Saturday, January 23, 2010

It's like crack for sober people...

Your life is going along at a normal pace. You get the kids off to school. You either work, clean house or hell maybe just sit on the couch with bon bons watching Days of Our Lives. You manage to cart them to the many after school activities. Somehow you throw in a dinner, baths, and possibly some tv. Normal life. You only drink when the kids drive you insane occasionally. You don't imagine yourself doing drugs. The clubs and wild days of your youth are behind you.

And then it happens. You first experience it slowly. It seems kind of cheesy. You are curious though. After all, everyone you know has tried it. So you do too. "Is this all there is to it?" you ask yourself often. What's the big fascination? But, my friends, that is before you get your first high. It kind of makes you giggle like a school girl. Next thing you know, you just have to include it in your day. But you are mature and responsible. You do it a little at a time. But like an alcoholic, you are sucked in. Five minutes becomes an hour. That becomes two hours.

Pretty soon the husband is taking the kids to school because you were up until 2am. Dinner is Stouffers Lasagna. Hey don't knock it. At least you splurge on the good kind. You begin to wonder if you can skip those after school activities. And before you know are spending hours a day with your new love.

Yes. It is THAT bad. It is the new crack for sober people. It will grab a hold of you and not let go. It will take hours of time away from your family. You will soon reconnect with those you knew "back in the day". And it will cause you to piss off everyone you know.

It is Facebook.

Do you realize how much time I spend on Facebook? Way more than I spend on other things in my life. I can't find time to color my hair but I can sure find time to make sure "the Jones" family is doing ok. Of course I could call "Mrs. Jones" and ask. I could even visit. But no. It's much better to keep up to date with them via status updates.

Now in my defense, half of my Facebook time is spent surfing through the billion and a half notifications from Farmville, iHeart and other such irritating applications. I mean how can I know that my friend went to the dentist today and survived if I don't check in. How can I show the world that I support my mother, father, bra size, friends, troops, doctor and local mall? I MUST check in on Facebook.

At first I laughed. Oh yea, I'm really going to tell people every move that I make. Then one day I realized I had become just like them! Suddenly if I had a blister on my foot I must announce it to Facebook. But I have to be careful. My daughter is on there too. As are all her friends.

Facebook is absolutely the greatest invention on the planet. I know what my family is up to and I don't even have to interact with them!! What kind of perfection is that!!! Sometimes I find out what my mom is up to and she's temporarily residing down the hall. It's genius.

But that doesn't take away from my absolute HATRED of Farmville, Restaurant City, and all the other nonsense games that auto post every flipping thing my friends do in the game. With close to 200 friends that can get really really annoying.

But farkle and bejeweled blitz totally make up for it.

So I admit it. My name is Queen Bee and I'm a facebook addict. It's not just for teenagers anymore.


1 People Have Had Their Say:

Soliloquy said...

Crack. As in addictive, yes.

But if you try it NOT sober, it's even more fun!

Not that I would know.