disney Channel version. She was proud to tell the whole world I was her best friend.

Then one day my sweet little sunshine was replaced by an alien. She became...a PRETEEN. Not only do they not need me as much at school, she prefers I skip it altogether. We still have children around but they no longer want me to bead their hair and lose at games. They prefer makeovers and singing sans parent. While deep down I may still be her best friend, in public I'm her aunt.

I woke up one day and realized that I had built my life around this child and I no longer had much of an identity. If I'm not *Brat's mom, then who am I? What are my hobbies? What do I do for me? What would I LIKE to do for me? And most importantly, where the hell did all this gray hair come from??

So that's where we are today folks. I am starting on a journey. I am going from being Mom, to being ME. The fun part will be finding out who that is.

So what is this blog? This is my journey. You will see me explore changing my hair, my style, my life. You will join me as I explore hobbies and home remodeling. You will probably hear those awful stories about how annoying everyone else is. Hopefully you will find humor. And hopefully you will find inspiration to start your own journey. Whether your kids went to school, to that alien planet of teenage years or to college....we can share in the misery together. First stop-- HAIR DYE.

*Brat is not meant offensive....It's a term of endearment. Real names are not used to protect the crazy innocent.