Sunday, July 31, 2011

My New Rules for Facebook

What the hell? The queen is posting? Something serious must have happened! After all, she hasn't posted in what amounts to centuries in the blogosphere.

Sorry folks. Life is taking its toll. I've had a lot to say, but I am always too tired to say it. So hey its 4:19 am and I am sitting here stewing over some recent I figure why not. Let's just get this out there.

There should be a completely new set of rules on Facebook. And they should work to make my own life simpler. And those who need to read them, should read them and go...ohhhhhh so that's how it's supposed to be. Some of it is DUH common sense kinda stuff. The rest, well let's just say recent events have led to this.

Here are my new and improved Facebook rules.

1. Let's just say this bluntly....If it's posted on Facebook it's fair game. Period. If you don't want opinions then don't post the shit. It's that simple. Because when you blast your comment as a status for all 3,456 of your closest friends to read you are in effect asking someone to comment. That is why Facebook has the comment feature. If you reply to my status, you are GUARANTEED a comment. Therefore, if you do not want to have to discuss the shit you have to say, keep it off of Facebook. Plain and simple.

2. If what you want is everyone to agree with you, join a cult, not Facebook. Chances are every friend on your list is not going to agree with what you have to say. This doesn't mean they do not like you. It means that they disagree with you. Most adults can do this maturely. If you cannot, turn off the computer and learn some basic social skills. If you do not want differing opinions and you are not among maybe 5 people on my friends list....go ahead and delete me.

3. If you are ignorant and spout of hatred, do not get pissy when people disagree or call you out on it. Drop the drama, stop acting like a victim and deal with it. You want to look like a jackass, then bend over and take it like a man.

4. If you do not want random people to judge what you say and do, and what you say and do could be considered controversial, don't post the shit on Facebook. Stop whining when someone you've never met spreads rumors about your life if you are going to write a damn novel and tell the world every messed up decision you have ever made. Keep some things to yourself. Otherwise, see jackass comment in number 3.

5. If everyone you meet stops liking you, you are likely not the victim. Get over yourself and learn how to be a grown up. There is no way that every single person on the planet could be bad and you are the sole caring individual on my friends list.

6. If you have something to say....go ahead and say it. Don't post vague messages meant to entice people to ask you what is wrong or what is good. The last time I checked only a handful people on my friends list were of the 12 and 13 age group. As an adult, you can easily say what the hell you have on your mind. If you expect me to beg for information, you are going to be disappointed.

7. Holy crow please read those silly "post this if you truly care" forwards before you post them. First off, I am RARELY going to post them. If that makes you think I don't care, then you truly do not know me. Most of them are stupid. They mean nothing. They are annoying. They clutter up my news feed and I read them 235 times in a day. Why repost? My friends have already read them a hundred times. But most importantly, please make sure that posting them doesn't make you look like a hypocrite. If you are judgmental asshole, don't post something about caring about others. If you are unemployed, don't post something about what your taxes are supporting. You look stupid. Pass it up. Ignore it. And if you post it, refer to number one.

8. For the love of all that is holy please quit posting about the troops and Casey Anthony. Both are being shoved down my throat to the point of my complete and total irritation. I am all about supporting the troops. If your spouse is in the military and you want to are entitled and I don't begrudge you. If, however, you would rather eat a sweaty sock for dinner than get off your ass and get a job much less walk in a war burdened with hundreds of pounds of equipment, then please do not bitch at me for complaining when its 105 degrees because I'm not suffering the life of a soldier. And Casey is a bitch. Probably deserves to be in jail. But it's over. No matter how many porch lights you turn on or cute little trains you post, Caylee will not come back. Let it go man.

9. If you want to post information about religion, politics, human rights etc....even if it is blatantly obvious that you are choosing a least make it not post propaganda that you heard from some nutcase in an attempt to make you look smart. Because there are ways to check facts. And I will. And then number one comes into play. And possibly number 2.

10. Limit the prayer requests. I am all about giving prayers and good thoughts when they are warranted. This doesn't include stubbing your toe or the smart ass you work with. If every other post is a prayer request, I tend to pass them by. I might miss an important one.

11. Don't make yourself look like a hoochie online. Especially if you have kids. For the love of God please put some clothes on. And do not pucker your lips. You look like a fool. I'd die of embarrassment if you were my mother.

12. Seventy-five percent of what I say is bullshit. I joke with everyone. Not just you. I am sarcastic. I am blunt. I am opinionated when needed. I look at Facebook as tool for connecting and having fun with friends and family. If you don't like what I say...tough cookies. I'm going to do me and I am going to do me well. Get over yourself and have a little fun.


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