Thursday, January 28, 2010

Because self torture is so exciting...

I'm taking a drastic step toward "changing" me. Hey maybe my slogan should be hope and change -- think they are copyrighted?? ..anyways back to thought. I've thought a lot about this and I've decided I want to give it a go. I am auditioning for Biggest Loser.

I know what you are thinking. What on earth would make me want to torture myself with the extreme side of weight loss? Well, life. Because mine is valuable. At least to me and I'm pretty sure to Brat though she'd never admit it.

I have a serious weight problem. And because of that I also have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes. I get winded walking in Wal-Mart and I LOVE to shop. So for the skinny bitch inside screaming to get out, I'm going to give it a shot.

I know I'm up against many. But it can't be worse odds than playing the lottery. Or starting a blog and hoping to get readers.

If I make it, I hope Jillian whips my ass into shape. I hope I come home with my life changed. If I don't make will be on to plan b. First I have to have a plan b.

Don't worry for me fine folks. Worry for Grumpy and Brat. They would have to survive without me here. That's just plain torture.

Random comments from Brat....

It's that time of the month for Brat again. And she has almost mastered it by now. But occasionally she needs a little help. So the other night she calls me in the bathroom to help. Which really was more like me sitting there coaching her and saying "you can do this" in a motivational way.

So she comes out all proud of herself. Walks in the room, looks at Grumpy and says....

"Dad I just needed mom's help a bit because I couldn't find my vaginya"

If only I had a camera attached to me at all times.


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

This is an emergency...please exit to the left in an orderly fashion...

Have you ever had a moment where your life flashed before your eyes? If not, have you ever wondered what would go through your mind?

Well today we are sitting here doing our normal daily stuff. By that I mean goofing off on the computers working and stuff. It's getting close to time to pick Brat up. And I had sold something on Craigslist that I had to drop off so I had to go with Grumpy to get her. Ironically my blood sugar picked this very moment to plummet to very low levels. So I am having a Mountain Dew throwback (Which are awesome by the way) and trying to get my sugar back up. Suddenly we smell something. It's a something burning kind of smell. Like if you leave an iron on and it starts burning the ironing board. At least that's what I think I remember an iron smelling like since I'm not even sure I own one.

Back to the story. We smell this smell and well we had nothing that should have smelled that way. So we panic. Grumpy points out that he needs help to locate what is burning. So he starts down the hallway. I head to the bathroom and can't find anything. I then get into the hallway and the room starts spinning. Remember my blood sugar was low. So I fell. Grumpy continued to hunt. Not realizing I had fallen, he gives me the evil eye when he comes back and sees me sprawled in the floor. Yes dumbass I normally decide to plop my butt in the middle of the hallway and especially while I think something might be on fire in my house. Can I roll my eyes here??

So we narrowed it down to either the furnace or the electrical problems we are having. Just lovely. The smell went away right as the heater turned off so I'm leaning towards the furnace. But we had to leave. I informed Nana what was going on and handed her a fire extinguisher just in case.



But as I sat there getting ready to go I looked longingly at my desk. What should I do? I mean what if something caught fire while I was gone? I'd lose everything. Maybe I should put the computer in the car? Oh and my camera? I mean what would I lose if those were gone?? I surely can't replace them. I'm too broke. And all my photos for years are on the computer.

But it would be silly to unhook it all and stick it in the car right?? Plus then I'd have to take Brat's and put hers in the car. Then Grumpy would want his. Yes folks we have multiple computers. And seriously wouldn't it look bad if we loaded up computers and cameras and left my mom here???

So I settled. I handed Grumpy Brat's phone. I mean yes I got them (blackberry) on a buy one get one deal. The drawback to that is I got no warranty. If its gone, I pay the $500+ to replace it. So I said "here take this and I'll take mine, we can't replace those." And we left.

On the way to the school I realized I never even thought of the dog.


Monday, January 25, 2010

Not Me Monday....

I'm participating in MckMama's weekly NOT ME! Monday. Head over to her site to see what she and everyone else has not been doing!

I did not end up missing my scheduled volunteer hours because life had gotten the best of me. And if I had I most certainly did not sleep in way too late. And even if I had done all of that, I certainly did not lay there feeling sorry for myself until the wee hours of the morning. No way! Not Me.

I did not allow my daughter to invite a friend of a friend that she had met once and only chatted on facebook with over for a sleepover. I did not then take them and buy them pizza, movies and a video game. I did not then have the girl decide she didn't want to stay and go home. That would be terrible.

I did not then see this girl talking to my daughter about making out in the bed with her boyfriend. I did not about have a heart attack. I did not have to decide whether to ban this girl or not. I did not decide that she's going to come across this eventually and being secretive about this stuff will only entice her more. No way. That would be liberal parenting.

I did not get into a debate on politics with my relative who doesn't debate well on Facebook. I did not share how I felt about previous administrations. I did not question his theory of socialism. That would be silly.

I did not have dessert night two nights in a row instead of our one night. I did not do this because I did not totally ruin my turtle brownies. I am not bad enough of a baker to ruin boxed brownies. No way.

I did not suddenly find and become obsessed with the Knock Off Wood blog. I do not now have multiple plans for building stuff this spring/summer. I am not afraid that I will ruin it. Obviously I must be good at something since I am NOT good at baking.

I am not in a down place right now. I do not need to find a way to bounce back. I am not feeling like i'm on a drowning boat all alone. That would mean I did not have it all together. And we know I have it all together.

So what have you NOT been doing??

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Oh no she didn't...

You may have noticed that I've been kinda ranting and raving lately. Talking about deep stuff and all that jazz.

Well let me introduce myself. My name is Queen Bee. I'm 30 something years old and I'm bipolar. Seriously. So sometimes I feel funny. Sometimes I feel serious. And when something strikes me I write about it.

So if I seem to be ranting a lot, just go with the flow. I will eventually bounce back to how to survive the turmoil of having a pre-teen that doesn't want to be seen with me. LOL


The world is doomed...

Yep you read that correctly. The world is doomed. Why? Well let me tell you a story.

I have a job. It's a work from home gig. Technically I am an "independent contractor". This just means I work for peanuts, they can lower my wage if they want, I get no benefits and I can do all this from the comfort of my sweat pants and t-shirt. Hey, we all have priorities.

Well I can't get into what my job is, what company I work with...any of that. It's part of the whole privacy agreement I signed. But I can tell you this much. I answer questions. The topics vary. But I spend a good chunk of my time talking to teenagers. Most of them young teenagers. And it scares me to see what they think they know.

I have a hard enough time when I have to explain masturbation to what appears to be a 13 year old boy. I find myself often wanting to ask where his parents are? What happened to sex education in school? And other seemingly obvious questions. But some of the questions about sex are much more serious. I get a lot of 'How do I know if I'm pregnant'. I get a lot of how to perform specific acts.

But what kills me are the questions that prove that society is failing our teens. Today I got this beauty:

"What is the best sex position so I know she won't get pregnant?"

Really? This is what our teens think? No wonder teen pregnancy rates are on the rise. No wonder two of our Ambassador Girl Scouts (Think top level seniors in High School) are toting babies to the events. Where are the parents?? What are they NOT teaching their kids.

If you are a teen and are reading this I have news for you. EVERY POSITION CAN GET YOU PREGNANT. The only guaranteed way to not get pregnant is abstinence. The second best way is condoms or other contraceptives.

I am worried about what our teens aren't learning. They know how to build bombs, surf the internet, make hearts on their facebook status and design video games. But they do not know how to prevent STD's and pregnancy. Shouldn't those things be a priority??

I blame parents first. Because ultimately it is a parent's responsibility to teach their kids how to keep themselves safe. SAFETY FOLKS. This isn't about showing them that we want them to save it for marriage. Obviously we do. But if they are going to do it, and they WILL, we want them to be safe. We teach them how to prevent accidents in the car. We don't want them to have to handle the car if they slip on ice. But IF it happens we want them to know what to do. Because safety is important. Parents bitched about sex ed classes saying it was a family matter. Then DO IT. Don't assume that little Johnny is not going to do anything wrong. Teach him. Show him values first and then follow it up with safety.

Second I blame schools. Rather than do the job they have and TEACH, they let parents dictate what they will and won't do. And that leads to not doing enough. Why do these kids believe that by hanging upside down in water while having sex they will not get pregnant? Because they haven't been taught any better.

So I am honest with Brat. Sometimes too much LOL. But I want to know that she is well aware of what can and does happen.

Guys I tell you honestly if you had to answer the questions I have to answer, you would be screaming for sex ed from the roof top. Don't think your kids are innocent. Or that they don't ask questions. They just ask them anonymously to strangers who very well could steer them wrong. Wouldn't you rather they ask you?


Saturday, January 23, 2010

One of the seven deadly sins...

I'm guilty of it. Envy. It colors me green more often than I'd like to admit. I see people living their lives, seems as if nothing is wrong in their life, and I envy them. I see kids who have it all together. And I'm envious of their parents.

I'm still living waiting on my dream. The whole house/white picket fence I don't necessarily need. But I'd sure like to have stability and maybe a dinner out once in a while.

What I wonder though is if this makes me a bad person. As if I'm not happy being who/where I am in life. I mean does this mean I am selfish. Or that I regret things in my life?

I don't dislike my life. I just wish to improve it. Yes there are some things I want to be different. Not because I'm selfish, but because things like paying the bills on time would be nice.

Hmmm maybe I'm thinking too deep on a Saturday night. What do you think?


It's like crack for sober people...

Your life is going along at a normal pace. You get the kids off to school. You either work, clean house or hell maybe just sit on the couch with bon bons watching Days of Our Lives. You manage to cart them to the many after school activities. Somehow you throw in a dinner, baths, and possibly some tv. Normal life. You only drink when the kids drive you insane occasionally. You don't imagine yourself doing drugs. The clubs and wild days of your youth are behind you.

And then it happens. You first experience it slowly. It seems kind of cheesy. You are curious though. After all, everyone you know has tried it. So you do too. "Is this all there is to it?" you ask yourself often. What's the big fascination? But, my friends, that is before you get your first high. It kind of makes you giggle like a school girl. Next thing you know, you just have to include it in your day. But you are mature and responsible. You do it a little at a time. But like an alcoholic, you are sucked in. Five minutes becomes an hour. That becomes two hours.

Pretty soon the husband is taking the kids to school because you were up until 2am. Dinner is Stouffers Lasagna. Hey don't knock it. At least you splurge on the good kind. You begin to wonder if you can skip those after school activities. And before you know are spending hours a day with your new love.

Yes. It is THAT bad. It is the new crack for sober people. It will grab a hold of you and not let go. It will take hours of time away from your family. You will soon reconnect with those you knew "back in the day". And it will cause you to piss off everyone you know.

It is Facebook.

Do you realize how much time I spend on Facebook? Way more than I spend on other things in my life. I can't find time to color my hair but I can sure find time to make sure "the Jones" family is doing ok. Of course I could call "Mrs. Jones" and ask. I could even visit. But no. It's much better to keep up to date with them via status updates.

Now in my defense, half of my Facebook time is spent surfing through the billion and a half notifications from Farmville, iHeart and other such irritating applications. I mean how can I know that my friend went to the dentist today and survived if I don't check in. How can I show the world that I support my mother, father, bra size, friends, troops, doctor and local mall? I MUST check in on Facebook.

At first I laughed. Oh yea, I'm really going to tell people every move that I make. Then one day I realized I had become just like them! Suddenly if I had a blister on my foot I must announce it to Facebook. But I have to be careful. My daughter is on there too. As are all her friends.

Facebook is absolutely the greatest invention on the planet. I know what my family is up to and I don't even have to interact with them!! What kind of perfection is that!!! Sometimes I find out what my mom is up to and she's temporarily residing down the hall. It's genius.

But that doesn't take away from my absolute HATRED of Farmville, Restaurant City, and all the other nonsense games that auto post every flipping thing my friends do in the game. With close to 200 friends that can get really really annoying.

But farkle and bejeweled blitz totally make up for it.

So I admit it. My name is Queen Bee and I'm a facebook addict. It's not just for teenagers anymore.


Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Excuse me but you are interfering with my meltdown....

Grumpy has been sick. That statement alone should be enough to warrant sympathy for me. Because unlike me, when Grumpy is sick the world must stop. Suddenly it's as if the earth is going to explode from some disaster caused by the simple fact that he is of course dying of some unnatural cause.


That's what it was. But let me tell you it knocked him flat on the ground. Doubled over grabbing his abdomen as if something were going to fall out. Sounding as if he were giving birth to Roseanne pre-surgery.


I could be vomiting, leaking fluid from every orifice of my body, have my arm amputated and my leg broken and I'd still have to get up and function. But Grumpy can't take out the trash because he can't go potty.

So the trash waited. And I know many women out there would be like Why can't you take out the trash. And my answer is a big resounding "That's not my job". Yes I said it. It's a man's job to take out the trash. It's a man's job to fix the toilet. It's a man's job to shovel the driveway and scrape the ice off the car windows. If God intended for me to take out the stinky garbage, he wouldn't have created men to begin with.

Screw womens rights. All that did was end up making women have to do mens jobs. Now we have to work twice as hard as we had to work and instead of doing the manly things, men are sitting on the xbox playing Call of Duty. Whoopty Doo.

The problem though wasn't that Grumpy was sick. It was WHEN he was sick. I happen to be in the middle of a down spell for me. Which means getting up and dressed is the extent of my abilities to function normally. So in essence he ruined my ability to sit and do nothing and feel sorry for myself.

So i've given him an ulitmatum. He's allowed 2 sick days for physical or medical illness during any given month. The only other way he can have sick days if he decides to go and be labeled crazy like the rest of us.

And I intend to invest in exlax so this never happens again.


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I'll take some guilt with a side of shame please....

Normally on a good day I like to think of myself as optimistic. On a good day. But there is optimism and then there is stupidity. To me optimism is having hope. Feeling that things will improve. It doesn't downgrade what you are currently feeling but leads you to believe that this too shall pass.

For some reason people have adopted a new form of optimism. It urges you to quit focusing on what's got you down and start being grateful for what you do have. In theory it sounds good. But in reality....not so much. It instead makes you feel like you should have shame and guilt over feeling bad about whatever you are feeling bad about. So all this positive being thrown at you only ends up making you feel worse.

A friend of mine once told someone "Don't feel guilty for your feelings. Someone else's reality doesn't diminish your own"

That my friends is a wise statement. Your reality doesn't make mine less. The fact that millions of people are without jobs right now does not make the fact that one of my employers cut our pay by a third suck any less. The fact that many are homeless doesn't mean I should feel better about the fact I need to repair my floors and don't know where the money is coming from.

Yes I am aware that I should be thankful for a home, heat, food and a healthy child. And believe me, I volunteer at a homeless shelter daily. I know what my alternative COULD be. I know that I am very blessed. I don't deny that. I don't pretend my life is the bottom of the barrel because by far it's not.

But that doesn't change the problems I DO have. Lack of money for much needed things. Health problems. A child who struggles daily to just be accepted and liked. A semi sort of job thing that just cut my pay.

My reality is STILL reality. And I am not going to feel shame for thinking right now that it sucks. I am not going to let the fact that others have it worse make me feel guilty for hurting and being sad. I am not going to let the fact that I do have many things to be thankful for stop me from hating some of the situations of my life.

Will I get over it? Absolutely. And I'm still optimistic. I still believe there is hope. I still believe that there will be better days. But today is not one of them. And I won't apologize for that. Instead I will accept my reality. I will feel how I want to feel. I will own the truth.

Tomorrow I will again wake up grateful for the positive in my life. But I won't promise to not acknowledge the negative. Because if I ignore it, I can't possibly fix it.


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Interview with Aunt Becky....

Have I got another blog for you to read. I know I'm a slacker and my blog roll still isn't done. I suck like that. But you have to put down everything and head over to see Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka. This has to be one of the funniest blogs I've read. But be warned, adult language is used.

Now that being said...Aunt Becky is giving away a gift card to Amazon. Who the hell doesn't like free money??? I'm a shopper by nature, so this excites me. As part of my entry to win I am doing her interview. So here goes nothing!

1) Dave and I have a long-standing feud over cheese in a can. He thinks it’s food of The Gods while I think it’s probably Of The Devil. Your take?

Cheese in a can is an awesome food. Who doesn't love it? But have you looked at the nutrition facts? Obviously anything that tastes that good but has that many calories is of the devil. It's a sick and twisted way to try and make my ass too big to get into Heaven.

2) Is there any way you can think of to make the elder Gosselins go away? I AM ALL EARS.

If I had any way to make them go away, they would already be gone. Frankly so would Tiger Woods. I am so sick of hearing about all of them. I mean really I don't give a rat's ass. Move on to something more entertaining or informative. I feel sorry for their kids. They have to actually live with those people.

3) Who is your ridiculous “I can’t admit this to anyone in polite company lest I be banned from life” crush?

Well I get a lot of flack from close friends because I have a huge thing for Richard Gere. Yes I've heard the hamster jokes. I heard them about NKOTB too. There is always some celeb that gets that rumor. Poor Richard. Maybe I should console him.

4) If you could fuck it all and pursue your dream (assuming, of course, you were going to be GOOD at it), what would that dream be?

Well I've always wanted to write a best selling novel. But that's work. And my true honest dream would be to never have to work again and yet still have all the money I needed. I would be a shopper. Yes that would be my dream. Shop all the time. Never have to worry about money. But if we are talking about dreams you actually have to WORK at....well back to writing. I'd love to be able to sit and write.

5) They say “living well is the best revenge.” I think they are wrong. Do you?

Of course they are wrong. The best revenge is one that brings you great satisfaction while causing pain and torture to the one who did you wrong. I'm all about the payback.

6) What is the most humiliation you’ve experienced in public that you’d be willing to admit to The Internet?

Well so many people already know my biggest humiliating moment. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to share that with perfect strangers just yet. But let's just say it includes Pizza Hut (while they were open), a lot of alcohol, a jeep and some nakedness.

7) Are you honest with The Internet? Like, if I came over to your house tonight (heh)(I’m coming over, yo)(heh) would I be surprised at who I found?

I haven't really shared all that much yet as I'm a new blog. But yep I'm pretty straightforward. If you came over tonight you'd find a little messiness, some dirty laundry and my damned Christmas tree still standing bright in the window.

8 ) If you could have one talent that you don’t currently possess, what would it be?

The ability to never sleep. Seriously. I would get sooo much more accomplished in my life if I wasn't so damned tired all the time.

9) There’s not always room for Jello. Is there?

Only if the jello has liquor in it. In which case I will always make room for jello. Otherwise, jello sucks.

10) What’s your guiltiest of the guilty pleasures?

Reese's peanut butter eggs at easter. To Die For. Love them. But that's a random guilty pleasure. I don't really know. I guess staying up late so I have some wind down time without Brat wanting/needing something or making any noise.


Can a baby have a mid-life crisis?

In terms of age, this blog is a baby. It has barely been around a few weeks. In blog years, that is absolutely nothing. Yet I'm having a mid-life crisis. Part of it is caused by the fact that in the real world, I'm going through some mental crap. Part of it is just indecision.

I started this blog with an idea in my mind of what I wanted it to be. Then I got obsessively reading other blogs. Then I started doing carnivals and memes. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a follower like that. I do stuff just because everyone else is doing it. Yes if all my friends jumped off a cliff I'd probably do it too.

But in all this I somehow lost my train of thought. What I want to be. Where I want this blog to go. I know that I love mommy blogs. But I don't just want to be another mommy blog. I have a vision. But achieving that vision takes a little thought. And my brain is mush.

So bear with me. I'm coming to terms with which direction I want this blog to go in. In the meantime just be patient. My mid-life crisis won't include a 20 something man, a convertible and low rise jeans. I promise.


Friday, January 8, 2010

Writer's Workshop-- Man I Rock!

I saw this on another blog I read DAILY, Postcards From Insanity, and thought I'd really like to do this. It is a fun blog carnival/meme/workshop created and hosted by Mama Kat (another blog I always read). Well damn. You had to do nothing and you just got two AWESOME blog recommendations from me :)

Okay now on to the writer's workshop. We had to choose a question. I toyed with a couple but I decided to go with:
Describe what you would change about yourself if you could.

Well that is simple. Nothing. I ROCK. I mean I am the Queen of awesome. Just forget that my blog is all about change. I need to change nothing.

OK moments over. Let us move on.

Society has created an epidemic. No matter what age they are or how they look, act and feel-- if you show me a female I will show you someone who wants to change something about herself. We are never good enough. Our looks. Our actions. Our feelings. Our parenting. The fact we don't parent. We are always looking for ways to improve. How often do we see the men in our lives trying to change themselves? We are lucky when the men in our lives change clothes and put on clean ones. Seriously. Yet as women we all feel that we are lacking something. I mean I created an entire blog of how I want to change. I know so many women both online and off who are totally awesome. Yet they want to change things about themselves. I am no exception. I just think it's very sad that no woman I know can actually say I rock. I am awesome.

According to society, I should be considered lazy and slacking because my hair is showing gray. Because my house isn't spotless I am a bad housekeeper. I need to lose weight because I'm careless. When I make frozen stouffer's lasagna I'm a bad cook. I should crawl out of bed every day and put on heels and makeup. Mozy my way to the kitchen to make up pancakes and eggs. Get Brat up and dressed for school in only the highest quality clothes. Get her out the door, tidy up my already clean house. From there I should run my errands, pay the bills and get my hair done. When I'm done with that I should come home, clean again just because that's what I should do and begin my homemade recipe for dinner. After serving up my family a great meal I can do dishes, play with Brat, sew an outfit, bake some cookies and clean one more time. Then I can finally take my heels off and settle down for a few hours sleep.

If I don't do this according to the standards society has set, I am somehow slacking in my duties and life. My parenting is bad because instead of some structured activity with Brat, I choose to kick her butt at Mario Kart. I'm a lousy housekeeper because I chose to catch the latest Hannah Montana episode instead of vacuuming or washing dishes. Since I work from home, if I allow her to go play alone, then well I'm just not a good mother. I am not an attractive woman because I have extra weight on me or because my hair is turning gray. I need to be presentable. I need to take care of myself.

But what society doesn't take into account is that instead of spending 24/7 worrying about all the things I'm not doing, I am living. Did I make cookies at Christmas? Sure. Betty Crocker ones with Brat and her BFF. And to be honest, they made them. I supervised. But it was the best day! Is my house clean? Probably not. But between working and living...time runs out. Do I need to lose weight? of course. But do you know how many men need to lose a few pounds? Quite a few. But how many are actually trying?

I'm not saying we shouldn't always strive to be our best. I'm not saying we don't make mistakes. We all do. I make a ton. When my daughter said someone pushed her at school, her dad told her to shove them on their ass. Is that good parenting? Probably not the best choice of advice. But we love her. And she knows it.

So when faced with the question of what I'd like to change about myself...well the part of me that feels less than would answer everything. I'd love to work on every aspect of my life. To improve my looks, my weight, my health, my finances, my parenting, just everything.

But the part of me that knows while I let myself go just a tad, I've spent the past 11 years getting to know and enjoy the company of one of the most awesome girls on the planet....well she'd say nothing. I don't need to change a thing. I rock. I am awesome!


I'll take a double

There are days that drive me to drink. If of course I had any liquor in the house. Or any money to purchase any. I may have to learn how to make moonshine or something just for days like this. I mean really? What is up with the universe today.

I knew it was going to be a bad day when I realized at noon that I'd shut the clock off this morning. The problem with realizing that at noon is that you also realize that pesky child is still there. Oops. Sorry teacher. Didn't mean for her to miss school today. Trust me, in the mood she's been in, I REALLY didn't mean for her to be home ALL.DAY.LONG.

Damn it all.

Yes my lazy ass stayed in bed til noon. I blame the theraflu. Technically when I realized it at noon I said to hell with it and went back to sleep. So sue me. I've been sick and life has sucked and I just slept. A lot.

So I woke up later feeling like the useless piece of garbage we are all trained to feel like if we aren't perfect. I'm a failure...blah blah. Go tell Dr. Phil. I've got bigger fish to fry. Like the fact I've got to work and come up with the money I need to go to this torture festival overnight with Girl Scouts tomorrow.

Let's not even get into the work situation. I mean the company that is my main bread and butter right now is making some very wise business decisions. FOR THEM. The rest of us just get it without so much as a kiss. They want me to work for points. Yes I said that right. POINTS. And then these points are worth...hold your breath....7/10th of a penny each. So at the end of the month, they add it up and that's what you make. And then a month later they pay you. How fucking generous.

If I wanted to work for points, I could find something much much easier and better than this thankyouverymuch. But right now I still have the option to work for my small paycheck and I do. Or I try.

Brat was in a mood today. She did a no no on the rules list. So she lost her phone for the day. Damn if she didn't do it again. Girl gets her stubborn streak from Grumpy. I'd NEVER push it to the extreme like that if you believe that, I've got a job you can have where you work for points. So she lost phone AND computer for the day. Whatever will she do without access to facebook and Sims 2.

I go later to smoke, and I'll be damned if that girl had not drug her fold out foam chair/bed thingy outside. In the snow. And she was laying on it. In a tank top and pj bottoms. What the hell? According to her, she was now a hobo with no where to live and no one to love her. So my calm cool collected self did the only thing you can do in this situation.


My neighbors love me.

It worked though. She brought the bed in. And slammed the door. And all my lights went off. Well not all. Only the living room, Brat's bedroom and half of my bedroom. Out. Gone. TV. Computers. All of it. So Grumpy heads off to the breaker box to fix it. HA. Can't be fixed. Well it can. But it's going to take an electrician.

Seriously when the previous owner told me about the TLC this place needed, she left a LOT out.

So we have half power. Of course we got the computers back up and running. I mean I'm crazy but not THAT crazy.


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Works For Me Wednesday! Backwards Edition

So you probably already know that We Are That Family hosts a weekly blog carnival called Works For Me Wednesday. Normally bloggers share tips on what works for them in some way or shape. But this week it's all twisted up.

Instead of giving you a tip-- we are asking for your tips. It's the backwards edition!

So in keeping with the idea of my blog, I'm going to ask for tips on developing a life, hobbies etc.

What works for you? Do you have a girls night out? Do you craft? Do you compulsively shop? What do you do that is a way to give yourself some much needed ME time?


Wordless Wednesday.... Rock On Dude


What I did for me Wednesday!

I spend so much time doing for everyone else. I decided as part of changing into my very own human person, I would start telling what I did for me this past week. And I want you to join in with me!! Blog about what you did for yourself and then link up here. Now remember, it has to be something you do for yourself. Not the kids. Not the husband. Not the dog. Just you!

I rarely do anything for myself. I don't spend money on myself. I don't even often make decisions on meals because I want them. I am so busy doing what everyone else wants, or buying what everyone else needs, I get lost in the shuffle. Isn't that the way it always is with moms?? I mean don't get me wrong, I LOVE doing for my family. But every now and then we need a little something too. So my list may be small, but its huge at the same time.

* I went to a New Year's small gathering at my friends. Seems like no biggie. But I went against "mom guilt" to go. You know, the "what am I going to do all alone for New Year's while you are there?" I stuck to what I wanted to do!

* I ordered myself not one but THREE new books from Amazon! Best of all? I used Swagbucks to do it!

* I took plenty of long hot showers. Really guys, I LOVE my shower head. Not not like that. Hush.

* I got my hair cut. Yes I had a gift certificate, but I MADE TIME to go do it.

* I made no bake cookies a couple times. I'm in this urge to take time and make homemade stuff and I did it.

That's my small list for the week. What did YOU do for YOU??

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I have a dream....

No, really, I do. It is to have a blog that is humorous while also being helpful to moms who suddenly find themselves with a kid or kids that don't quite need them as much. Who suddenly have to "get a life". Those who suddenly need "hobbies" and "friends" that do not center around the kids who are growing up way too fast. Those of us driven to drink a new reality that is called adulthood.

So I've been thinking, what can I do to promote that among my blog? And I have an idea. Now it may flop like most some of my ideas. But I'm going to give it a go.

Beginning tomorrow I will start "I did it for me Wednesday". I will start by telling what I've done for myself over the past week. I will add a nifty little linky and you can blog about what you've done for yourself this past week.

It's a start to seeing how we can be people as well as mom. Especially when mom is told at Wal-Mart "Hey when we get inside, you are my aunt".

So be thinking of what little or big things you have done for yourself in the past week!


Comment Problem Resolved....and I'm not a follower...

First off thanks so much for letting me know that my comments were not working. I appreciate it. I had no idea. I think I have resolved the problem but since my IT dept (aka Grumpy) is asleep....I'm not positive. But I tested and it worked so we should be good. Now you can comment away!!

I'm not a follower. Well in real life, I am. I tend to go along with whatever anyone else does. I call it easygoing. Tigger calls it a pain in the ass. But here in the blog world-- I am not a follower. So please don't be offended. I learned in my personal blog that when I click on follow, it went to my list and I NEVER checked that list. Instead I relied on my favorites or blogroll for that. So I'm working on my blogroll. It will include all the blogs I read regularly! Now don't get me wrong. I will probably over time, go in and follow them. Not because I will read it that way...because I will still use my handy dandy list. But because it is the decent respectable thing to do in the blog world. So please don't be offended if I am not currently 'following' you. I still read you. I read WAY TOO MANY blogs regularly. It's a bit of an obsession. But once I get the kinks worked out and my blog roll going, I will go in and officially follow my favorite blogs. And if I've commented on you or done a MeMe or Carnival of yours you are on my blog list. That I will get done. I promise. Once I have a spare day to finish it LOL


The REAL Queen Bee

She rules the house. When she wants attention, you pay her attention. She is often found sitting in a lap. Lately she has been becoming more independent. Wanting her space. So many times she will be curled up somewhere near enough to someone to be together, but far enough away to be alone.

She has taken a particular disliking to the snow. You MUST shovel before she will set foot off the porch. She demands it. If not, watch out because she will not go outside. She pretty much prefers the comfort of summer and was meant to live in the deep south where it's (usually) always warm.

She loves to snuggle up in my bed and I HATE it. She moves around too much. I like it calm and still when I'm trying to play games on my phone sleep.

But she is the absolute QUEEN of this house. And she is one more spoiled brat.

I now introduce you to..............................................................



Come out come out wherever you are

I have just learned that it's national Delurking Week. January 4-10 is the week that lurkers come out and say hello. Now I know I've gotten quite a few visitors. So now is the time to come out and show me that you are here.

I am contemplating what I'd like to do on this blog. Although I love them and read them daily, I don't want to just be another drunkmommy blog. After all, my point here was what to do when you are no longer needed to be mommy all the time.

So in honor of delurking about you share with me what you would like to see!


Monday, January 4, 2010

Wat da heell iz rong wif muh

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. In a way I love that I can stay in touch with friends and family across the country. In a way I hate that friends and family across the country can stay in touch with me. HA! No seriously. It can and has taken up way too much time I could spend reading blogs working or cleaning.

But my biggest pet peeve about Facebook? It has turned todays pre-teens and teens into morons. The famous status message. Where you can tell the whole world when you have to go potty. Only the youth of today has distorted this poor status message into a world all their own. Because my daughter is a pre-teen, I have many of them on my Facebook. Which drives me nuts because I have to watch what I say of all their silly posts and the dreaded hated Farmville. But also because it takes me longer to decipher their status messages than I should be spending on Facebook.

And I absolutely LOATHE the new lingo. It makes my skin crawl. I want to drive to their house, slap their mama since it's illegal to slap them and point out that they take English classes for a reason.

My biggest pet peeves? Well for starters...what the sam hill is wrong with H? I mean did H commit some serious offense to render it useless? Is it really a timesaver to type Wat instead of What? Back in the days when I was younger chatted, we referred to that as a typo. Typonese was my first foreign language.

Then of course there's the Me situation. I don't get it. At all. Me is a simple word. Two letters. Meaning obvious. It's worked for centuries to insinuate that one was talking about himself. My is the same. Simple two letter word. Self explanatory. So why oh why did those two simple words get changed to Meh, Muh, Mah? Hello, even a two year old can say me or my. Why does a 12 or 15 year old find it so bad??

Speaking of two year olds. When did we replace the with DA. Dat (another word I hate) makes us sound stupid. Or maybe its stoopid. Who knows anymore??

While H has been eliminated, Z has gained new popularity. It has replaced that funky S in many words. Thiz, Iz, LOLZ, I could go on and on. I know itz zuppozed to look cool, but itz really not.

And Skool. Oh the irony of that.

There are more words that I don't get and most importantly can't stand. It would take all day to name them all. All I can say for sure is that all around the world, kids have dying brain cells. Or at least it appears that way when they speak. When I was a girl we had to walk to school in the snow uphill both ways do a lot more than chat on facebook to kill brain cells.

I, of course, have raised Brat better. She would NEVER type or talk any less than as a lady. Stop laughing if you know us. Yes I know she walks around the house saying O-M-G and I-D-K. Yes she spells it out. But she does know better than to use this foreign language on me. If she texts me or puts a status message that sounds that way, she gets a good dose of my opinion. And since pre-teens want anything except their mom's opinion, it just doesn't happen.

So I vote we beat convince our kids to speak properly. Or else someone needs to make a dictionary for me. Because I'm spending way too much time decoding status messages on Facebook. I could use that time to play farkle catch up on chores.


Getting to Know You

I found this over at MannLand. And I thought it'd be a great way to share a little more about myself and learn about others. If you want to participate, just visit her blog and add your link!

1. Where were you born? I was born in Cherry Point, NC. At the marine base. But I did not stay there long at all. So I don't even count it as my "hometown"

2. Toilet you crinkle/crumple or fold it? I've done both. I don't really have a preference. But Brat...she folds it neatly. Scary that I know that.

3. What was the last movie you saw in the theater? Well it certainly wasn't New Moon. I REALLY REALLY want to see that. But the last one I saw in theaters was Hannah Montana: The Movie

4. What room to you spend the most time in besides your bedroom? The bathroom LOL

5. Would you be grossed out if you found out your husband/boyfriend/significant other hadn't brushed their teeth for 4 days and you had been snogging (kissing) them?
Yea probably

6. Do you fold your underwear? Yes I do...but it ends up messed up so why do I bother?

7. What is one goal you would like to achieve this year? I'd like to have some security and stability going on.

8. What is your favorite month/least favorite month? My favorite month is a tie...December for Christmas and July because its warm and there are no obligations. It's fun. The worst month is January. I think it's the letdown after the festivities.


Not Me Monday!

The lovely MckMama started a fun tradition in Not Me Mondays. I thought I'd like to participate. So here goes.

It was not me that skipped working over the weekend while it was busy. I certainly didn't skip so that I could read blogs. No way, NOT me. I am way more responsible than that. I worked as planned.

It was not me that ran out of dinners just one day short of the money hitting the account. I most certainly did not then make Brat eat Ramen noodles until midnight when the money hit. It was NOT me that then bought a bunch of frozen junk dinner because who wants to cook at midnight?? I always provide a balanced diet for Brat.

It was not me that poured my NYE drinks. I did not make them a little stronger than I should. I did not! I am not a lush like that.

It was not me that stayed up late and slept late over winter break. I did not get our sleeping schedules all screwed up. I would never do that. I know how important a good schedule is.

It was not me that has avoided grocery shopping for days. It was not me that hasn't even made a list or planned my menu. I am on top of things. I am always prepared.

It is not me that still has Christmas decorations up. It certainly is not me that doesn't plan to take them down until next weekend. I never procrastinate like that.

It is not me that is sick. I never get sick.

It is not me that is hoping I will be too sick to go to the Girl Scout overnight event Friday. It is not me that is dreading it like a root canal. I love Girl Scouts and look forward to all events.

Queen Bee's New Year's Rockin Eve

Here are some photos from our fun little NYE get together at Tiggers. Not many photos to share out of respect for the fact that they might not want their photos plastered all over the internet.

First off I tried my hand at some no bake cookie balls I found at Taste and Tell. They were sooooo pretty. Until I tackled the recipe.

Yep they were some ugly little things. But they did taste sooo good. No leftovers to bring home sadly.

Next a discreet photo of the girls as Justin Bieber sang on tv. See the overdramatic reaching for him?? Imagine the screams that flooded the house as they realized he was on. It was so ear piercing cute.

Finally a message from Grumpy. I think he was just mad because he admitted that with a little drinking he could possibly be caught licking Mater's face. Yes we were talking about Ellen again. Sadly for Grumpy, no one is willing to go to the bar with him now.


Hair Today, Gone Tommorow

Slacker moms unite against deadlines.

Or at least that is my excuse for not posting these before/after pics sooner. Truth is, the photos are BAD. They make me look even worse than I actually do. They also add a good 50 pounds. a woman can dream? . So I've procrastined sharing them on the world wide web. My one thousands of readers might think less of me.

Seriously though, here are the before and after pics. Notice all the frizz. And you can't tell from here, but I have THICK THICK hair. I mean horribly thick. And horribly curly. Sorry about the darkness. The lighting in my bathroom sucks. And Grumpy just said "Why didn't you have me take the photos?"

Guess I needed less liquor relaxing that day and I might have thought of it.


and,......AFTER ( I LOVE IT...even though it wasn't the original plan)


Sunday, January 3, 2010

Torturing myself one goal at a time...

I've spent a few days contemplating whether or not I wanted to make resolutions this year. I mean I never keep them. They are forgotten by January 2nd February. But at the same time, it doesn't seem natural to not make them.

So the goal here is to make resolutions that I can keep. Or at least attempt to keep. So I'm keeping it small this year. But I want to keep in line with my goals to make it into adulthood. I already have my 65 in 365.

So alas, here's my to do list of resolutions for the new year.

* Sleep More
* Work Less
* Enjoy the little moments
* Walk past the chocolate without grabbing some at least once a week
* Try my hand at physical activity-- even if its courtesy of the Wii
* Maintain a decent hair style
* Buy myself some new clothes
* Pay the bills

Seems simple right?? Maybe it will happen. I'm not holding my breath on number 4.


Saturday, January 2, 2010

Dear 2010...

We started the year off with a disaster bang. Can we tone it down now? Seriously. I think too much more excitement this early in the year may cause someone to get hurt.

I realize that the first week of 2010 involves getting back into the school routine followed by the nightmare fun we have at the Girl Scout overnight event. But maybe we can reserve the excitement for all of that.

So what do I want this year? Since you asked.

1. I'd like to have a little peace in my life. Maybe only work 80 hours a week instead of more.
2. How about one day I grasp the feeling of sleeping a full 8 hours and waking up. Not 4 hours because there isn't time for rest. Not 15 hours because I'm depressed overly tired.
3. Could you give me the energy time to read a few books this year.
4. I need to FINALLY have the opportunity to see New Moon
5. I'd like to make a grocery budget and stick to it
6. Losing about 30 pounds would be if you could please remove chocolate from the checkout lines at the store that'd be great
7. I'd love to bake a cookie that didn't look like he-man on crack
8. Maybe throw in some more fun outings to take Brat on that involved getting off my lazy ass and actually doing something.
9. Throwing in a really really high score on Bejeweled Blitz would be fantabulous.
10. Speaking of Facebook...could you possibly remove Farmville so that I don't get riddled with 3,456,789 requests to send a plant or whatever the hell they are wanting
11. Since we are making it possible to make it through the year without all the pre-teen drama? No? I didn't think so.
12. See the bills over there -----> I'd like to pay those
13. Vast quantities of liquor may help with all of the above
14. I'd like to see my house unpacked and organized but first we have to work on #1
15. And about some quiet peaceful..non dramatic days?

See, 2010, I have been excited about your presence in my life. It meant 2009 was over. That was a bad year. But then you introduced yourself with all the drama and excitement of 2009. I don't want that!! So maybe you can pay close attention and we can work together to make this one rocking year!

Queen Bee


Size really does matter!

It's been a long day. A really long day. I should have reserved my drinking relaxing for tonight. But the queen is broke and the closest thing to alcohol in this house is some fermented bread in the pantry.

As you all know by now, Brat "became a woman" today. That's her term. Though I don't think the blood curdling screams from the bathroom were exactly woman-like. Unless of course she has looked in the mirror and realized that not only is she gray, she has wrinkles!

But we made a super discovery tonight. Size does matter. Brat kept complaining of being sore. I couldn't think why in the world she was sore. Then it dawned on me. You see (and I go into the TMI category here) I have the world's worst menstrual cycle. Absolute.Worst.Out.There! So I use the heavy duty tampons. Kotex Super Plus. They are actually quite large when compared to the others.

So I sent grumpy out to the Wal-Mart to pick up a smaller tampon. Hoping this would make the whole situation less painful for me. And I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when he called home to compare whether he should get Tampax Pearl or Playtex Gentle Glide.

We opted for Tampax. And it worked much much better. Much less crying. For both of us! I actually compared what hers and mine looked like. WOW.

So far no complaints of being sore. Fingers crossed we may survive her newfound womanhood.


Queen Review: Betty Crocker Cookie Mix

Before I start, let me say...I haven't been recruited to do reviews. I am not being paid. I didn't receive products in exchange for my review. I'm doing it for two reasons. One- if we are going to take this journey into adulthood together then I should share what works for me or what doesn't. Second- If anyone is interested in me doing reviews, I'd be more than happy to LOL. But mainly #1. I mean what kind of travel guide would I be, if I didn't share my love or hate of products.

All that said, let's get on to it. I signed up for this great site called Now I will tell more about them in another post. But it's pretty self explanatory. You sign up, you apply to host various house parties sponsored by companies, if chosen you receive a party pack with all you need for the party. I was chosen. Twice (but I'll share the second later). My first party was a Betty Crocker Cookie Dough House Party.

To be honest when I first received notice I'd be chosen I thought what crack induced coma was I in when I applied to host a cookie party. ME?? I can burn no bake cookies. I mean that's a mild way of saying my cookie skills are horrible not so great. But I was feeling all Christmasy and stuff so I took the challenge.

I was sooo geeked when I got my party pack in the mail. So I set it up. Weather caused it to be postponed. New date didn't work for some. Well basically after several tries we ended up with Brat and her BFF (still trying to find a name for her). But we baked cookies all day long, then enjoyed them with a game of Christmas Bingo. Followed by some wii games. It was a wonderful day.

So how was the cookie mix?? Well we tried several different kinds. We baked Peanut Butter, Sugar, Oatmeal Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Chip.

One thing I LOVED about the cookie mixes is that they were S-I-M-P-L-E to make. Even the girls at age 11 were able to completely make the dough by themselves.

They required very simple ingredients. Just eggs and butter. And when mixing, it was simply a few minutes until they were ready for the pan. This is great when making cookies with kids. They aren't very patient and are ready to get to the eating.

Now the down side? There wasn't much of one. Except for the Chocolate Chip cookies. Now I'm a chocolate chip nut. And I like my chocolate chip cookies to be really chocolate chippy. These just didn't measure up. They have a great flavor...but not enough chocolate chips. Otherwise, all the cookies were awesome. And like I said, perfect for making cookies with kids.

All that aside, even the best, easiest mix can't keep me from messing up the cookies!


7 Quick Takes Friday....

Over at Conversion Diary they host a 7 Quick Takes Friday. I'm a little late getting in on it, but I'd like to give it a shot.

1. I'd like to say Happy New Year to everyone. It's been one rough year going out, but I'm grateful for all the blessings I've had. I look forward to 2010 as a year of discovery.

2. The big hair cut ended up being shorter than I'd planned on. But I like it. Much easier to fix and run which is what I do most often.

3. There is a huge difference in tampon sizes when thinking about an 11 yr old girl. So if faced with it, go for the smaller ones.

4. I'm loving every second of my new blog. It's such a great thing to have a place where I can go and share and tell my story.

5. Coming up in the next month will be my first craft project of the year as well as my beginning decorating of my new living room. I look forward to sharing that with you.

6. No matter how hard I try I can not make a cookie that looks anything like the pictures that are with the recipe. Even my NO BAKE cookies turn out horrible. But then again they have chocolate. So is really bad if you have to eat them with a spoon??

7. Sometimes I start to feel like I just can not take one more thing. Then I'm reminded of where I've been and where I have to go yet. 5 years ago my daughter spoke to no one but me. NOT ONE SINGLE SOUL. In a couple months will be her third year singing on a stage in front of 200+ members of an audience. And she will ROCK THE PLACE.

Thanks for reading my thoughts.


Friday, January 1, 2010

Out with the with the new...

2009 was a rough year around here. So many problems. So I was super excited to see it end. After all, 2010 has to be better, right? That was my motto last night. We were at Tigger's for a small New Year's Eve celebration. Her and Mater (husband), Me, Grumpy, 3 preteen girls and a boy. Oh how our ears bled with the screams as Justin Bieber took the stage. WOW.

So whenever anyone said Happy New Year, Tigger's response was "What is so happy about it??" And my standard reply was "It's not 2009. 2009 is OVER"

So I came home slightly buzzedrelaxed. Played online just a bit and headed for bed. It was a good night. And when I woke up it was a whole new not just year but DECADE. A big chance to improve. I didn't set the clock with the mindset I'd wake up when I wanted to. I should have known that was too much to hope for.

So today Brat leans down beside me. "Mom? Mom?"

"huh?" I tried to appear coherent.

"Mom, I started my period"

Back up! WHAT????? You did WHAT????

Yep folks. That's right. In with the NEW. And you would have to KNOW Brat to know how absolutely AWFUL this was. Talk about over emotional!! So of course I got up. We had the talk about pads vs tampons. But to be honest there is NO WAY Brat could use pads. NO WAY! She's not concerned enough with things like that. It would be a disaster at school. So in our talk we opted for tampons.

Luckily I had a few.

What did I get myself into??? The first time took a total of an hour to complete. She was a wreck. Lots of tears were shed. And she cried too. Yelling. Screaming. Cursing. And she asked me the age old question every woman wants to know that time of the month.

Why don't boys have to go through this??

Simple answer. They can't handle it. I mean Brat is difficult enough. I can't imagine Grumpy on the rag. He'd be curled up in the fetal position on the bed with tears in his eyes repeating "When will it end???" and rocking back and forth. I mean he gets a head cold and the world must stop. Imagining him with cramps, mood swings and having to use tampons makes me laugh.

Tigger's respone?

"Well you are the one who said 2010 would be so great. That'll teach ya to think"

Sooo how did you celebrate your New Year's Day??? Was it as eventful as mine?