Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I'll take some guilt with a side of shame please....

Normally on a good day I like to think of myself as optimistic. On a good day. But there is optimism and then there is stupidity. To me optimism is having hope. Feeling that things will improve. It doesn't downgrade what you are currently feeling but leads you to believe that this too shall pass.

For some reason people have adopted a new form of optimism. It urges you to quit focusing on what's got you down and start being grateful for what you do have. In theory it sounds good. But in reality....not so much. It instead makes you feel like you should have shame and guilt over feeling bad about whatever you are feeling bad about. So all this positive being thrown at you only ends up making you feel worse.

A friend of mine once told someone "Don't feel guilty for your feelings. Someone else's reality doesn't diminish your own"

That my friends is a wise statement. Your reality doesn't make mine less. The fact that millions of people are without jobs right now does not make the fact that one of my employers cut our pay by a third suck any less. The fact that many are homeless doesn't mean I should feel better about the fact I need to repair my floors and don't know where the money is coming from.

Yes I am aware that I should be thankful for a home, heat, food and a healthy child. And believe me, I volunteer at a homeless shelter daily. I know what my alternative COULD be. I know that I am very blessed. I don't deny that. I don't pretend my life is the bottom of the barrel because by far it's not.

But that doesn't change the problems I DO have. Lack of money for much needed things. Health problems. A child who struggles daily to just be accepted and liked. A semi sort of job thing that just cut my pay.

My reality is STILL reality. And I am not going to feel shame for thinking right now that it sucks. I am not going to let the fact that others have it worse make me feel guilty for hurting and being sad. I am not going to let the fact that I do have many things to be thankful for stop me from hating some of the situations of my life.

Will I get over it? Absolutely. And I'm still optimistic. I still believe there is hope. I still believe that there will be better days. But today is not one of them. And I won't apologize for that. Instead I will accept my reality. I will feel how I want to feel. I will own the truth.

Tomorrow I will again wake up grateful for the positive in my life. But I won't promise to not acknowledge the negative. Because if I ignore it, I can't possibly fix it.


1 People Have Had Their Say:

Soliloquy said...


Standing ovation, girl!!!